Amare Via
by Destyne
Summary: *COMPLETED* The reason Voldemort wants the Potters is revealed. Also a cute love story. SLASH SB/RL
1. Foretis Spell

A/N This is my first Harry Potter fiction. Hope you enjoy it. I would especially like to thank my beta readers for being so awesome. It's cause of them this story is here. 

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Amare Via

By Destyne

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PROLOGUE

1217 AD

The waves crashed against the rocks off the coast of Wales. In a wooden hut, only feet from these rocks, was a beautiful witch. Her black hair was thinning and her pale face was getting greener, she was lying in bed, her breathing shallow.

"Will she make it?" asked an elderly warlock in a whisper.

"She won't live through the night. You can be certain. Her blood is getting weaker by the minute," the nurse told him, grimly. 

There was a crash of lightning and then the front door slammed open. A dark tall young wizard stood in front of them.

"Ivor, what are you doing here?" The elderly warlock asked.

"I have found a potion. It will cure her. Move aside," the tall wizard, said. He pushed the elderly warlock aside, rushed to the bedside, pulled out a vile in his robes and showed the nurse. "It's the _Foretis_potion," he told her.

"But I thought that was just an old story," the nurse replied, eyeing the cloudy red potion in astonishment.

"I found the ingredients from an apothecary. I brewed it up. You must say the spell with me for it to work." 

The old warlock interrupted. "This is rubbish. How do we know this won't kill her?"

"This is the only thing that will help her," the nurse whispered. "She is going to die if we don't try it."

"It has to be administered in her blood. Can you safely cut her?" Ivor asked.

"Yes," the nurse said, preparing a lance.

"No! I won't let you. Do you know what you're saying? Cut her? So she bleeds? She's dying."

"She's as good as dead anyway!" Ivor yelled. The old warlock backed away.

"Now, you have to say, _donare huc femina donum foretis, _three times. It means give this woman strength."

The potion was poured into the sick woman's blood, then seconds later "_donare huc femina donum foretis,"_ was being chanted. Even the old warlock was muttering it. When it had been repeated three times, the woman stirred. Her pale brown eyes opened and she looked up. "Ivor," she whispered. She sat up.

The nurse gasped. "It's a miracle," she said.

Ivor sat next to the woman and put his hand on her. "How are you feeling?" He asked.

She squinted her eyes. "Fine, a little tired, but fine."

"You will be okay now." Ivor smiled and kissed her.

6 years later a young boy named Dylan, stumbled through the woods behind his house. He often played alone to escape the taunting of the village children. Dylan's mother was rumored to be a witch and his father had died in a battle before he was born. This made him an outcast. 

The woods were quiet and seemed to offer him a refuge few other places could. He sat quietly looking out at the trees and heard a strange noise. It sounded like an animal in distress. He stood up and walked over to the noise. There was a fawn trapped under a large oak tree that looked as if it had recently fallen. The young deer was squealing in pain. Doing what only seemed natural to him, Dylan slowly approached the fawn. "It's alright," he said softly, so not to scare it. He bent down and picked the tree up, thinking nothing of the fact that he was a 6 year old boy and this was a fully grown oak tree. The fawn jumped up and ran off into the wood. Dylan turned to go back to his spot when he saw his mother, Rhiannon, standing behind him, hand over her mouth in amazement. 

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CHAPTER 1

The Foretis Spell

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MARCH 1977

"The stars are bright tonight," Remus observed, looking up, hearing Sirius's footsteps behind him.

"Yeah?" Sirius said, standing behind him, placing his chin in the crook of Remus's neck.

Remus pulled away quickly and sighed. 

"What are you on about?" Sirius stood at the edge of the tower looking into the darkness and at Remus.

"We have to stop. I can't keep doing this. Especially with you."

"Doing what?"

"Being with you. Kissing you, and then leaving at the end of the night and going back to my bed alone like nothing happened. It's getting out of hand."

Sirius closed his eyes and responded. "We've been over this, Remus. I'm not gay. I'm the fucking Quidditch co-captain. I have girls lining up to be with me."

"I know, Sirius, stop." Remus turned, hoping it would mask his emotion, hoping Sirius would just go away. "You've told me. We're just messing around." He retorted quickly, "Then go. Go to one of the many girls waiting in line to shag you. Mess around with them, but leave me the hell alone!" Remus walked down the staircase and out of sight.

Sirius stood on the tower for hours, looking up at the stars thinking about what Remus had said. It was true, there were many girls who Sirius could be with, and he'd already had most of them. He couldn't imagine being intimate with Remus, but he couldn't stand the idea of not being with him. He loved the way he felt when he kissed Remus. He loved the way he felt in Remus's arms. He hadn't felt that way with any girl ever. What did that mean? Was he gay? Or was there just no such thing as that label and he just happened to find a match for himself? He felt a sense of a shared spirit with Remus. He didn't know what that meant, but he couldn't let him go. Sirius turned toward the door and walked down the long staircase to the Gryffindor common room. 

It was after one in the morning when Sirius muttered the password, "flubberdubber," to an annoyed and sleepy Fat Lady. He looked around the common room. It was completely empty except for two sixth years in the corner, who were so involved with one another that they didn't notice Sirius. He crept quietly up the stairs and into his dorm room. The curtains on all the beds were drawn and everyone seemed to be asleep. But instead of heading to his right and into his own four poster bed, he walked slowly, quietly over to his left. He stood at the foot of the bed for a moment, then opened the curtain and climbed onto it. Remus was sleeping. Sirius just looked at him a while, watching him. He never looked peaceful when he was awake, but now he looked as if he had no cares, as if nothing mattered. It was relaxing to Sirius. He lay down next to Remus and wrapped an arm around him. He saw Remus stir, but he didn't wake up. Sirius sat up, straddling him and looked down at him. The impulse he had now to be with Remus was like nothing he'd ever felt about any girl. Sirius moved down Remus's body until finally he stirred and woke. 

"What the?" Remus startled, then saw Sirius. "What are you doing?" He whispered, as not to wake anyone else in the room up.

"I'm done messing around. I don't want anyone else, I want you."

Remus wasn't sure he wasn't dreaming. "But you said..."

"I know what I said. Forget it." He pulled off his robes and his shirt and put Remus's hand on his bare chest. "Can you feel that? It's pounding. It doesn't do this for anyone, but it pounds for you."

Remus blinked, he had to be dreaming. But this felt so real.

"Touch me, Moony." Sirius met Remus lips and took his hands in his own. Moving down his body.

~~~~~

Alexander Newton, the other 7th year that shared the room, walked into the door, towel wrapped around his waist. "Who hooked up last night? I heard someone making sex noises but couldn't make out the voice." He asked. Eyes fell around the room and landed immediately on James, who was sitting on his bed in his Quiddich robes, looking surprised. 

"It wasn't me, why is everyone looking at me?" He asked.

"You're the only one with a girl." Peter said, smiling.

"Well, it wasn't me. I had to go to sleep early last night for the Quidditch game today."

The wondering eyes next fell to Sirius, the next likely candidate.

"What? Who would I have up here?" He asked, but his smirk gave it away. Ever so slightly his eyes quickly wandered over to see what Remus's expression was. He looked amused.

"Ah ha. Who was it?" James smiled.

"I'm not saying anything? Besides, how do you know it was me?"

"Who else would it be, Peter over here?" James chuckled. "Who was she?"

"I told you, I'm not saying." Sirius turned red, trying not to show it.

"Why don't we just leave the poor bloke alone? I'm starving, who wants to come get breakfast?" Remus broke the silence after a moment, a smile on his face.

"Oh breakfast," Peter said, getting up and walking to the door, Alexander and Remus right behind him.

"Padfoot, I've known you my whole life. You can't tell me?" James asked sounding a little irritated.

"It doesn't matter, does it?" Sirius said in a tone suggesting the conversation was over. 

James eyed Sirius questionably. "See you on the Quidditch field?"

Then got up and walked out with the others, leaving Sirius alone.

The Gryffindor Quidditch players finished breakfast and headed out to the field, meeting Sirius along the way. Sirius was so nervous before games that if he ate anything he would be sick. He made up for it by eating twice as much at lunch. As the team reached the field an apprehensive Remus Lupin stood at the gate.

"Can I have a word alone?" He asked Sirius, trying not to sound too nervous.

"Now? We have to get on the field?" James said in an unusually annoyed tone. 

"It's important." Remus said.

"Alright. I'll meet you guys in there. I'll be two minutes, I promise." Sirius said, amongst dirty looks.

"If we have to forfeit the game cause of you..."

"Two minutes, James, okay." Sirius watched the team hesitantly go through the gate then turned to Remus.

"I'm sorry. I just can't wait another minute to find out what was last night about?"

"Can we talk about it after the game?"

"I need to know, Sirius." Sirius was rarely ever called by his given name among his best friends, so he knew this had to be important.

"Okay. I meant what I said. I think we could have something amazing, and I'm scared shitless to go forward with it, but I have to. I can't ignore you, Moony. I can't pretend these feelings aren't there."

Remus tried to hold in his excitement; his desire to run a thousand laps around the Quidditch field.

"Now!" James called from the pit.

"I have to go. We'll talk more later alright?" Sirius looked in Remus's eyes and almost kissed him but saw that James was standing ten feet away, eyeing them furiously. 

Sirius smiled and turned, now taking on a run to the pit and entering the Quidditch field to cheers.

Remus walked along the sidelines, looking for Peter but feeling like his feet were three feet off the ground.

~~~

That evening in their common room the Gryffindors celebrated a victory. James and Sirius had managed to sneak into the kitchens and brought back many types of foods, from plum duff to ice cream. James and Lily sat in a chair in the center of the room while Sirius and Peter set off several filibuster fireworks, shooting red and gold sparks in the room. There was so much noise and raucous that it was hard to hear the tapping on the window. Remus noticed however, opened the window and a tawny owl flew onto James lap. The room was still immersed in smoke and sparks, and everyone was much too interested with making noise and having fun to notice that James had taken the note off the owl and read it, Lily looking on. His face fell at the note; Lily had a hand over her mouth by the time the letter was read. He jumped up and stormed to his dorm, Lily close behind him. Remus noticed, tapped Sirius and Peter, and followed.

A moment later the door of their dormitory flung open and the three boys saw James sitting on his bed, packing his trunk, Lily trying to talk him out of it. "There is nothing you can do, James." She said quietly.

"What is it?" Sirius asked, gliding to his side. James held out the letter. It was from his sister. Sirius read it.

_James,_

Voldemort has found out about the Foretis _spell and is now seeking us out. We have gone into hiding, but I can't tell you where now, in case this gets lost. James, Mum and Dad would never let me tell you, but I think you ought to know. I'm scared._

Love,

Melly

Sirius felt a lump in his chest. "What are you going to do?" He asked.

"What is this spell?" Peter asked, looking over the short letter.

Remus replied, "the _Foretis _spell is one that gives the blood line of the person who had that spell greater strength and endurance, right?"

James looked at Sirius with fright in his eyes. Then back to his trunk, putting more things in it.

Sirius looked into James eyes, then to the room and said, "About 700 years ago a woman named Rhiannon Potter was on her death bed. She was loved by one of the greatest wizards of that time and he would do anything to keep her alive. He found an ancient spell called the _Foretis_ spell that when administered in her blood would make her strong. It worked; she got her strength back and lived a long life. But this spell didn't leave her blood. It carried on so that now everyone in the Potter bloodline has this. It gives us strength." He stopped.

"But why does Voldemort care?" Peter asked.

Sirius continued, "The spell that Voldemort is trying to concoct to give him immortality is a very difficult one. My father and James' father had been trying to figure it out for years, as a sort of attempt to stump it. With Dumbledore's help, they found out what the spell was. It was almost completed, but they found out that as long as the _Foretis_ spell was still running in a bloodline, he would never be able to achieve his ultimate power. The spell only works in one bloodline at a time. He tried the spell and it failed. He knew someone else must have the spell in them. It's the final ingredient to his immortality."

James whispered, "He's going to kill us." 

Lily put out her arm, placed it on his shoulder and said, "No. It will be alright."

"I don't think you understand what this means, Lily. It won't be alright," James said in a tone he rarely used with her.

"Wait a second, James, if you are the strongest wizard in the world, how come we didn't notice before?" Peter asked.

"I'm not the strongest, but my family bloodline is." James said breathing heavily through his nose.

"Haven't you ever wondered why James is as strong as he is, Wormtail?" Sirius asked. "It's not exceptional cause the Potter's are decent people and choose not to use the spell. But he has it. And Voldemort wants it."

"I have to find my family. They need me," James stood back up and snapped his trunk shut.

"How are you going to find them," Sirius asked, trying to bring him to reason. "We don't know where they are."

"Go to Dumbledore first," Remus said. "You said he was helping your fathers out, I'll bet he knows something. Go to him and see if he can help. If he can't then we'll go to the Ministry."

James looked into the eyes of his friends. "You can't go with me," he said. "It's dangerous."

"Oh don't be daft, Prongs. Of course we are going with you," Sirius said, folding his arms.

James looked longingly at Lily, "Not you. You stay here, you stay safe."

"I won't let you do this without me, James." She said.

"Let's go to Dumbledore," Remus said, heading to the door.


	2. Up To No Good

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CHAPTER 2

Up To No Good

Dumbledores office was nearly impossible to find, but Sirius, James, Remus and Peter knew Hogwarts better then any other student. They knew where to go. What they didn't know, however, was the password to get in. 

"Damn!" James shouted as they stood in front of the gargoyle statue. Seconds later the statue opened. That couldn't have been the password, James thought, but Albus Dumbledore stood in front of them. 

"Ah, hello," Dumbledore said surprised to see five students standing at his office door.

"I trust you students are not out of your common room walking the hallways this late at night for no reason?" He asked. 

James showed Dumbledore the letter. "I just received this," he said.

Dumbledore's eyes flashed, and he said to the group, "Oh, I see. Why don't you follow me?" He stopped and looked at the small group, "Perhaps it had just better be Mr. Potter." 

Sirius, Remus, Peter and Lily didn't move.

"You know how to get back to Gryffindor tower? Would you like an escort?" He asked.

"No, sir," Sirius replied, leading the group and turning back the way they had just come.

Dumbledore walked up the spiral staircase with James behind him, trembling.

He sat behind his desk and held up a piece of parchment. "I just received a similar letter from your father and one from the Black family. It appears that Voldemort has found out your secret."

"What can we do about it?" James asked.

"Very little. What can be done has already been done--your family is in hiding. Meanwhile, the Blacks and the Flanagans are trying to come up with a spell." 

James thought a second. He tried to remember what the Flanagans would have to do with this, then remembered that Sirius' mother's maiden name was Flanagan, so they too had a connection to the Potters.

"I assure you that Hogwarts is highly protected. Since Voldemort became a threat there has been an enchantment on this school. It is safe from him."

James felt a slight bit calmer. "What is the Ministry doing about it?" He asked.

"They are also working on a spell that would stop Voldemort, though I would much rather trust the Blacks. Personal investment is much more incentive. Your families have been friends for as long as I can remember. The Blacks will do their best to keep you safe."

"Then that's all we can do, just wait?" James asked, irritated.

"That's the best I can offer. I was just on my way to send an owl to Miss Arabella Figg and the Longbottoms. The more people we can get involved in this the better. Can I walk with you back to your dormitory?"

They left Dumbledore's office silently and walked through the corridors of the castle. When James reached the stairs up to his common room he smiled weakly at Dumbledore and they separated.

James walked numbly through the portrait hole and up to his room. Sirius, Remus, Peter and Lily were sitting in silence when he entered. They were looking just as worried as James did. All eight eyes turned to him and he sat on his bed. Sirius put a hand on his shoulder. "What did he say?"

James told the group what Dumbledore had said in a quiet tone. "I can't just stand around and let Voldemort kill my family." 

"We will do whatever we can to help, but honestly, it doesn't make sense to leave Hogwarts," Remus said sympathetically.

"Yeah, we'll search through all the books. We'll find something. There has to be something," Peter said.

"No sense in worrying about it until we know more about what we can do," Sirius said.

"First thing tomorrow I'll head to the library and see what kind of spell books I can find." Remus looked helplessly at James. "Maybe we can concoct a charm."

"I think I'd just like to be alone now," James said softly.

"Alright," Sirius opened the door and shuffled the gang out the door, then took a last glance at James. "We'll be downstairs in the common room if you need us," he said sympathetically and left the room. 

"There's nothing!" Remus slammed a library book shut in disgust. They had been looking for two months in all the spellbooks that Hogwarts had, and could find no spell that would aid the Potters. They found an illegal spell on how to turn a two room flat into a castle; they found spells on how to give your worst enemy warts that would sprout up every time they blinked, which they considered using. But there was no spell on how to keep a family safe if they have a mortal enemy after them. 

"We'll have to go to Flouish and Blotts next time we're in Diagon Alley and check out there," said Peter who was sitting right next to Remus but hadn't been looking in the books. 

"Or next time we're in Hogsmeade we'll see what they have," Remus sighed. "I guess there's nothing else we can do now." He looked at the clock on the wall. He needed to hurry, Quidditch practice had just ended and Remus was supposed to meet Sirius in a secret passage. His heart gave a lurch when he thought about it. "Peter, I need to go talk to McGonagall about our homework. Should I just meet you at dinner?" Remus asked as he piled his books into his bag.

"Yeah, alright." Peter replied.

Remus gave an innocent smile and left the library. He walked down two flights of stairs and quietly down an empty corridor on the fourth floor. He stood in front of a giant mirror. _"Aleviara," _he muttered quietly. The mirror opened. Remus climbed in and stared at Sirius, who was already there waiting. "I've missed you," Remus said. It had been days since they'd been alone together.

Sirius leaned in and kissed him. "I missed you too. James is insane with all this Quidditch. He was running us into the ground."

Remus gave a look to Sirius that told him he wasn't remotely interesting in hearing about Quidditch practice. At least not right at that moment. Remus pressed Sirius against the wall and kissed him, blocking him in with his hands that were pressed palm down against the cold stone wall. The kisses were furious. Sirius wanted so badly to rip his clothes off and take Remus on the cold ground. But he didn't get the chance. A second later the entrance to the secret passages opened.

"Oh my God!" James yelled as he witnessed his two best friends in mid kiss. James stood in shock as Remus and Sirius nervously pulled him into the passageway, so he wouldn't attract unwanted attention from Filch or any other looking to get them into trouble. 

"What the hell? What?" James couldn't seem to get everything out he had to say, in fact he couldn't get out anything he wanted to say.

"What are you doing in here?" Sirius asked, more annoyed then anything else.

"I saw you on the map. I figured you were up to something. Obviously you were. What's going on?" 

Remus looked at Sirius, then to James, then back to Sirius. "Can we tell him now?"

Sirius's eyes were on James. For the first time in their lives, he couldn't tell what his best friend was thinking. "Well, um, Moony and I are, um..."

"Oh for God's sake, I'll tell him," Remus stammered rolling his eyes. "Sirius and I are a couple."

James stood shocked for a second. It was a lot to take, and a little confusing. "So, it's Moony you've been sneaking off with?" James said, a cross between amusement and annoyance in his voice.

"I told you we couldn't tell you in front of everyone. How do you think Wormtail would take this?" Sirius asked.

James chuckled, "Does this mean you two have been doing it in our room?"

Remus and Sirius looked guiltily at each other and smiled.

"I may never look at you guys the same way again. Should I go now and let you finish?" James asked, not sure he really wanted them to finish.

"I think the moment's gone. Let's just go get some dinner." Remus smiled at Sirius, who looked a little disappointed but relieved that finally his best friend knew. 

"Dinner sounds good." Sirius said, putting an arm around him looking at the map James had in his hand to make sure nobody was near. The coast was clear, and the three entered the hallway and walked side by side to the Great Hall.

Remus entered the dorm room after dinner. He had just finished making his plans for tomorrow night with Madame Pomfrey. He could tell this was going to be one of the more difficult transformations. He was already starting to feel the irritation and edginess that accompanied it. He saw Peter, James and Sirius huddled in a spot on the windowsill. James appeared to be pouring some sort of solution into a bottle. The bottle had a name etched on it. The name was Severus Snape. 

"Where did you get that?" Came the astonished voice of Remus.

"Our little Wormtail here," Sirius patted Peter on the back, "he just snuck into the Slytherin common room, went up to Snape's dorm and got this. Of course sneaking back out was a different story, since a rat can't carry a bottle of shampoo, but none the less, here it is." Peter beamed as Sirius finished. 

"What is he doing to it?" Remus asked, watching as James poured a solution into it.

Sirius snickered, "It's a coloring potion. It'll turn his hair yellow."

"Course, he never washes his slimy hair, so he'll probably never use it," James said, pouring the last of the potion into the shampoo. "There. All done." James put the lid back on the bottle of shampoo, shook it up and gave it back to Peter. "Can you put it back now?" 

Peter looked nervous for a minute. The Slytherin house was certainly the last place he wanted to be, and this would be the second time tonight he'd end up there. But he replied, "Okay," took the bottle and left the room.

"Wonder how long it will take him to use that?" Sirius said as the door closed.

"Probably months," James snickered. "But we'll know when he does, we can't miss yellow hair."

"I can't believe you lot. Determined to get thrown out aren't you?" Remus asked, only part serious. "Well, the full moon is tomorrow, I'm just wondering what we are planning?"

Sirius smiled, "I think a nice lie in the woods would be good." He gave Remus a peck on the cheek.

"Oh God," James retorted, "just because I know about you doesn't mean I want to see it. And if it's just a lie in the forest you are planning I may as well stay here. We have a Potions exam on Friday, you know."

"Fine then, maybe it will only be the two of us then," Sirius said, looking at Remus. 

Remus smiled back but was a little nervous. Since the other three had become Animagus there had never been a time they hadn't all accompanied him. He wasn't sure one big dog could stop him from hurting himself, or others. Quietly he said, "If James doesn't want to go, maybe I should just be alone. Just this once." He couldn't believe he was saying that, it was the last thing Remus wanted. Some of the best times the group of friends had were when the moon was full and they were all animals.

James noticed the look and came back with, "No, it's okay. We've never deserted you before; we won't do it tomorrow. Same plan as always then? Meet you in the Shrieking Shack?" 

Remus beamed. "Yes, alright."

The next morning Peter, James, Sirius and Remus entered the Great Hall and sat down next to Lily. Just as Sirius was getting ready to dig into his pancakes a furious 7th year student strode to the table. It took a minute for Sirius to realize who it was. When he did he broke out into hysterical laughter. A bright yellow haired Severus Snape stood in front of him and James, breathing heavily through his nose. 

"Potter! Black! I know you did this. I will go to the Headmaster and report it."

Trying his hardest to stifle his laugh James replied, "How could we have done that?"

"You put a potion in my shampoo. I know you did. I could smell it when it washed out."

Sirius didn't hide his laughter. "How could we have done that?" He asked through chuckles.

"It would have meant getting into your dorm and finding your shampoo. There was no way we could have done that without being noticed." James was sounding more serious now. 

"I know you had something to do with it," Snape glared at him. "When I find out you will be expelled." Snape shot a look at Lily, but it wasn't the same glare he gave the others. It was more of a look of sympathetic regard. She gave a small smile that said just to let them have their fun. Snape took his eyes off her and back to James. Then he turned on his heel and left the room. The whole table burst into laughter. 

"Why can't you just give him a break?" Lily asked James.

"He doesn't deserve a break," Sirius smiled. He met Remus's eyes, which looked tired and grumpy. "You all right?" he asked quietly.

"Yes, I can just tell it's going to be a bad transformation tonight," he said. 

"Don't worry. We'll be there." Sirius gave him a look that Remus had never seen before. It was almost a look of great caring. Maybe even a look of love.

That night down a long tunnel ran a stag, and huge black dog and a rat. The trip down the long underground tunnel wasn't as tiring when they were animals. Even Peter, who had smaller legs and couldn't move as fast as the others, seemed to think it was easier to travel long distances as a rat. They reached the end of the tunnel and Sirius pushed open the door with his long snout. Remus stood in a corner, chewing on a piece of wood from a chair he had torn apart. He looked up at them. Even though it was impossible to see emotion in animals, the group seemed to know what it was a relief to Remus that they had finally arrived. Sirius padded over to him and put his nose on Remus' furry nose. It was something he never would have done in front of James and Peter as a man, but it seemed natural to do now. They couldn't talk, but they had planned what they were going to do earlier that day, so words were unnecessary. They followed James back through the tunnel and out to the Forbidden Forest. They were going to spend their last full moon running freely around the forest. It was the last time they would be able to see the enchanting animals that roamed around in it. And if truth be told, they would all miss it. Even Remus who hated to transform would miss these great freeing moments with his three best friends.


	3. The Plea

I feel like nobody is reading this…please feedback! 

Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns anything familiar in this. 

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Again, a great thanks to my wonderful beta reader, Emily. She rocks!

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CHAPTER 3

THE PLEA

Lily stood, looking shaken, just outside Hogsmeade. Her heart pounded, and she hoped nobody would see what she was up to. They would never understand. She looked at the mountains in the distance, the beautiful sky, and wished she could feel safe. But she knew she wasn't. She knew as long as she was with James, she would never be safe. A moment later a greasy black haired 7th year Slytherin met her. 

"Severus, thank you for meeting me," she said, softly, pleadingly.

"I'm not sure how long I can stay." He said, urgently.

"I need to ask you a favor," she said, hoping his grudge wouldn't hinder this.

"Anything, Lily, you know that." He said.

"Please tell Voldemort not to harm James." 

Severus' eyes narrowed and he looked angry. Angrier then Lily had ever seen him

"What makes you think I'm in touch with Voldemort?" 

"Severus, please. I don't know that you are in touch with him," she lowered her voice, "but I know that you know people who are." She looked at him, the familiar black eyes looking at her. "I still care about you, I always will. And I don't see how you getting mixed up in that lot are going to help you. When will you see that it's not you Voldemort cares about? I won't stand by and watch you get hurt, but I'm not going to turn my back on James to protect you. Please don't do anything stupid."

"We are choosing different paths. You chose Potter. There is some power in that. He has the money. He has the popularity. How is that different then Voldemort?" 

"James doesn't destroy lives," Lily said.

"That's debatable," he said looking at Lily. 

"You were going along a path I couldn't follow, Severus. You know that's why I ended it. It was two years ago; you need to let it go. I'm in love with James now," she was talking quietly, hoping to ease the blow.

"I can't believe you'd ask me to protect him."

"For me, Severus, please." Lily looked pleadingly at him.

Snape was trapped in an internal battle. He still loved Lily, obviously she knew that. She could see the struggle going on inside him. Throwing caution to the wind, she continued, "I'm going to help him, whether you help me or not. The safer James is, the safer I am."

"Do you know what that means, Lily?" Snape asked, softly.

"Yes, I do. I know that puts me at tremendous risk. What would you do, if it were me?" She looked into his dark eyes.

"I can't promise anything. The Dark Lord is determined. But I will help you as much as I can."

Lily swallowed. It was really more then she'd deserved from him. "Thank you." 

There were only four more days left at Hogwarts. Remus sat on his bed looking at his belongings. He felt hollow. The past seven years had been the best of his life. Now he had to return to his parents' house and live his life once again as an outcast. Nobody would hire him. Nobody would understand. It seemed all the other Gryffindors were excited to move on. James and Sirius would be helping Dumbledore and the Ministry. Peter even had plans. He was going to into training to be an apothecary. Everyone seemed to have some great ambition. Lily and James were getting married that summer. Alexander Newton was going to become a Medi-wizard. But Remus was a werewolf. And there was no place for him in the wizarding world. He wondered about Sirius. Would this mean their relationship was over? He was brought out of his thoughts by the door opening and Sirius beaming at him.

"Hello," Remus said, trying to force a smile.

"What is it?" Sirius asked, crossing the room and sitting down next to Remus.

"I guess I'm just a little sad to be leaving. I can't believe it's been seven years already."

"The time did fly didn't it?" Sirius picked up a picture of him, Remus and James in their first year. He laughed, then remembered why he wanted to talk to Remus. "Moony, I'm going to Rome next week. A sort of after school holiday before I begin work. James was supposed to come with me but felt he had better see his family before he starts at the ministry," Sirius swallowed. He knew what he was asking meant taking a big step in the relationship.

"I want you to come with me." Sirius looked into Remus' brown eyes.

"You want me to go on holiday with you?" Remus asked, touched and a little surprised. 

"Yes." Sirius reached out his hand and put it on top of Remus'. 

"I'd love to," Remus replied. He leaned in and met Sirius' lips.

At Hogsmeade station four days later the whole gang met one last time on the Hogwarts Express. Lily and James sat hand in hand next to the window; Remus sat next to Sirius, his cloak covering the spot Sirius' hand had wandered to. And Peter was next to James, by the door. But this final journey was different from all the others they'd taken. There was a kind of reverence as they left. The train rattled and tears fell but nobody spoke for nearly twenty minutes. 

"Be a bit strange won't it? Not coming back?" Peter asked, not able to take much more of the silence.

"We've got a lot ahead of us. It won't be easy stopping Voldemort. But we have to do it," James said, looking out the window. The truth was he was scared. They were all scared. James tried to convince himself and Lily that he would get out of this battle alive, but he wasn't so sure he would. 

"You don't have to, James," Sirius said. "You can go into hiding too. You shouldn't put yourself in so much danger."

"My family needs me to do this for them. They need me to fight and win. My father is fighting Voldemort, why shouldn't I?"

Lily's eyes pleaded with him. She knew there was not talking him out of fighting Voldemort. They had been over this argument a dozen times. But she couldn't imagine her life without James. And he was putting himself in enormous risk by going head to head with Voldemort. "You have your life ahead of you," she said softly.

"What kind of life would it be with Voldemort in power? And as long as he is around I will always be in danger. I can't just hide and wait for him to find me. I have to fight."

"Don't worry, Lily. James is the smartest in our class. There isn't a curse he can't figure out," Remus said, hoping to cheer her up. It didn't seem to work. She hoped that Severus would help her. But she was doubtful. Severus was her wild card, her ace in the hole. He was the way she could help James. But his cooperation seemed impossible.

Nobody said much more until the train reached Kings Cross. It was dark outside and a bit colder then usual for mid June. Mr. Potter and Mr. Black stood inside the barrier, obviously to make sure James got off the train safely. Their usual casual demeanor was plagued with concern and fear. 

"Everything alright?" James asked, fearful as they reached the pair of men.

Mr. Potter's eyes darted downward, and James could have sworn he saw a tear in them. A moment later Sirius was at his side.

"They got Aunt Eleanor and her whole family. While they were sleeping," Mr. Black said stoically. "Eleanor was hiding out not far from your family and they found her. If the Death Eaters hadn't made such a racket they would have found your mother and Melly as well. They were just 100 yards away. It only took one call by Floo to alert the Ministry. A couple of them were caught, but most of them got away."

James swallowed hard. He looked at his father who was leaning on Mr. Black now. "Mum and Melly have been moved then?" James asked, his voice shaking.

"Yes. And they are waiting for you. We will bring you to them, but you must come alone. I'm sorry," Mr. Black said, looking at Sirius knowing he would want to come as well. 

James turned to his friends. "Have fun in Rome," he said to Sirius. 

"I can't possibly go away now," Sirius said.

"No, go. You'll need the holiday. Who knows when you'll get another one?" Sirius looked uncertain, but James knew he was going to go. He also knew Remus was going with him. He knew they would have a wonderful time, and James wanted them to. His eyes scanned Lily next. She had tears running down her cheeks. "I won't be away long," he whispered to her as he embraced her. "I promise. You go with Sirius and move into our flat, I'll be there soon." He kissed her cheek. Then he glanced at Peter and Remus with a sort of seriousness. "Keep yourselves safe," he said. And then turned to his father.

Mr. Black ushered James and Mr. Potter away. And the other four stood alone staring at the stone barrier that they disappeared through.

The rest of the night was clouded by silence and fear. Lily looked white when she met her parents outside the barrier. Peter looked confused and helpless as his mother met him and took his trunk. Remus had told his parents he would be staying with Sirius tonight in the two bedroom flat he and James had rented just outside of London. They gave each other meaningful glances and then got into a Muggle taxi just outside of Kings Cross. 

"What are you thinking?" Remus asked when Sirius hadn't spoken in nearly ten minutes.

"How are we supposed to enjoy Rome? My family is involved in this too. We will fight to the death for the Potters."

"Then you know they are in good hands. There is nothing you can do right now, is there?" Remus asked.

"No." Sirius looked glum. "I'm not sure there is anything I can do ever. I can't just be having fun in Rome while James is trying to save his family from Voldemort."

"James wants you to go. He wants you to have a break. Then you can come back and be better equipped to help." Remus put his hand on Sirius's shoulder. 

"I know," Sirius said. The rest of the evening was spent in silence. When they arrived at their new flat, Sirius fell asleep almost immediately, much to the disappointment of Remus.

Green flames rose in the fireplace in a small two bedroom flat and moments later Remus popped out of the fire, brushing himself off and picking up his rucksack. He had just stepped out of the fire when Sirius appeared. He was in much better spirits. Mostly due to an owl he received two days into his holiday. It was from James and said that they had found another place to hide and everyone was safe.

"Prongs," Sirius called dropping his bags on the ground in the living room. There was no answer. "Prongsie?" Sirius called again. A mischievous grin came to his face when he turned to Remus. "I think we're alone." He pressed his lips to Remus and led him down the small hallway to the back of the house where the bedrooms were. "We never really got a chance to check out that bed did we?" Sirius' eyes gleamed. Just as they reached the door to Sirius' bedroom the door to the other room opened. 

James appeared his already untidy hair more tousled then usual, wearing only sweatpants.

"You're back," James said out of breath.

Sirius held in a snicker. "Yes we are. Were you sleeping?" He laughed.

James blew off the comment. "How was Rome?" He asked. A second later Lily appeared in the doorway, covered only in a blue satin sheet. She didn't look at all sheepish about being caught in this situation.

"Hi Lily," Sirius said, his smile broadening. 

"Sirius, Remus. Was Rome beautiful?" She asked.

"I don't know. We never left the hotel," Sirius smiled at Remus. Remus turned red.

James was looking at Lily and clearly didn't hear what they'd said. "Well, you know where your room is," he trailed off as Lily left his side. Then turned to follow her and closed the door.

Remus and Sirius both broke out into laughter. They looked at each other, then to the room that seemed to be calling them. It was bare. There were no pictures on the walls and the only piece of furniture was a bed. Sirius took Remus by the waist and led him into the bedroom.

__

Lily

Tonight at midnight an attack is planned on James. Please be aware and cautious. Don't be anywhere near his flat.

Severus

Lily looked at the parchment horrified. She grabbed her wand and went as fast as she could to James house.

Sirius grasped the zipper on Remus' robes in his teeth and moved down his body, exposing more skin as he went. His hands met the bare skin and a moan escaped Remus' mouth. Suddenly, Sirius stopped. 

"Shhh," he said and cocked his head as if to hear something. He jumped up and gasped, "James," and ran out of the room, readjusting his own robes as he went. Just behind him he heard Remus zip up his clothes and follow. Sirius used his wand to force James door opened and saw a Death Eater in a mask standing in his room.

_"Profundus immobilus,"_ Sirius yelled, and the Death Eater fell to the floor. He ran over to James, who had his own wand out and ready, but looked like he had the wits scared out of him.

"How did he get in here?" Sirius asked.

"He Apparated. We didn't think about that, did we? They can just come into our house and kill us, can't they?" James was shaken. 

Remus looked out the window. "Was it just the one?" He asked.

"I think so." Sirius coaxed James to sit down on the bed and put his hand on a shoulder. "You see anymore, Moony?"

"No," he said with a slight concern in his voice. "But they never attack alone," he said under his breath. "Contact the Ministry. Get them out here." Remus held out his wand, "I'll go outside and look around." 

"Remus," Sirius began.

"I'll be fine. You stay here with James. Contact the Ministry." He was gone.

Remus cautiously walked down the street, noticing the streetlights had been extinguished. He lit his wand and looked around. At the end of the street he saw four people standing, three apparently had been stunned. He prepared to battle, but no wands were drawn. The three that were stunned had masks on, but one had her wand in her hand. He narrowed his eyes and saw who was standing in front of him. It was Lily, looking pale and scared. "One got away," she said shakily.

Remus walked to her. The three masked Death Eaters stood unnaturally still. He put out a hand to comfort her.

"James?" She asked, still in shock.

"He's fine. Are you alright?" 

"I knew they were coming. I had to stop them. I tried to hex all of them, but it didn't work. One gave me this," she turned her face and Remus saw an open wound on her head. "He didn't think to use his wand, he just hit me. Then he Disapparated."

"It's okay. The Ministry is on the way." Remus looked at the other people standing there. He wanted to take off their masks, so see who they were. But he didn't. The Ministry would be there soon enough. He took Lily by the shoulder and led her toward the flat. "Come inside. James will want to see you." Remus walked Lily down the street. What he didn't see was someone he trusted was standing just behind him, wearing a mask. Someone he treated as a brother. Peter Pettigrew. 

By the time Remus and Lily had walked back to the flat, five Ministry officials were there. They had the Death Eater bound and were taking him to question him when Remus and Lily walked through the door. Everyone was surprised to see Lily.

"What are you doing here?" James asked trying to control his trembling.

"She stopped the rest of them from coming here." Remus said. He saw the glance exchanged between Lily and James and then wondered if he'd said something wrong.

"How did you know they were coming?" James asked suspiciously. 

"I got an owl telling me," Lily said.

"An owl from whom?" James asked narrowing his eyes. 

"Mr. Potter. Sorry, but we need to ask you some questions. Would you come with us to the Ministry?" An Auror asked. James took his eyes off Lily and looked at the Auror.

"Frank," a Ministry wizard standing in the doorway said, "We checked out the street and it seems he is the only one." The wizard said to the Auror who was talking to James.

"No," Remus said, "there were three others."

"We didn't see anyone else," the wizard disregarded what Remus had said and closed his notebook. "I think we're done here."

Sirius looked perplexed. "What about James. He's not safe here."

"They won't come back," another wizard said. It was obvious they were anxious to get this over with and return to their homes.

"But what if they do?" Sirius asked, grabbing the Auror by the robes. 

"If it would help you feel better, Mr. Black, I will stand guard outside. Just let me tell my wife I won't make it home tonight." 

"Thank you," Sirius said. He looked at Remus. "We have to find a better way. We can't have an Auror outside all the time."

"I'll search for something tomorrow," Remus said.

After days of searching and endless nights of easing Sirius' fears that James will be killed if they don't watch over him constantly, Remus finally found a spell that would help James. It involved some very difficult incantations and at least two other people to make it as effective as possible, but it was the only spell he could find. 

"It's called the _Portus Salus _Charm," he told Sirius and James as they sat in the living room of their flat. "It will entail Sirius and I drinking a _Salus_ potion then taking our blood after we've had the potion and putting our blood in the potion you drink. You drink that potion; Sirius and I will say the incantation, _Portus Salus ab hinc persona, _keeping the emphasis on _Salus _and _persona_. The only problem is we have no way of knowing if it worked unless someone tries to attack you. We also have no way of knowing if someone has broken the charm. So it's a bit risky, but it's the best thing I could find so far."

"It's better then nothing," James said. "And maybe Sirius will finally be able to sleep so he can actually be functional at work."

Sirius didn't respond to the remark. "This is the best you could find?" He asked Remus half annoyed, half admiring the work he'd put into this.

"Yes. But if it makes you feel better, it works 85% of the time. As long as we say the incantation right and mix the potion correctly, then it will work.

"I guess there is no other choice." Sirius looked at his hands hopelessly then felt Remus lace his own fingers through his. 

"It's just until we find something better," Remus said.

Lily had gotten wind of this charm and was adamant that she too be involved. The more people involved the stronger the potion. Lily had also mentioned they should get Peter to do it also, but something in the pit of Remus' stomach told him they should probably leave Peter out of it. 

It had only taken two days to get the potion concocted and the four of them sat quietly in a circle around a single blue bell flame. They all looked at James as each person drank the bitter potion then cut a small gash in their finger. When the last drop of blood had been added to the potion and the potion bubbled, James drank it. He was afraid he wouldn't be able to swallow it. It seemed his gullet had forgotten how to work and the horrid taste of blood and the potion sat in his mouth. He took a deep breath and then swallowed. Immediately the incantation followed so in unison that he couldn't make out any individual voice. "_Portus Salus ab hinc persona,_" they chanted. A sudden sensation of arms wrapping themselves around James came to him. He felt safe. He didn't know if that meant the charm had worked or if it was just his mind playing games. But he liked the feeling. He liked the safety that he hadn't felt in months.


	4. For Life

Thanks to everyone who is giving me feedback. It's nice to know a story is appreciated. And, as always, thanks to Emily for being such a good beta reader.

****

CHAPTER 4

For Life

Remus had just pulled his head out of the fire when Sirius walked into the living room. "Who were you flooing with?" Sirius asked him.

"My Mum and Dad," Remus replied. He stared at Sirius. He had a serious subject to bring up, but if Sirius wasn't in the mood then it would just end in an argument. He couldn't tell what kind of mood he was in. He felt his head getting light. His stomach lurched. "How was your day? Work going alright?" He spoke faster then usual.

"Yes, fine," Sirius kissed Remus on the cheek then noticed the solemn expression on his face. "What?" He asked scared. Sirius was afraid someone else had died. He was panic-stricken.

"No, it's nothing serious, well it is, but it's not what your thinking," Remus noticed the panic in Sirius' eyes and continued, "I just think I should go home for a while." He said it; surprised it came out so clearly.

"You…you want to leave?" Sirius looked hurt.

"I don't want to leave," Remus started pacing the room. "I just don't like you always paying for everything. I'm not your responsibility. I shouldn't be tying you down."

"Tying me down?" Sirius repeated. "I want you here. I will do whatever I can to keep you here. I don't mind sharing my things with you. There is nobody else I would rather share my life with." 

"I don't feel right about…" Remus started but was interrupted by a kiss.

"I love you," Sirius said into his lips.

Remus felt like he was floating. He'd dreamed for years of hearing Sirius say that but thought it was impossible. If Sirius wasn't holding him Remus was sure his knees would have given out. "Oh God. I love you too." 

"Prongs?" Sirius knocked on the door of his bedroom. James emerged from his room and saw Sirius, Remus and Peter standing outside the door, all with suspicious-looking grins on their faces.

"What is it?" James asked.

"Get some decent robes on, we're taking you out," Peter said.

"Taking me out? I'm getting married tomorrow, I need to sleep." James looked disbelieving at them.

"I know. That's why we have to have one last night together before you get tied to the whip," Sirius said, making a whipping noise. James still stood there looking dumbfounded. Sirius pushed past him into his room and pulled out some clean black robes. "Here, put these on. We'll be waiting in the other room." Sirius threw the robes to James and then walked out of the room. Remus and Peter followed.

Sirius looked nervously at the clock. If James didn't hurry they wouldn't have much time to do anything. Sirius wanted to be in bed at a reasonable hour as well, as he also had a part in the wedding tomorrow, though obviously not as big as James' part. It was nearly 20 minutes later when James came out of his room, dressed in the robes Sirius had handed him. They decided it wouldn't be a good idea to apparate, since the place they were taking James was most definitely a place he'd never been. Sirius and Remus had only just found the place that day by recommendation from Peter. They threw some ash in the fireplace and Sirius went first. "Hags Hell," he said and disappeared in a rush of green flames.

"What did he say?" James asked looking a little nervous.

"Oh, it's just the name, really. It's not such a bad place," Peter smiled. "Go, Remus and I will follow."

James studied the faces of two of his best friends. "Lily will kill me if this is a…."

"Just go," Remus smiled. "It's called Hags Hell."

James wondered why he was so worried. Remus wouldn't let the others take him to a place that would be questionable to his relationship with Lily. Would he? He climbed in the fireplace and said, "Hags Hell." A moment later he was gone.

"Well, after you then," Remus laughed.

"He's going to kill us," Peter said. He climbed into the fire.

"Probably," Remus said as Peter disappeared. He then climbed into the fire and was gone a second later.

Remus brushed himself off climbing out of the fireplace of a dark dingy club. About ten feet in front of them was a stage. The lights that lit up the stage seemed so bright it almost hurt his eyes. On the stage was a beautiful white haired witch, wearing only a piece of fabric held on by two thin strings for panties and doing unspeakable things with a metal pole that stuck up out of the ground. Remus couldn't help but laugh at the expression on James face.

"I can't believe you," James said to Sirius.

"What? Every guy has to do something like this the night before he gets married. It's like law or something," Sirius said. Peter joined next to them holding out two glasses of Witches Brewed Slave ale. 

"Come on, lets find a place to sit," he said.

They found a small round table that the four of them only just fit around. It was far enough from the stage that James didn't feel too uncomfortable, but not far enough that he couldn't see the witches dancing on stage. He wasn't sure he wanted to see it, but then he wasn't sure he didn't want to either. 

"What do you think of this?" James asked Remus.

"We aren't here for me, it doesn't matter what I think," Remus smiled and motioned to a skimpily dressed waitress. He ordered a drink for himself then downed it in just two gulps. Clearly Remus was a little uncomfortable in this place. 

Sirius then raised his hand and motioned for the waitress. Again she returned, and Sirius leaned up to say something in her ear. The waitress nodded and left the table.

"What did you say to her?" James asked nervously. He could only imagine.

"You'll see," Sirius smiled. Then winked at Remus from across the table. "Have another drink, Moony. Then I'll be able to take advantage of you later."

"I don't have to be drunk for you to do that," Remus laughed.

Peter looked uneasily at them. They had never actually come out and said to Peter that they were a couple, but Peter figured it out. It became obvious that he lived in the flat with Sirius and James. There was no other place he could have slept. Peter knew he wasn't sleeping on the couch. Only now was it even more obvious when they had asked Peter earlier that month if he wanted James bedroom after he got married. "We won't be using it," they said. Peter refused. He didn't think living with Remus and Sirius would be such a good idea. It would be too easy for them to catch on to his darker side. It would make him closer to James though, he thought. But in the end he decided that he was better off where he was staying, at his mother's house.

A young witch wearing a boa and a top that was so small James wasn't sure she didn't just take one of the cocktail napkins and put it over her large breasts. Her tiny leather mini skirt just covered the back of her butt. "Which one of you is James?" She asked.

James turned red and looked angrily at Sirius who had a grin of delight on his face. "Over there," Sirius pointed to James.

The young witch walked over to James and sat down on his lap. The sheer look of terror on James face was enough to scare anyone away. The witch said, "Don't worry. I know your getting married. I'm just supposed to show you what you're missing." She started to put her arms around his neck when James pulled her back.

"Um, how about showing Peter over there," James pointed to Peter whose eyes lit up. The witch looked annoyed, she was just doing her job. Then she walked to the other end of the table and sat in Peter's lap. 

"You are so dead," James said to Sirius. Sirius looked pleased with himself. He moved his chair over so he could be closer to Remus then said something in his ear that made Remus turn red.

"We're getting out of here," Sirius told James, but kept looking at Remus and kissing him. "See you tomorrow," Sirius said. He walked over to the fireplace, his hands in Remus' pocket. Giving him one last kiss, he disappeared into the flames, followed by Remus.

James watched Peter as the girl on his lap gave him her attention. James wondered if he would even notice if James just left. But he thought maybe he had better wait and tell him he was going. After about 5 more minutes the witch gave Peter a kiss on the cheek and left. Peter looked thoroughly happy. 

"Sirius and Remus left. I think I'm going to get going as well. I have a busy day tomorrow," James said.

"Alright. I'll see you tomorrow then," Peter said. 

James got up from the table, walked over to the fireplace and Flooed home. Peter stared at the flames long after James had left. He knew what was expected of him by Voldemort, he just wasn't sure it was what he wanted to do. As if Voldemort was reading his mind, two Death Eaters appeared at the table. Peter recognized them, but didn't know their names. Voldemort didn't want the identieies of his followers known, even to other followers.

"Tomorrow there will be a whole crowd of Potters then?" One asked. They were unmasked due to the fact that they were in a public place. 

"Y-yes," Peter said hesitantly. 

"Then there should be no reason why we can't get them all in one blow," the other Death Eater said.

"Good work, Wormtail," the first one said again. He looked around the club, seemingly impressed that Wormtail would be in a place like this. He winked at one of the waitresses. She smiled back. Peter just wanted them to leave. He kept glancing at the fireplace wishing he was standing in it. When the second Death Eater ordered a drink he sighed. He was going to have to be friendly with these men. Fortunately a few minutes later the drink was gone and the two men disapparated. Peter was alone and feeling scared and guilty. How had he gotten into a mess like this? He wondered.

"Are you ready?" Sirius pounded on the James bedroom door. James and Lily had gotten a house in London and moved all James' stuff out just two days earlier. 

The door opened and James came out wearing light gray robes that were fitted to him perfectly. There was a hint of light blue in his collar and around the cuffs.

"Look at you," Sirius said impressed. "I've never seen you look so nice. It even looks like you got your wild hair to lie down." Sirius patted James head, and the cowlick in the back popped up again.

"And you," James said. Sirius was wearing light blue robes that were fitted to his form as well. "I didn't know you could clean up," James laughed.

"He looks gorgeous," Remus said coming out of his bedroom and wrapping an arm around Sirius' waist. Remus was simply wearing dress robes. The wedding was going to be a small event, for safety reasons. Sirius was James only attendant and Lily's only attendant was her cousin Elisa. If James could have his way he would have had Peter and Remus up there with him. But according to Lily it wouldn't work to have more set of groom's attendants then bride's. 

Sirius smiled at Remus and said, "I wish I could wear that instead. It looks far more comfortable." He leaned in and kissed Remus. James sighed and walked past them into the other room. They had ten minutes before they had to be at the field where the wedding was. James was starting to feel nervous. Why? He wondered. He knew from the time he started dating Lily that she was the one he was supposed to be with. Maybe it was the idea of standing in front of his whole family and committing to her for life that made his nerves act up. Or maybe he was nervous cause now he was adding Lily to the mess that the Potters were in with Voldemort. Yes, she didn't have the blood. And they had agreed not to have any children until Voldemort was gone just to keep her safe. As long as she wasn't carrying a child there would be no Potter blood in her. But he still couldn't help but worry about her. He loved her more then anything in the world. His life only mattered because Lily was in it. If anything ever happened to her, he would forget how to live.

"Let's go, Prongs," Sirius said, standing by the door. 

James was jolted back to reality and saw Sirius and Remus getting ready to apparate. "Alright," James said, joining them. In a matter of seconds the flat was empty.

Lily sat in front of a mirror alone. She wore white robes that seemed to have a sort of enchantment in them so when she moved a light pink tint showed. Her auburn hair was pulled up into a twist and she wore a halo of garland around her head. It was perfect.

"He's certainly lucky," the mirror told her. 

"So am I," she replied back smiling. 

"Hey beautiful," someone called from behind her. She sat in a white canvas tent. She turned and saw Sirius beaming at her.

"Is James here?" She asked.

"Nah, he's going to let me marry you instead."

Lily laughed, "Sure. Remus would love that." She smiled at his classy light blue robes. 

"We have to get a picture of you looking like this, you know. I'm sure we'll never see it again."

"Are you almost ready?" Sirius asked. "James is getting pretty anxious."

"Yes, I'll be out in a minute. Just have to wait for my father." Sirius left the canvas tent and Lily looked into the mirror one more time. She could hear the music playing outside by four magical instruments. A harp, a violin, a bass guitar and a cello all magically played by themselves. Lily's father appeared behind her. "You ready to get married?" He asked. Mr. Evans was losing his youngest child, and even though he should be happy she was marrying the man of her dreams, as she put it, he was still sad to lose his little girl.

"I've been ready since I was 16," she said smiling. She walked over to her father and sensed his sadness at seeing her grown up. She kissed his cheek. "I'll always be your daughter, you know."

Mr. Evans held out his arm. Lily took it and they exited the tent. Lily was about to become a Potter.

"Look at them," Remus said smiling. "They look so happy." The ceremony had just ended and Remus was standing next to Sirius, holding a glass of champagne. Lily and James were glowing as they danced with each other. "You ever want to get married?" Remus asked, not taking his eyes of James and Lily.

"To you," Sirius replied casually.

Remus looked at him. That was the last thing he had expected Sirius to say. "You know that's not possible."

"Then no, I don't ever want to get married." Sirius looked into Remus' eyes and winked. 

"Come on, let's dance," Remus said putting his champagne glass down. He wanted nothing more at that moment then to hold Sirius in his arms. Maybe Sirius didn't understand the impact of what he had just said, but Remus knew what it meant to him. It meant that Sirius wanted to spend his life with him.

"What is this music?" Sirius asked as he put his arms around Remus' waist.

"Some Muggle song. Lily wanted some of this to reflect her Muggle background."

"It's not bad," Sirius said. Remus leaned his head on Sirius' shoulder. Sirius kissed the top of his head and swayed to the music. To him there was nobody else in the world. He couldn't see the eyes staring questionably at them. He didn't see the Blacks whispering. He wouldn't have cared if he did see it. This was right to Sirius. This was how it was meant to be, in the arms of his lover.

The sun was setting in the pink sky and some of the guests had decided to leave. Sirius sat at a table with Peter and Remus. Peter looked very nervous about something. Dumbledore, who was a friend of the Potter family, was there dancing with a short witch whose head just met Dumbledore's chest. Sirius noticed Peter's expression get even more nervous as he saw two wizards in dress robes standing by the food table. Sirius had never seen the men before. They weren't Muggles; that was obvious by the way they dressed. And Sirius was sure he knew all the people James had invited. "Who are they?" He asked.

Peter started to turn green. Before anyone had a chance to answer an enormous blast sounded and half the field had exploded. There were screams of terror. Sirius and Remus jumped to their feet and held out their wands. Peter seemed to have disappeared. 

The scene had cleared and there were bodies of Potters laying everywhere. Sirius recognized a couple of his family in the mix as well. He ran toward them. James stood in front of one of the Death Eaters, glaring at him, wand raised. The man shouted, "_Mortificare_" and pointed to James. Lily screamed. A red stream of sparks bounded out of the Death Eaters wand, but James kept standing. The _Portus Salus_ Charm had worked. James was safe, and ready to attack. Surely he could take on two death eaters, he thought. But at that moment at least ten more showed up out of nowhere. Sirius looked at Remus, a sort of plea for help but a look of not wanting him to be hurt. "Get the rest of them and keep guard," Sirius mouthed to him. Remus nodded and started herding the rest of the Potters and guests into a tent, then put a locking charm on the outside of it. He called to Lily, "don't let anyone out until we say it's okay."

"Remus, let me help," Lily called.

"I need you to help me by keeping everyone safe and calm," he called back to her. "We won't be long, I hope," he whispered. He left the group by putting an anti-magic charm around the tent, which meant no magic could be used inside, but nobody could apparate inside either. Remus ran toward James and Sirius who now had at least a few of the death eaters stunned and noticed that Dumbledore and a friend of the family, Auror Frank Longbottom, had joined in to help. Dumbledore seemed to be making the most progress, putting hexes on the attackers that left them alive but unconscious. They had to keep them alive as a hope to find out where Voldemort was. 

"Where's Lily," James asked, holding the end of a lassoed rope with his wand. Inside the rope were 5 unconscious Death Eaters. It seemed however, that the more they managed to capture, twice that many appeared out of nowhere. They were outnumbered 3 to 1 now. 

"She's inside the tent with the rest of the guests. I put an anti magic charm around it, so she'll be alright," Remus said standing next to James, wand out and ready.

"Where is the damn ministry?" Sirius yelled, ducking a bright red blast aimed for his head. "Longbottom called them nearly 5 minutes ago. They should have apparated by now."

Remus was finally able to see the group of Potters that were lying on the ground, unconscious. Melora Black, Sirius' cousin, was a medi-witch and was trying to see if she could revive them. All the while she was dodging blasts from wands that were aimed at her. 

Before anyone had much of a chance to think Dumbledore shouted, "_Somonus"_ and the group of Death Eaters fell to the ground. All of them. Still standing, ready for more to appear Dumbledore and James had wands out. 

"We've got to get everyone out of here," James yelled. "They aren't safe."

"We can't get them all in the tent and there isn't anywhere else that they can go right now." Sirius said back.

"Give me a few minutes," Remus said, and disapparated.

Sirius' eyes got big. Now that he couldn't see Remus he couldn't make sure he stayed safe. He looked around the field, contemplating finding Remus when James called, "He can take care of himself. We need you here." 

James was right, Remus was a great wizard and Sirius was needed there. James and Dumbledore didn't move out of their attack stance, but Sirius walked over to his cousin, fearing the worst.

"Are they dead?" he asked.

Melora looked up at him, tears running down her cheek. It was then that Sirius noticed she was bent over her father. "Yes," she said.

Sirius looked at the bodies. Among them many of James aunts and uncles, even ones that didn't have the Potter blood in them. His heart ached when he walked along two rows of bodies, recognizing all of them. Then, much to his horror, he stopped in front of one of the bodies. It was Sirius' father. He bent down, cradled his head and sobbed. He didn't notice when Remus returned 20 minutes later. The Potter family touched a Portkey and were gone. Remus had put an anti magic spell around his parent's house in Scotland. The house was large enough to house all the Potters. And where it would be a hardship for nobody to use magic in the house, it seemed like one they could deal with. This situation was only temporary anyway.

Remus stood alone looking at his lover, his heart breaking from the sight. Sirius was supposed to be the strong one, the one who didn't break down.

"Are you alright?" Remus asked, sitting down next to Sirius on the ground.

Sirius simply shook his head. He fell into Remus' lap and let out his tears.

"How did they know we were here?" Sirius asked not hiding the tremble in his voice.

"I don't know," Remus said, rubbing Sirius' head.

James and Lily had decided they would be most effective in their house in London since the _Portus Salus_ charm was working. James father had also decided to run the risk and stayed in London. But the death of Sirius' father was a blow to everyone, and for a while it seemed that there was no way they could succeed in this. Sirius had always thought his father was invincible. He refused to talk about his feelings to anyone, even Remus, and it put a kink in their relationship.

Remus went back and forth, from his flat to his parent's house, which he couldn't apparate within three miles of, so it was quite a task to get there. He felt he owed it to his parents to help out, however, since this was his idea in the first place. About one week into the exile at the Lupin house Dumbledore knocked on the door. Remus answered, wand out and ready, never sure who he would see when he opened the door.

"Remus," Dumbledore regarded. 

"Professor Dumbledore," Remus said. "What can I help you with?" He asked.

"I'm a little thirsty," Dumbledore said. Not surprising, especially if he walked the whole three miles to the Lupins.

"Of course. Come in, have some tea." Remus said.

Dumbledore generously walked into the large house and was quickly surrounded by several of the Potter family. A china teacup was placed in front of him, and one of the witches filled it.

Dumbledore took a sip and then said, "As you know, Hogwarts is out of session until September 1st. I have prepared a wing in the school for you to stay until the start of term. I know that's only six weeks, but I feel we can make much better progress if we are all together in this. There is an enchantment on the school. It's ancient magic. It's called the _Bormous_ _Enchantment_, named after the warlock who invented it. It protects the school from being attacked. If a person tries to enter the school grounds by any means which is illegal, or if they come in by any entrance other then the front gate, the enchantment will banish them to a field in the middle of the desert in Egypt."

There was a sigh of relief, not just from the Lupins who didn't mind so much helping out but seemed burdened with not being able to use magic, but also relief from the Potters who felt this was the first real step in the right direction. With all of them working with Dumbledore, something was sure to get accomplished.


	5. Mistakes

Like always, I don't own any of these characters, but if I did I'd make Remus and Sirius wear tight leather pants all the time.

And, like always, thanks to my beta reader who is awesome.

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CHAPTER 5

Mistakes

With the Potter family safely at Hogwarts and the Lupin house back to normal, Remus now had more time to focus on Sirius, who only got out of bed for work at the Ministry and then returned straight to bed once his work was done. The hardest part was that Sirius was forbidden to discuss his work with anyone, so Remus felt excluded in this part of his life. And now this part of his life was an obsession. Sirius could forget about the anguish he felt over the loss of his father only when he was consumed with work. He and James were busy trying to find other ways to break the spell within Voldemort that would assure his immortality. It seemed nearly impossible but the hope was if they could rid the spell, Voldemort could stop going after the Potters. It seemed a good idea in theory but most likely wouldn't stop Voldemort from going after the Potters.

Remus wanted to take Sirius' mind off his work, even if just for a few days. "Let's go to Paris," he said to Sirius, looking across the table as Sirius read through piles and piles of papers from work.

"Can't. Have to get this work done. You can go if you want," Sirius said not looking up.

"I don't want to go alone. I just thought it would be nice to have some time together. You haven't had a day off in a month." Remus hated feeling like the neglected housewife, but he couldn't help it. He missed Sirius. They rarely ever saw each other and even less often were intimate. 

"When we get all this worked out, Moony, we'll take a holiday. But not now." Sirius picked up the papers took one last sip of coffee and Disapparated. 

Remus sighed and looked out at the garden he was going to attend to that day. He wished he had more to do with his days, or at least, someone to spend time with him.

September 1st rolled around and the Potters were moved to another secure location. Sirius was still working round the clock, hardly even taking time to sleep. When he did sleep it was not peaceful. He would toss and turn and make noises. It kept Remus up as well. He had considered moving into the spare bedroom just so he could get some rest.

Remus was now working with Dumbledore. Lily had told Dumbledore of the spells and charms he had managed to find for James, and Dumbeldore felt that Remus would be a valuable asset for the cause. He was working three days a week with the Potters and meeting with Dumbledore two days a week. It gave him great self-esteem, and he finally was doing something useful. It meant a lot to him that he wasn't left out of this, but he felt Sirius was still slipping further and further away from him. He understood, but still longed to be with him the way they used to be. Now, if they ever were intimate it was rushed, like it was an obligation. Remus missed the nights of being held. The sweet kisses that he could feel all the way to his toes. He missed the soul exposing chats they had. Sirius was more a stranger now then he had ever been before. 

A small relief in this was on Sirius' birthday. January 15th brought mild weather, and the moon was new, so Remus felt amazing. As the evening approached he waited for Sirius. James was responsible for bringing him home at a decent hour, and Lily was responsible for making sure James got Sirius home at a decent hour. And Remus was responsible for the large gift that sat in the backgrounds of the flat. An excitement filled him like none he could remember since childhood waiting for Santa Claus. A bell rang in the kitchen, telling him the beautiful cake was done. He pulled out of the oven a perfectly decorated and frosted chocolate cake with vanilla icing, Sirius' favorite. Remus smiled wondering what they could do later with the left over icing, hoping Sirius would be in the mood for it. 

He heard noise coming from the doorway and braced himself to see Sirius. But when there was a knock on the door he paused. Why would Sirius knock? He walked to the door and opened it, only to see a pale Lily standing there. "What happened?" Remus asked.

"There was another attack. They got six Potters." 

Remus took Lily by the hand and led her inside to the sofa. "Oh God."

"I'm afraid we aren't going to win this one, Remus. What if I lose James?" Lily had tears running down her face.

"We'll have to work harder and find something. There has to be something. We won't let him win." Remus didn't want to sound inconsiderate, but he really needed to know, "where are James and Sirius?"

"Still with Dumbledore. I'm sure they'll be late tonight." Lily looked blankly at the floor.

"Does Dumbledore need us there?" Remus said.

"No, he said to stay on standby. James doesn't want me near him now." Her voice was hoarse. "He's afraid it's too dangerous."

"Do you want to stay here?" Remus asked, greatly wanting the company. 

"Thank you," Lily said smiling for the first time that night. 

Remus walked to the spare bedroom and magicked the sheets and bedspread off and put fresh ones on. When that was done he vanished the dirty ones to the laundry.

"Tea?" He asked coming out into the living room. He stopped short when he saw Lily asleep on the sofa. Her auburn hair had fallen into her face. Remus smiled, then picked her up and carried her to the bed. He could see now how it was so easy for James to love her. She was an amazing woman. Remus put her in the bed, pulled up the sheets and kissed her cheek. He took one last look at her, then turned and shut the door.

Remus stood in the hallway for a minute. He didn't want to be alone. He didn't want one more night where he was up worried about Sirius. He just wanted to be someplace where there were lots of people. He scribbled a note for Lily, threw it on the table in the living room and Disapparated.

Seconds later he arrived at a pub just outside Hogsmeade. It was a dingy old pub. Dark and cold. He sat at the bar and looked around. The only reason he knew about this place was because he used to come here during Holidays before he hooked up with Sirius. They didn't seem to mind that he was underage. Most of the men in this pub didn't seem to care about anything except the other men in the pub. When he was 15 Remus met his first lover here. A man who was years older than him, but sweet and gentle and said all the things that Remus wanted to hear. He felt at that time in his life, when nothing made sense, that this was the place where people didn't care what he did or who he was. They were just glad he was there. That was all he wanted this night, someone to be glad he was there. He sat at the bar and ordered a drink called Firey Death. The bartender watched him down it then immediately order another. 

"It'll burn a hole in your stomach if you keep drinking it like that." A handsome wizard sat down next to him. "Two more," the wizard said when Remus finished the second glass.

"I haven't seen you here before. You new?" The wizard asked.

"No, I haven't been here in years." Remus said, taking a gulp of the drink the bartender placed in front of him. He could already feel the drinks getting to him. He should slow down.

"My name is Angelo," he held out his hand.

"Remus," Remus said taking the hand of the other man. It was soft and gentle. 

"What brings you here tonight after so long?" Angelo asked.

"It's my boyfriends birthday," Remus said, staring into the half full drink in front of him.

"Is he here with you?" 

"No, he's working. But someone has to have a drink to celebrate his birth, right?" Remus wasn't sure he was making any sense. His head was getting blurred.

"Sounds like a good theory to me. But you shouldn't be alone." Angelo said.

Remus picked up his glass and drank another deep gulp. "I'm used to being alone by now," he whispered.

Angelo put his hand on Remus', which was now resting on the bar. His soft skin sent electricity through him. He missed being touched. He looked up at the young man. His eyes were a shade of green like none he'd ever seen before. Their eyes locked. Remus studied the man's lips. They looked tasty. When Angelo placed a glass to them and took a sip it was almost poetic. Angelo's mouth took in the drink and he placed the glass back on the bar. Something overtook Remus. He needed to taste that drink. He needed to taste it from this other man's lips. Remus leaned in and met Angelo's lips. He was welcomed by a soft caressing tongue. It was filling to Remus. It was satisfying. It was what he was searching for.

"Do you want to go back to my flat?" Angelo asked, releasing Remus' lips.

Remus suddenly caught wind of what he was doing. He thought of Sirius. Oh God, Sirius. "No, I shouldn't."

Angelo looked disappointed. "You don't deserve to be alone tonight," he said.

"Thank you," Remus stood up. "I should get going." He took one last look at the discontented young wizard and Disapparated.

Remus didn't go directly home. He walked around Hogsmeade for a long time, thinking. He really did want to go back to Angelo's flat. What did that say about him? He would turn on the one person he loved more then any other just for a fling? Should he tell Sirius? He didn't know. The hour he spent walking didn't seem to clear his mind either. He was just more confused. He had to get home though, he didn't think he should have left Lily for as long as he did. He closed his eyes, half hoping Sirius was there when he got home and half hoping he wasn't. He Disapparated, this time going home.

When Remus Apparated into the living room James, Sirius and Lily sat on the couch stoically. Some birthday this was for Sirius, Remus thought. 

"Where did you go?" Sirius asked in a non-committal tone.

"Why did you just leave Lily here?" James asked more forcefully.

"James, it's fine. He didn't want to spend the night by himself," Lily said.

Remus looked at her thankfully. At least she understood, but it didn't make it right for Remus to leave. To think only about himself.

"I was just out," Remus said in a tired voice.

"Are you drunk?" Sirius asked standing.

"Maybe a little," came his reply. He looked into Sirius' eyes. They were different from the eyes he looked into earlier that evening. Angelo's eyes held fire and passion, something Remus longed for. But Sirius' eyes held love and caring. He couldn't bare to look into them any longer. He turned and walked to the bedroom. Sirius was close behind him.

Sirius closed the door and Remus fell into his arms. His comfortable arms. The arms he loved. "Are you alright?" Sirius asked. It was not like Remus to fall apart like this.

"Oh God, I don't know," Remus said. 

"What is it?" Sirius asked.

"Some birthday you're having?" Remus couldn't bring it up yet. 

Sirius laughed sarcastically, "Yeah. I saw the cake you made. Thank you."

"There's something outside too," Remus said in a soft tone.

"There is?" Sirius started for the door.

"Wait, I have to tell you something," Remus said before he could really think about what he was saying.

"Okay," Sirius said.

"You've been so distant recently. I know that what's going on must be hard for you. You should talk to me about it more," Remus wasn't sure where he was going with this.

Sirius sighed, "Please, let's not have this argument again."

"I kissed someone," Remus blurted surprising even himself with the quick confession.

"You did what?" Sirius asked confused.

Remus looked at the floor. He couldn't back out of it now. "I just needed to be close to someone. That doesn't make it right, but it's what happened." Sirius was glaring into his head, Remus could feel it, but he kept his eyes on the floor.

"Who?" Sirius asked, trying to make sense of it.

"You don't know him. Just someone I met at the pub," His heart ached.

Sirius was quiet for a minute. "Do you want someone else?" His voice cracked.

"No." Remus now looked up and saw there were tears forming in Sirius' eyes. He wasn't sure how he'd expected Sirius to take this, but tears just made his heart ache more.

Sirius crossed the room and looked out the window. "I'm not giving you what you want. If you want someone else…" he broke off.

"Stop it. I don't want anyone else," Remus said.

"Then why?" Sirius yelled. "I thought it was going okay. Yes, we were having a rough time, but everyone is."

Remus sat quietly looking at the floor again. He really didn't know why except for his selfish reasons. There was a knock on the bedroom door. 

"Hey, we're going home. Have fun in there," James called a hint of amusement in his voice. James obviously didn't know what was going on in the room.

They heard the footsteps vanish and the room was quiet for a few minutes. Sirius walked slowly toward the door then opened it. "I'm sleeping in the other room tonight," he said. He closed the door and Remus was alone, tears falling down his face.

The sun shot through the window and fell onto the bed, where Sirius had never fallen asleep. He stared up at the ceiling. His eyes were red and puffy and now he felt mad that he had to be to work in two hours and he had no sleep in his system. He turned and looked out the window and saw a huge oddly shaped package on the back lawn. He felt a sense of conflict in him now. Remus had planned a great night in celebration of his birthday and Sirius had work to attend to. Granted, it was important and James needed him, but Sirius should know that Remus was more important. Suddenly all the pleas of attention from Remus came back to him. He'd never seen it before. He never realized how neglected his lover felt. Sirius was too involved in his own grief, in his own pain to open up and share his pain with someone who loved him. Maybe that would have helped him to work through it. Remus had to feel some of that as well. Yes, he wasn't as close to the Potters as Sirius was, but he loved James too. He loved Sirius. Remus had to feel some kind of pain in seeing his friends in pain, and Sirius was too preoccupied with himself to notice. He climbed out of bed, pulled on his coat and walked outside in the cold air. He looked over the large package and wondered if he should get Remus out of bed to watch him open it. His excitement got the best of him and he pulled off the large enchanted wrapping paper and revealed a motorcycle. Sirius studied it. He'd never really seen anything like it in the wizarding world, but he'd seen motorcycles in the Muggle world. There was a button on the front that said "fly" and another one that said "invisibility booster". He walked around the black chrome and saw on the other side writing. It said "Love from" and then had a picture of a full moon. "Moony," Sirius finished.

"It reminded me of you." Remus stood behind Sirius watching him.

"How long have you been there?" Sirius asked. Not moving his eyes off the bike.

"I heard someone outside." 

Sirius looked at Remus. He looked like he hadn't slept much either. His eyes were red and had circles under them. He looked quite a bit like he did the morning after the full moon. But there was no full moon last night.

The silence was awkward, and Remus turned to go back inside when Sirius said, "Thank you. It's the best birthday present anyone's given me."

Remus stopped. He had to get inside. If he didn't he was going to lose it in front of Sirius. But his feet wouldn't work. A tear fell down his cheek as he turned back toward Sirius and said, "I'm so sorry." 

Sirius opened his mouth as if to say something, then closed it, realizing there wasn't anything he could say. He took two long strides over to Remus and held him. Remus broke down and sobbed into Sirius' chest. "I'm sorry I wasn't there for you," Sirius said softly. He put his finger under Remus' cheek and pushed his face up gently, so he could look into those brown eyes. He pushed his face down and met Remus' lips. 

Remus felt fire shoot through him. Like the first time they had kissed. He wanted to stay this way forever. He knew he didn't deserve forgiveness from Sirius, yet he got it. And suddenly the fact that he hadn't slept all night seemed to go away. He felt alive for the first time in weeks. He kissed Sirius back, gently at first then more and more forceful.

Sirius released his kiss and said softly, "Let's go inside, shall we?" 

Remus smiled and nodded. He wanted Sirius more at that moment then he had ever before in the past. 

Remus had just pulled a roast chicken out of the oven when Sirius walked in. "You're home," he said happily walking over and kissing him.

"Yeah, I am. I left work early. James said he'd cover for me." Sirius sniffed the air. "Wow, that smells great. How about packing it up?"

"Packing it up? What for?" Remus asked.

"Just trust me. Oh, and I got you something," Sirius pulled out a colorful bag and handed it to Remus. "You put these on and I'll put this chicken in a container and meet you back here in two minutes." Sirius smiled as Remus looked in the bag. His eyes bulged. "Put them on," Sirius laughed. 

Remus shook his head and walked back to the bedroom. Sirius chuckled and put the chicken in a container with some bread. A moment later Remus came back. Sirius' smile fell and he looked astonished.

"Dear Lord," Sirius said. "Those are…" he lost words. Remus was wearing a black tea shirt and black leather pants that fit him perfectly. 

"What? You don't like them? It was your idea…" Remus pulled at the tight leather.

"No, you look…hot. I can't wait to get those off you," Sirius said. 

Remus smiled. "What am I wearing this get up for anyway? Why aren't you dressed up?"

Sirius put on a mischievous grin and unzipped his robes, revealing a white tea shirt and tight black jeans. "Now, follow me sexy thing." He threw a coat to Remus, and pulled his own on, then walked outside.

Remus followed Sirius, embarrassed to be seen in public wearing such clothes. They stopped at the black motorcycle. "Climb on."

Remus tried to pull his leg over the seat, but realized his movement was restricted in these pants. He laughed and came up with a clever jump and landed on the back of the bike. Sirius laughed too and put the container of food in the small boot in the rear of the bike then climbed on himself.

They took off down the street, driving at first so not to attract Muggle attention, then Sirius pushed the invisibility booster and fly button at the same time and they were up in the air. 

Remus held tightly to Sirius, a little unsure of this venture, but happy to be so close to his lover. Sirius smelled wonderful. 

They landed about 30 minutes later in the middle of a deserted wood. Sirius helped Remus off the bike, then got out the food. With one tap of his wand the food was piping hot. Another tap and a napkin had turned into a blanket for them to sit on. Remus smiled. He couldn't think of anything he'd rather be doing. Well, there was one thing, but they'd get to that later. Sirius sat down on the blanket and motioned for Remus to do the same.

"Have some chicken," Sirius said, picking off some meat and putting it in Remus' mouth. Remus lingered on Sirius' finger long after the chicken flavor had left. He wasn't hungry anymore, at least not for food. He moved his mouth up to Sirius' neck and finally met his eager lips. 

Remus gently pushed Sirius on to the blanket and moved his kisses down. Down to a spot that would make Sirius gasp in ecstasy. It seemed, at least for the moment, that things were back to the way they were before the attack. Before the chaos. Before.


	6. Chapter 6 Harry

A/N….Okay, this chapter hasn't been betaed yet cause I feel bad that it's taking my beta so long. So there may be mistakes, and it may suck. Just warning you. 

About my reviews…thank you guys so much.

I have no clue about Latin, I'm using an online dictionary, which isn't very good as it is. I hope it's not annoying enough to discourage people to stop reading. If anyone is really good at Latin and wants to help me out with it, give me an e-mail, destyne76@yahoo.com

Blue Rain Child…LOL, I love the idea of Love the Road, it cracked me up. As mentioned above, I don't know Latin, but as I understand it Via also means journey. What Amere Via is meant to say is Love Journey. Sorry for confusion. :P

Once my beta gets off her keister (hehehe) and has this chapter done, I'll repost it, and it probably will be a lot better.

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Chapter 6

Harry

DECEMBER 1979

Over the next two years the attacks grew worse. Now even the Muggles were starting to be threatened, though they didn't know it. Hogwarts Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, Harold Prewett was taken and tortured as his wife and son were killed. He was killed also, but not before having the _Imperius Curse_ preformed on him and killing two more Muggle-born witches. Voldemort seemed to be in an uproar that the Potters had been so well protected, he now would go after anyone that stood in his way. Auror Thomas Bones was killed, leaving behind his wife who was only just pregnant.

The four remaining Potters spent summers at Hogwarts and winters moving from secure location to secure location. This should have been more traumatic for Melly Potter, James' 11 year old sister, but last September she started her first year at Hogwarts, and her safety was assured.

The work with Dumbledore was going well, so well in fact that the gang was starting to think the Ministry wasn't pulling their share of help, and James and Sirius quit there to help Dumbledore full time. They met in an abandoned classroom at the top of Hogwarts in top secret. 

Among those who were involved were, Arabella Figg and her husband Henry, Mundungus Fletcher, Frank and Estelle Longbottom and of course Lily, James, Sirius, Remus and Peter and an older warlock Jonas McKinnon. They had been equipped with a mechanism inside their bodies that allowed each one of them to communicate with the other at any time and from any distance. It could be disabled if it needed to be, but it was recommended that it was on when the user was not having "personal issues", as Dumbledore called it. The last thing anyone in the group wanted was to hear Remus and Sirius having sex. An idea which, of course, intrigued Sirius.

Things seemed to be going all right with Sirius and Remus. Of course things were still strained occasionally, but they reached a point where they were able to talk about it, and if they couldn't talk it out they could shag it out. At least now they were working together, but in different departments. Remus and Lily were the cleverest in the group so along with Arabella Figg, they looked up potions, came up with spells and tried to mix and match whatever they could. 

James, Sirius, Dumbledore, Mr. Potter and Mundungus Fletcher worked on defense. They're job still required a lot of secrecy, and they were away from Hogwarts most of the time, but at least it could be talked about to some extent with the others. 

Henry Figg, McKinnon, the Longbottoms and Peter worked on intelligence. Though for some reason their plans always seemed to be foiled. They were the brightest witches and wizards in the community. There had to be a reason Voldemort always seemed a step ahead in the area of intelligence.

Sirius sat across from James on a blanket in a snowy field where they were preparing their defenses. They were working a plan Lily came up with inspired by what the Muggles call a gun. They would make an explosive fly out of their wand, but instead of killing the person, but a spell on them that would make the person tell Dumbledore alone where the rest of the Death Eaters were. There were still quite a few kinks they were trying to get out, and so far the dummies they had enchanted to act like real wizards had all exploded from the initial impact. But if they could get this to work, it could be a major step toward stopping Voldemort.

They had a few short minutes before they had to get back to work. James looked pale and concerned about something. He and Sirius were both exhausted and overworked, but it looked like something more in James.

"What's wrong?" Sirius asked biting into a turkey sandwich Remus had made him.

"Lily's pregnant," James said.

"What?" Sirius asked his mouth full. "I thought she had the birth control charm in her."

"She did. I guess it didn't work. I tried to talk to her about taking a fetal expulsion potion, but she wouldn't. She said the fates want us to have a baby otherwise she wouldn't have gotten pregnant."

"What does that mean?" Sirius said. He thought it wasn't such a bad idea, but he could tell James did.

"It means that for the next seven months she has Potter blood in her and that makes her a target." James looked down at his container of soup. He didn't feel like eating.

"Well, we'll just have to keep her safe until then. Lily is a lot stronger then you give her credit for." Sirius smiled, "Plus think about it, soon you'll have a little thing who's a mixture of you and Lily. What an amazing person it will be."

James forced a little smile, "I know. That's what keeps popping into my head." He stopped and looked at the floor. "I can't live without Lily. What if they get her?"

"They won't. Stop thinking like that. We'll never get the better of Voldemort if you don't keep your hope strong."

A small pudgy man interrupted them. "Sorry to interrupt, but we need you back again," Mr. Fletcher looked tired and overworked as well.

Sirius looked down at his sandwich that had only two bites taken out of it. He took another big bite, stood up and walked toward Dumbledore, James not far behind him.

Lily squatted over the toilet and retched. Outside the bathroom Remus stood concerned. "Is there anything I can do?" He asked.

"No, thanks, it just comes with the pregnancy," she said back, the retched again. 

Remus turned to the living room of his flat and looked at the Christmas tree. It was still lopsided, even after magic was used to straighten it. Glancing back at the bathroom door he decided there was nothing he could do for Lily and went to the kitchen where a turkey sat in the oven roasting. James and Sirius were due home from work anytime. 

A loud crackle got his attention as Peter stumbled out of the fireplace. He wiped Floo powder off him. Remus walked to the living room to greet him. "When are you going to get your Apparation license?" Remus asked.

"I don't need one. Everywhere I need to go I can Floo to," he sniffed the air. "Oh, smells good. When do we eat?" 

"Soon as Sirius gets here," Remus pulled out his wand and summoned his broom to sweep the ash off the floor. 

Lily stumbled out of the bathroom wiping her mouth. She looked happily startled to see Peter. "Hello, Peter. Happy Christmas." Lily embraced him.

"Happy Christmas," he said distantly.

"Well, James will probably want to tell you, but since he's not here. We have news," Lily smiled. "James and I are having a baby," she glowed.

"Really?" Peter seemed interested in this news. "I thought you weren't having children until after…" he stopped.

"Well, I guess the fates had something else in mind. But we're excited. At least I am, James is working on it." Lily laughed and winked at Remus. That's an understatement, he thought. James rarely let Lily be alone. If he couldn't be with her Remus was to keep an eye on her. If Remus couldn't then someone else had to constantly be with Lily. She took it like a trooper, but it didn't seem necessary. 

"Hello wife," James called as he and Sirius Apparated into the room. He kissed her cheek.

Sirius looked exhausted, Remus thought. He didn't say anything and walked to the couch. He collapsed on it. "You alright?" Remus asked.

"Just tired. They said tomorrow we wouldn't have to go in. But I don't know." He sighed then saw Peter in the room.

"Wortail? It seems like you've been avoiding us." Sirius said in an only half joking tone.

"Work," he said noncommittally.

"Ah, well, we were beginning to think you didn't like us anymore." Sirius laughed.

A bell sounded in the kitchen and Remus hurried off to get the turkey out of the oven. Then moments later the table was set and the group sat down to a Christmas feast.

After the food had been devoured and Peter had to go back to his mothers for more turkey James and Lily sat Sirius and Remus down.

"We've thought a lot about this," James said, looking at Sirius. "You are like my brother," he said. "I think sometimes we think the same things. That's why we've decided to make you and Remus godparents to the baby."

Sirius smiled, "Really?"

"Wait, you have to understand what that means," James said seriously. "If anything happens to me and Lily you need to take care of the baby. There is a real possibility that…" he stopped and looked at Lily. He whispered, "we may not make it out of this war."

"Don't talk like that," Lily said firmly.

"It's true," James said to Lily. "Anyway," he continued, "Don't take on this responsibility if you aren't prepared to take the baby."

Sirius looked at Remus. Remus looked concerned. Why were they choosing both of them? Of course they didn't see the strain on Sirius and Remus' relationship. They couldn't both take on this responsibility, and he could tell from the look in Sirius' eye that he was thinking the same thing.

"I don't think it would be the wisest idea to include me in that," Remus said, sadly. In fact he would love to be near a child constantly. 

"Moony?" James looked blankly at him. 

"I'm a werewolf. What if something was to happen to Sirius? I can't raise a baby. I don't think it would be a good idea." 

Lily, it seemed, was catching on to the tension between Sirius and Remus. "He has a point," she said.

James looked confused. He had hoped everyone would think this was a great idea. "Padfoot?" he asked.

"I would love to be the baby's godfather," Sirius replied with a sideways glance at Remus.

"Good," James smiled. "We'll get the papers drawn up with the Ministry as soon as the baby's born then."

Remus stared at his hands. He had hoped Sirius would make some sort of comment or make any kind of reference to what he'd said. But Remus felt he'd treated the situation as if he hadn't heard anything he'd said.

"Can everyone hear me?" James spoke into the magical device they each had placed in their lips. 

"Yes," they heard Remus say. He was at the other end of a giant mountain. They were going after three Death Eaters with the hopes of getting to Voldemort. They had figured out a way to weaken the spell Voldemort had in him, making him immortal, but they needed Voldemort's flesh and blood for it. It was tricky and everyone involved was scared, but it had to be done.

"Loud and clear," Arabella Figg said. She stood in the center of a cliff. She was going to be their lookout. Arabella was a few years older then Professor McGonagall. They went to Hogwarts together. She was one of the cleverest witches of her class.

"I hear ya," Sirius smiled, standing two feet away from James. They were positioned at the mouth of a cave where the Death Eaters were last rumored to be.

"I can hear you," Lily said taping her bulging belly with the hand that wasn't holding her wand. James was not impressed when Lily insisted on coming on this mission with them, but after much argument he realized he wasn't going to talk her out of it.

"Remus, you have you eye on Lily, right?" 

"Yes, James," Remus said rolling his eyes at Lily who was standing next to him. She laughed.

"Peter? Can you hear me?" James asked.

"Um, yeah, I'm here. Sorry," Peter sounded unsure he wanted to be in this situation. He stood by himself at the top of the mountain; an owl had just fluttered out of his hand. On the owls leg was a note. It appeared nobody else noticed this owl leaving Peter's hand.

"Alright, keep everyone updated. If you get into trouble holler and either Sirius or I will come," James spoke to everyone, but meant specifically Peter who seemed least interested of anyone else. "Good luck," James said. He looked concerned and gazed up at Sirius.

"I wish Lily wasn't here," he said to Sirius after covering up his speaking device with his hand, so Lily wouldn't hear.

"She's safe with Remus. You know that. And they are far enough out of harms way. Don't worry. You ready?" Sirius held up his wand and got ready to enter the cave.

"Let's do this," James said, copying Sirius. James pulled his invisibility cloak from his rucksack and threw it over him and Sirius. They entered the cave trying their hardest not to make noises with their feet. "Lumos," Sirius whispered. A ray of light shot out of his wand and from outside the cloak looked like it was coming from mid air. Sirius knew this would be a giveaway to their whereabouts, but they had to be able to see. He shined his light down the open wet cave. They saw nothing. It was silent. They walked a little farther until Sirius' light hit the end of the cave. They could tell that someone was there, probably very recently, but they weren't there now. Just as Sirius was about to say something to James a voice fell into their ears.

"James," the frantic voice of Arabella Figg shouted, "They are heading toward the back of the mountain." She took a deep breath. "I can't see Lily or Remus." 

James ran as fast as he could out of the cave, leaving the cloak only covering Sirius. Sirius pulled the cloak off and ran behind him. "I knew she shouldn't have come. Dammit!" James shouted. 

"Arabella, are they still in your view?" Sirius asked.

"I'm moving across the path now, but I can't see them. Do you think they could have Dissapparated?"

"Not with Lily and Remus," Sirius said, stumbling as he ran.

"Peter?" Sirius yelled. "We need you to head them off." There was nothing but quiet for a moment. "Peter are you there?"

"Yeah. I'm here. I can't see anyone," Peter said.

Only moments later James was at the spot where Lily and Remus were standing earlier. James looked helpless like his brain had forgotten how to work. He just stood and stared at the spot. "Nobody knows where they went?" He yelled.

"James," Sirius put his hand on James' shoulder. 

"I told her not to come," James said. He turned away from Sirius and began to sob. Sirius felt odd, it wasn't like James to lose his cool. He was the one who always kept his head. 

Only moments later Arabella was at their side, followed by Peter. Arabella and Sirius searched the area looking for any kind of sign of anyone. There was nothing.

Lily looked panic-stricken at Remus. "Now what?" she mouthed to him. They were each bound to a masked Death Eater. There were three in all. Lily's arms were bound behind her back with invisible ropes and Remus' had a curse put on him that made only his legs mobile, everything else was petrified. They walked along a hidden path only feet from where they were taken. But this path seemed to only be visible to the people who knew it were there. Genius, really, thought Remus. This way nobody could find them. Lily's pace slowed and she began to bend over as she walked. The Death Eater she was bound to stopped. "I think she's going to be sick," he said. Lily leaned farther down and vomited on the ground. She was over six months pregnant by now, she thought, why was she getting sick? This part of the pregnancy had ended months ago. The sickness wouldn't stop. For minutes the group stood and watched as Lily retched and heaved on the ground. 

"Do something," The masked man who was bound to Remus shouted.

"It'll pass," another masked voice said. It took Remus by surprise. It was a female voice.

As Lily seemed to be vomiting everything she'd ever eaten in her life the female Death Eater, who had nobody attached to her, put a leglocker curse on Remus and took the Death Eater attached to him farther down the path. "The stench is unbearable. We'll be back in a few minutes." They left the group. It seemed Lily had finished and she stood up, gasping for air. It was now that Remus, unable to move any part of his body, noticed the way the Death Eater she was bound to was looking at her. Even though he could only see his eyes there was something in them. Something familiar. And they were looking at Lily with a sort of sympathy. He leaned into Lily.

"Curse me," he whispered so low Remus couldn't hear.

Lily looked up and recognized the eyes. "Severus," she whispered.

"Curse me then get out of here. Hurry they'll be back soon," he whispered again, taking an extra moment to linger in her smell. 

Severus unbound her and Lily grabbed her wand. Remus looked on confused. "_Petrificus Totalus," _She said forcefully.

Severus fell to the ground and Lily turned to Remus, pointed her wand and said, "_Relashio"_. Remus was able to move. "Thank you," Lily said to the petrified Severus who lay on the ground.

"Who is that?" Remus asked.

"We need to hurry," Lily said, ignoring his question and running back down the path. "They will be back in a second."

Remus didn't need telling twice. He sped behind her and ran as fast as he could.

"Come over here," Peter said to James, motioning toward a rock. "Sit down."

"I'm not going to sit," James said. "I've got to find Lily." 

"Sirius and Arabella are doing that. Sirius wants you to sit and rest," Peter pulled James toward the rock. It was then that James noticed the rock seemed to lead to an unseen path. 

"Peter, look," he said pointing to the path. "I think that goes somewhere, we should check it out."

Peter got a mischievous grin on his face. "Alright. I'll follow you," he said. James started toward the path when he saw two figures running out of it.

"Lily!" He shouted as she reached him and fell into his arms. 

"We have to get out of here. They'll be coming back," she said pulling away from James and starting to walk again. James followed closely behind her. 

Remus glanced at Peter. They had found the pathway. Remus had assumed someone who knew it was there could only find the pathway. Maybe he was wrong, he thought.

Sirius and Arabella hurried to the rest of the group at the sound of the commotion and ran to keep up with James and Lily. Once all six of them were together they ran out of the area, towards Hogsmeade where they knew they'd be safe.

"How did you escape," Sirius asked breathlessly to Lily.

"The baby's on our side," she smiled, holding her belly.

The next few months were spent in hiding. James and Lily went on a holiday to an undisclosed location. Only Dumbledore knew where they were. Hogwarts had let out for the summer so the remaining Potters were brought back there, though there hadn't been any attacks since the one on Lily and Remus. 

Even Sirius seemed a little nervous. He couldn't figure out why they would take Remus if they hadn't wanted Sirius to come after him. 

"I told you, they thought I would be better bait for James," Remus said. He didn't really know, but that seemed to calm Sirius down slightly. Sirius was obsessed and thought of nothing else.

When James and Lily returned from their holiday in the middle of July Lily was already expected to deliver. They arrived at Hogwarts to greetings of excitement from James' parents and sister who were anxious to welcome the newest Potter. Lily looked miserable. Her stomach had grown so big in the past month that she couldn't do almost anything. She had been given early maternity leave from work due to the fact that she kept knocking things down in Dumbledore's office with her oversized belly. 

The east wing on the fifth floor was filled with laughter and joy, something that had been foreign to the Potter and Black family for years. A classroom had been transformed into a make shift kitchen, as it seemed silly to make the house elves work harder then normal during their summer. Mrs. Potter was more then happy to cook for her family. Sirius and his mother were expected as well as Remus and Peter. It would be a great celebration for James and Lily's anniversary.

"Three years," Sirius said, falling out of the fireplace. "Can't believe you made it this long." He laughed and kissed Lily's cheek.

"Where's Remus?" James asked.

"Full moon," Sirius replied. He walked to Mrs. Potter. "This smells wonderful", he said.

"Should we put some in a Spell-tight container for Remus?" She asked cheerfully.

"If there's left-overs," Sirius said. "My mum should be here any minute, she Flooed me right before I left and said she was running late. Big surprise," he said.

"You don't have to stay very long if you want to spend time with Remus," James said pulling Sirius aside.

"It's okay. He's a big boy, Prongs, he can take care of himself." Sirius looked at him condescendingly. 

James was about to retort with some remark when a whirl of green flames shot out of the fire and Peter stood before them.

"About time," Sirius said striding toward him.

"I'm not late am I?" Peter asked.

"He's just giving you trouble," James said helping him out of the fireplace.

The three men walked to a corner and started a casual conversation. Lily was talking to Melly Potter who had just turned 12 and was getting ready to start her second year at Hogwarts. 

Only moments later two more figures popped out of the fireplace, one right after the other. Sirius' mother and older sister, Tara, were there. Mrs. Black joined in to help Mrs. Potter and Tara engaged in conversation with Lily.

"How are you feeling?" She asked Lily.

"Like he's never going to come out," Lily sighed.

"Well, it's a lot easier to take care of them on the inside then when they come out," She said smiling. She should know. She had three of her own.

"Where's Dad," James asked, sitting down at the table with Sirius and Peter.

"He's with Dumbledore. They should be here any minute. They're talking. Top secret stuff," Mrs. Potter said in a sort of annoyed tone. "Like the Potter women can't be bothered with top secret information."

"Yes, what is it with that?" Lily said to James. "Do you think we are helpless?" She gave a small laugh and felt something move in her tummy. It made her smile more. 

The door opened and Dumbledore and Mr. Potter joined the rest of the group around the table. It was a wonderful feast with roast pork and potatoes. The house elves couldn't have done better. When everyone was finished they adjourned to the sitting room that had been used at Hogwarts as a large storage space. Now it was furnished with a couch and chairs.

Lily sat next to James and was so quiet nobody noticed her breathing getting deeper. Nobody noticed her hand clutch her belly. She reached for James and he looked over at her. "Are you alright?" He asked.

"I think the baby's on his way," she said.

After moments of careful consideration, it was illegal to Apparate or use Floo powder after 7 months of pregnancy, Lily was transferred to the hospital wing, and the medi-wizard was brought to Hogwarts. All this careful rushing seemed pointless; however, when 20 hours later Lily was still pregnant.

"He's never going to come out," Lily shouted through a particularly painful contraction. The potion they gave to ease the pain had worn off hours ago and they were wary to give her more for fear of harming the baby.

Remus had been notified and joined the group after he'd had enough sleep that day. He still looked tired though. "I brought this for the baby's memoir," he said to James. He was holding up that day's issue of the _Daily Prophet_, dated July 30. "I'm not sure it's going to be for the right day now," Remus looked at Lily who was squirming in pain.

Mrs. Potter and Mrs. Black, who had never left, paced back and forth like expectant fathers. "Is it natural for her to be in labor this long?" Mrs. Black asked.

"Maybe it's a Muggle thing," Mrs. Potter responded.

"It can't be much longer can it?" James asked the Medi-wizard.

"She's only dilated four centimeters in the past 24 hours. First babies take time. We could be here a while," the doctor. Lily looked furious.

Moments later, Lily's parents arrived with Dumbledore and Mr. Potter. They were the first Muggles to be at Hogwarts in a century. The Evans' seemed overwhelmed by all the magic in the room. There were water basins floating in mid air, helping the Medi-wizard keep everything sterile. There were a couple of house elves hustling around bringing blankets and ice chips. And there were suddenly familiar faces swarming around them. "Isn't this exciting?" Mrs. Potter said to Mrs. Evans.

"Yes it is." Mrs. Evans smiled, still a little overwhelmed by her environment.

"Your first grandchild?" Mrs. Potter asked again.

"No, my second. I have another grandson, who was born just a few months ago," Mrs. Evans smiled, seemingly more comfortable as a chair magically appeared under her. 

"Oh, I wasn't aware Lily had any siblings," Mrs. Potter said. 

"Yes, a sister." The smile faded from Mrs. Evan's face. She didn't really want to explain to everyone how her daughter Petunia felt about witches and wizards.

Luckily James strode over at that very moment. "Mother Evans," he said smiling. 

Mrs. Potter tutted as she smelled liquor on his breath. "James, you are about to be a father. Have you been drinking?" She glanced over at Sirius, Remus and Peter who were snickering; they too appeared to have drunk a bit.

"Just a little, Mum. We have to find some way to pass the time. Sirius summoned it." 

"I can't believe you," came a reprimand from Lily, who seemed to be forgotten in all the excitement. "Your son is about to be brought into the world. And you," she shot to Sirius, "encouraging him." She wanted to continue, but got interrupted by a rather large contraction. 

"Come on Lil," Sirius retorted after the pain seemed to pass, "We've been here for a whole day. We needed something to pass our time. It's a celebration. Another Potter," Sirius smiled.

"I'll drink to that," Peter said. They got three glasses and drank deeply from them again, amidst disapproving glances from nearly everyone else in the room.

By 10:00 that night, the room was so filled with people you would hardly notice that a woman was giving birth. Out of sympathy that Lily still hadn't had the baby, the Medi-wizard gave her a numbing potion that made the pain go away, but now she couldn't feel anything.

Sirius, Remus and Peter, now effectively drunk were playing poker with Mr. Potter and Mr. Evans who seemed to be taking advantage of their state and winning every hand. Mrs. Black, Mrs. Potter and Mrs. Evans were engaging in labor stories. 

"Really, you mean they had to take the baby by cutting your stomach open," Mrs. Black asked, fascinated by the story of Mrs. Evans cesarean section. In the wizarding world, if the baby were upside-down, as Mrs. Evan's older daughter was, they just used a charm and flipped the baby over in the mother's stomach. 

"Then what happened," Mrs. Potter asked, sipping her tea. They listened intently.

James was sitting beside Lily, stroking her hair and talking casually. "Like one big party isn't it?" James said motioning toward all the people in the room. 

"Yes. Well, we're about to bring another great wizard into the world, we should be having a party," Lily said, groggily. She hadn't slept at all.

"A great wizard? We don't know that for sure," James smiled kissing her forehead.

"He'd better be great. After all this trouble he's giving me and he isn't even born yet."

"He'll be worth it," James said. He looked at his younger sister who had managed to fall asleep in all the excitement. It looked to James like Remus wasn't too far behind. He couldn't keep his head up.

Lily patted her large belly, "I wish he'd hurry. I can't wait to see him." 

James stared at his wife as she caressed their unborn child. He never loved anyone more at that moment then he loved her. He could never imagine loving anyone else. Even in a room filled with excited people, James felt it was just he and Lily.

Three hours later, the Blacks had finally gone home. Sirius and Remus leaned into each other, asleep in the hallway. Peter had left after drinking so much they were afraid he'd Floo to the wrong location. Mr. and Mrs. Potter and Mr. and Mrs. Evans lay half awake in the hallway in cots conjured by Dumbledore, who had given up on thinking the baby would ever be born, and returned to his quarters. The only noise that filled the castle was a cry from a baby. It was small at first, making the sleeping people think it was just a dream, then got louder as footsteps thundered and the doors to the hospital wing flew open. 

"He's here," James said. A mix between exasperation and fatigue on his face.

Lily sat on her bed, tears in her eyes as she looked at her tiny black haired bundle. "It's about time you come," she kissed his forehead. "Harry Potter."


	7. Accusations

This chapter is the start of the really depressing stuff, but don't worry, it'll all work out in the end so don't threaten me with the Cruciatus curse. It's also the start of some pretty long chapters. 

Also thanks for the reviews…keep them up. They make me happy and a happy writer is a good writer.

And Thanks to Emily who got this chapter done really fast to make up for the long time it took for the last one.

And as a bit of a side note, it was Emily's idea to make a bloody Mary bloody Morgana. So that's what that means. J 

****

Chapter 7

Accusations

Little Harry seemed to be growing and learning more everyday. And as often as possible, Sirius was there to help him along in his process. Lily only went to help Dumbledore one day a week and took Harry along with her. Remus was working more now to cover for Lily, which he enjoyed. 

James and Sirius were experimenting with a spell. It was called the _No ægrotus _

Spell. Arabella Figg had the idea for it. Mundungus Fletcher, a wiz at arithmancy, helped plot it out. And now Sirius and James were trying to find out how exactly to cast it. They put a healing spell on rats, then performed their experimental _No ægrotus_. The healing spell would keep the rats safe in case _No ægrotus _didn't work or had some bad side effects it wouldn't hurt the rats. The first time they performed the spell one rat turned bright orange and ran backwards. James reversed it, much to the dismay of Sirius. "It would be a great prank to play on some Muggles," he said. "Let that loose in their home and see what would happen." 

On September 1st the few remaining Potters were moved once again. Lily and James joined them, feeling that since had added Harry to the Potter clan they had to be more careful. They moved out of their flat in London and set themselves up in a two-room hut off the coast of Kingston. The rest of his family was just a few feet away in similar huts. It was cold there this time of year, and Harry seemed to sense the tension and fussed quite a bit. 

Daily, James and his father would walk half a mile to a hillside and touch a Portkey that would bring them just outside the grounds of Hogwarts. There they met Sirius, Mundungus and Dumbledore to work on their defense. Though they were still blowing up dummies, they felt that maybe the combination of the explosive and the sow brains were causing adverse effects. Now they wanted to see what would happen if they substituted the sow brain with monkey brain. 

Remus had felt he stumbled on something, but wasn't quite sure if it would work, or if it even was useable on humans. He propped a giant book open in front of Arabella. 

"Here," Remus said pointing to a paragraph in an ancient book in the Hogsmead library. The book hadn't been checked out since 1437 according to the date in the back. 

Arabella read aloud, "_Fidelius Charm_. A charm used to hide objects from anyone except the person known as the Secret Keeper. The object could be sitting in front of you and you would not be able to see it. The Secret Keeper holds the secret within him and cannot divulge the object that has been hidden unless he or she chooses to. It is mostly used to hide toys or gifts but has been used to hide larger objects like trees. It is unusable on live animals, and is so difficult that it hasn't been used on anything since 1280." Arabella looked up at Remus. "This won't help us, it can't be used on people." 

"But what if we alter it. What if we change it so that it would be safe for people? Safe for the Potters?" Remus had a gleam in his eye. If this hadn't been used in over 700 years, he reasoned, it would take ages for Voldemort to figure out that was what was protecting the Potters.

"Remus, this spell looks incredibly difficult. I've never seen anything like it. It will take months to dissect these ingredients and figure out what can be substituted for what. I don't think half these ingredients are even still legal."

"Can you think of a better solution?" Remus asked, grasping for anything.

"No. I'll see what I can do with this, and you give a copy to Lily. Maybe if the three of us work on it together we can come up with something."

~@~

The Hog's Head was dark and lightning flashed from the storm outside. In the back at a small round table Sirius pounded down another dirty martini. 

"You shouldn't drink alone," a friendly voice said. Peter sat down across from Sirius.

"Hey Wormtail," Sirius said groggily.

"Are you alright?" Peter asked, motioning the waitress over for a drink himself.

"Just stressed. I wish this whole thing with Voldemort was over," he looked into his empty glass and ordered another drink as the waitress brought a Bloody Morgana to Peter. 

"It'll be over soon," Peter said stirring the celery stalk in his red drink. "There has to be a weakness in Voldemort he doesn't know about. The Death Eaters tried to kill James and couldn't. So obviously there's something he's not getting." Peter sipped his drink.

"That's just from the spell," Sirius said as he gulped his fifth dirty martini that night. 

"Spell?" Peter asked; trying not to sound too interested. 

"_Portus Salus," _Sirius said slurring his words. "Remus found it." He blinked his eyes hard. 

"What is this spell?" Peter tried to imagine all the glory Voldemort would give him when he relayed this information.

"It protects him." Sirius rubbed his forehead. "I can't think what it does now," he said putting his head down on the table. Peter grinned. 

The next thing Sirius knew he was waking up in his bed with Remus bringing him some coffee. He didn't remember any of the conversation he had with Peter the night before.

~*~

It was the first day off for both Remus and Sirius in three months, and they had planned to spend it together, trying to rekindle a dying flame. Remus let Sirius sleep in. He tapped the coffeepot with his wand. It whistled then poured itself into a small china cup. Remus sipped the black coffee and looked at the world outside. It was already three nights since the full moon, yet Remus was still feeling the effects from it. Remus transformed in a shed in the back yard with a locking spell and a silencing spell on it. When Remus was transforming alone, which was almost always now that Sirius was working constantly, he would emerge the next day with broken skin and usually in a great deal of pain. Sirius looked in the shed in the mornings before he left for work. The walls on the inside would be so scratched up a repairing charm had to be used. 

Remus had read in the Wizards Medi Journal that there was an experimental potion called Wolfsbane that would make transforming werewolves nearly harmless and would relieve most of the pain associated with transforming. Remus wanted to try it. He would be more then happy to let them experiment with him.

He sat at the table and wrote on a piece of parchment. "I have been a werewolf since I was a small child. I would be interested in your experiment. Please consider me. You can contact me by return owl. Thank you." He signed the letter and tied it to the leg of his barn owl, then let the owl go. 

"What was that?" Sirius asked standing in the doorway.

"Just a note to someone," Remus said. He didn't want to tell Sirius about this just yet. He knew it could be risky and that Sirius would try to dissuade him. Remus was determined to try it. Since he no longer had his friends to transform with, he dreaded the full moon more now then he ever had before. 

Sirius looked at him suspiciously. "A note to who?" 

Remus changed the subject, "How is work going?" He asked.

"Fine," Sirius said, still eyeing him. He sat down at the table and looked at the Daily Prophet. "I'm going to be late again tonight," he said, summoning a cup of coffee to him. "I'll get dinner somewhere, don't worry."

"I thought you had the day off," Remus said, disappointed.

"I did, but then last night I got called in to cover for James." After a small sip he stood up and disappeared, leaving Remus feeling abandoned.

A pale man with a long face sat in a tall chair. His nose was snakelike and his long thin fingers tapped the arm of the chair morbidly. "Wormtail," he hissed.

Peter stood in front of Voldemort, shaking. "M-my Lord," he said in a whimper. "The_ P-p-portus S-salus _spell is what is helping James Potter, sir." He tried not to look into his red eyes.

"Very good. That charm is an easy one to break and will work to our advantage, since he won't know it's been broken. Lestrange here will teach you how to do it," Voldemort pointed to the smiling woman who stood in the corner. 

"M-m-me, sir?" Peter asked.

"Well, who else would it be? They trust you. Potter will let you near him; he will let you touch him. He won't even know what you're doing. You aren't thinking you made a mistake by helping me are you, Wormtail?" he asked in a raspy voice.

"N-n-no sir," Peter said while trying to control his shaking.

"We came after you all those years ago for a reason, Wormtail," Voldemort said, in a slightly gentler voice as to pursuade Peter. "We knew you would be the best person to help us. You would get us closer to Potter. We need you." Voldemort shaped his mouth into an evil grin and his eyes narrowed

.

Peter remembered the night a beautiful young woman cornered him on his street. He was 18. It was only two weeks after he'd finished at Hogwarts. The woman was the loveliest he'd ever seen. She had blonde flowing hair and lips as red as a cherry. Her voice sounded like a song to Peter.

_"Come with me,"_ she said smiling. She took him to an abandoned park. Her sweet scent still resonated in Peter's senses. She leaned in and caressed his hair. _ "I want to know all about you," _she said in a whisper in his ear. Peter had never had such a beautiful woman so interested in him. Her lips pressed against his cheek as he told her nervously about his boring life. "_Fascinating,"_ she said, moving her lips to his. "_Can I take you somewhere we can be alone?"_ She asked in between kissing his lips and moving to his ear. Of course Peter told her yes. 

He didn't know where they were since the girl said it would turn her on more if she could blindfold him. She busied one hand below his waist as her other hand tied a cloth over his eyes. _ "It'll be more sensual this way," _she said in a quiet tone. She took his hand and led him inside before removing the blindfold and leaving his side. They were in a dark cavelike place. When Peter opened his eyes he saw the one person he'd always feared meeting—Lord Voldemort. The beautiful woman walked to his side and transformed into a long slithering snake. Peter's legs went weak. He couldn't move. Voldemort promised he wouldn't hurt him as long as he helped. "_We need you_," he said, in the same tone he did this night. "_They put you down cause you are such a great wizard. They can see it, they just don't want you to,"_ Voldemort said in a voice quite dissimilar to the one he used regularly. This voice was gentle and persuasive. Voldemort promised Peter he would be one of the best know wizards and would be at his side when Voldemort reached ultimate power. The things he told Peter seemed to make sense to him. Peter seemed to understand why James had to die and was beginning to think it may be for the best.

_ "They are holding us both back," _Voldemort said to him. _"Once we are both free to practice as we wish, we will be the greatest wizards in the world. But I can't do it without you." _Voldemort smiled as Peter nodded in agreement. Then was told that he mustn't tell anyone what he'd seen tonight. And most of the other Death Eaters would never be known to him, just as he would never be known to them. Voldemort told him he wanted to call him Wormtail, a nickname James had given him, as a reminder of the one they are out to destroy. It all made sense to Peter. Once he had agreed, Voldemort burned a scar in his forearm that would make Peter's whereabouts known to Voldemort whenever he needed him. He would simply press a piece of flesh in his own forearm and it would alert Voldemort to where all his followers were. When he was finally done, hours later, the snake slithered to Peter and transformed back into the blonde woman. She blindfolded him again and walked him out of the cave. Peter woke up alone on the street he'd met the woman, thinking it could have all just been a dream. It wasn't.

~@~

James and Peter had arrived by Floo powder to the Leaky Cauldron. It was busy and nobody seemed to notice the two of them get a booth in the back except of course for the witch who was serving them. "What did you want to talk about?" James asked, handing her the menu. 

"I haven't been able to talk to you alone recently. I'm wondering how things are going," Peter asked trying to sound nonchalant.

"Fine. They're working us like mad, but other then that it's going well. We seem to be making progress against Voldemort," James sipped his ginger ale.

Peter flinched at the sound of Voldemort's name. He fidgeted with something in his robes. "Well, that's good then," Peter said. The small talk continued for several more minutes. Peter had to find a way to distract James. He was saved when a loud crash sounded from the back of the pub. James turned to look. Peter quickly pulled a clear potion out of his robes and poured some in James' drink. Not sure how much he was supposed to put in he poured as much as he could until James started to turn around. James didn't seem to think anything was amiss when Peter quickly pulled his hand away from the table. 

James asked reaching for his drink. "Wonder what that odd noise was?"

Peter shrugged and kept his eyes closely on James. James put the glass to his lips and took a drink. Peter mumbled quietly, "_abrumpere_."

"What?" James asked.

"I didn't say anything," Peter said nervously.

James looked at him disbelivingly then shuddered. "Whew, did you feel that draft?" He asked taking another sip of his drink.

Peter knew the potion had worked. He was told James would feel a shudder. James didn't seem to think anything of it. James was now free of the _Portus Salus_ charm, and all Voldemort had to do was capture him.

~@~

However pleased with himself Peter was, months later Voldemort was still unable to capture the Potters due to the protection that continued to surround them. Dumbledore seemed to always be aware of their whereabouts. Voldemort knew he had to hurry, in one months time the Potters would once again be spending the summer at Hogwarts, and several of his spies had told him they were getting very close to finding something to bring Voldemort down. It was crucial to act now.

Remus sat alone, yet again, at dinner. He looked down at his tuna casserole and shuddered. It was terrible. Remus had lost his touch in the kitchen. He also was not feeling well. The full moon was three nights away, but he could already feel the effects. He banished his plate to the sink, where it washed it and put itself in the cupboard. Remus looked down at the piece of parchment he was studying.

__

Dear Mr. Lupin,

We would be pleased to have you enter in our experimental study of Wolfsbane potion. Please meet the study group at the location below one night before the full moon. You will be required to stay for three days during which we will monitor your transformation and recovery. If you cannot make it please notify us by owl in no less then five days. We will be holding your place. 

Sincerely,

Joseph Jergens, Medi-wizard

He had taken the Wolfsbane potion like he was instructed last week. Everyday at 9 in the morning he Apparated to a laboratory and was given a thick smoky potion to drink. It was foul and bitter. He gagged it down, then returned home, never letting Sirius know what he was up to. Now he had to come up with something to tell Sirius about why he would be gone for three full days. Perhaps he could say he was with his parents. That seemed like the best response. Yes, that's what he would say. Remus sighed. If this potion worked it would make his life much easier. He only hoped it would.

~@~

Harry gurgled at a beaming Lily, as she dipped a spoon in a green mashed food. They were sitting in the Leaky Cauldron waiting to meet James for dinner.

"Lily," came a voice just feet from her. She looked up and jumped when she saw who it was. Her first instinct was to call for help. 

"Wait, please, hear me out." Severus could tell she was nervous. And rightfully so.

Lily shot a quick glance at Harry then looked up at Snape, not speaking. 

"I don't expect you to believe this," he said, sitting down amidst an uncomfortable look from Lily. "But I'm helping Dumbledore now. I'm going to lead him to Voldemort, and they will battle," He paused for a moment and closed his eyes. "And I will probably die." 

Lily's defensive wall started to edge down. She started to speak but he silenced her with his hand.

"I want you to know why I did this." He took a breath; it looked like this was going to be something very difficult for him to get out. "It was when we were fifteen. We had just started our fifth year at Hogwarts. I don't know how, but you started to suspect that I was getting into the Dark Arts. We were sitting on the grounds at Hogwarts, just by the lake, when you said something to me that always stuck with me. Do you remember?"

Lily looked regretfully and shook her head.

Severus sighed. "You told that you thought even the worst wizards in the world had good in them. You said you had to believe that even Voldemort had some shred of decency in him somewhere. That stuck with me. Even after he promised me all the power and everything I could ever want Voldemort never said that he thought I did good. I was his pawn. He was only using me. He was using me to hurt you. You. The one person who, I had to believe, still thought there was good in me."

"Severus," Lily said. He silenced her again with a glance. There was silence for a minute. 

"I should probably go," he said. "If James and Sirius and Remus knew I was here I wouldn't have to worry about Voldemort. They'd kill me." He forced a small smile. He stood up, not moving his eyes off Lily. Then glanced at the baby sitting in a high chair right next to her. He looked just like James. There was Potter in every inch of him, so he thought, until he met the baby's eyes. He stared into his eyes and he saw Lily staring back. They were her eyes. Every part of them. He had the look of James Potter, the person he would never allow himself to like. But he also had the look of Lily Evans, the first woman, the only woman, he ever loved. A strange sense of protection came to him. There was something special about this little boy, Severus thought—his mother. He turned and left the room.

~*~

There was a look of concern in Sirius' eyes as he sat with his family and the Potters in their secured house. His thoughts were with Remus. He'd left abruptly, leaving only a note for explanation. Sirius pulled the crumpled note out of his pocket and glanced at it. 

__

Sirius, 

Something came up; I had to go to my parent's house. Will be back in three days.

Love,

Remus

He couldn't help but wonder what he was up to. He glanced at his family trying to see if they were aware of his distant thoughts. They didn't seem to notice, however as the center of the show was a now one year old Harry trying his hardest to stand up. He would put his diaper-clad bottom in the air and try to balance himself on his feet before stumbling to the ground. When the whole room started laughing Harry took on a grin and did it again, getting the same results until Lily picked him up and carried him out of the room. "Time for bed now. Say goodnight," Lily said to him.

"Goodnight, Harry," the people in the room called, then they heard laughter again.

"What is this?" Mr. Potter picked up a stuffed fuzzy bunny off the floor.

"It's from Lily's parents. It's a stuffed animal," James said.

"What does it do?" Mr. Potter shook the toy expecting some kind of reaction out of it. Nothing happened.

"It doesn't do anything," James said.

"How peculiar," Mr. Potter replied. He pointed his wand at it and moments later the stuffed animal bound out of his hands and crossed the room where it sat in a corner chewing on a piece of the carpet.

James hardly had time to voice his objection to the change in his son's toy, when they heard a loud bang outside. The room fell silent and everyone stared at each other. They all reached for their wands and started for the door. Even young Melly Potter was closely behind her mother, wand drawn. "Lily, stay here. Keep Harry safe," James shouted and followed everyone outside. 

The scene that met the group was more terrifying then they could imagine. At least fifty Death Eaters met their group. As each person stepped out of the house, a curse was put on them making him or her completely immobile. James stepped out last. Just as the curse was uttered, he jumped out of the way and knocked over Sirius, who was cursed from the neck down. He stood up, realizing that with the _Portus Salus Charm _in him he was the only one that could help. He raised his wand just as someone shouted, "_Crutacius"_, and pointed their wand at him. James was hit with the worst pain he'd ever felt in his life. He screamed and fell to the ground, reeling from unbearable pain.

The next scene was mayhem. _The Killing Curse_ was shouted at least four times and bodies were laying everywhere. James had to get them away from there. He had to keep them away from Lily and Harry. He grabbed Sirius' arm and pulled him along, crawling on the ground to avoid the sparks flying at eye level. Sirius was stunned, but seemed to know what James was doing as he shouted, "Uncurse me, Prongs. I can't get my wand." But James didn't had time to stop, he kept dragging Sirius along with him. His plan seemed to be working; four Death Eaters stepped away from the others and started closing in on James. "_Mortificus,"_ He shouted pointing his wand at one, not caring that killing someone he wasn't sure was acting on his own free will would get him into serious trouble with the ministry. He had to keep as many away from his family as possible. _"Mortificus," _He shouted again. Another one fell to the ground. 

"James, uncurse me," Sirius shouted lying helplessly on the ground. James still didn't respond, and kept dragging him farther.

What James didn't see was all the bodies lying on the ground, even his father, who tried to fight his hardest, was lying dead. He also couldn't see at least fifteen of them go inside the house, where Lily and Harry were. Lily heard the people coming inside and grabbed Harry. She had to get out, but she couldn't Disapparate with the baby, it was too dangerous. She thought as hard as she could, then ran to the cupboard in her room. She pulled a silvery cloak out of James trunk and threw it over herself and Harry, then ducked in the cupboard. She had to muffle Harry's coos and gurgles. "Shhh," she hissed in his ear. He seemed to understand the importance of being quiet because he stopped making noise and sat perfectly still in his mother's arms. She heard footsteps enter the bedroom.

"There's nobody here," a voice said. Lily shrunk farther back in the cupboard.

"The baby has to be somewhere," another voice said, walking to the other room in the house. 

"I tell you, he's not here," a more forceful voice said. "The place is empty."

To Lily's horror the cupboard door to where she was hiding shot opened and she held her breath, praying Harry didn't make a peep. She could see the masked person standing, wand drawn, looking into the small cupboard. "They aren't here," his voice shot back.

"Alright. Go back outside. Maybe they're out there." The one who seemed to be in charge walked out of the room, then, almost as an afterthought, said to the wizard behind him, "burn the house down."

"Yes sir," came a reply. Lily tried not to panic. She had to get out of the house with Harry, but she didn't know how to do it. She could wait until all the Death Eaters were out then go under the cloak, but by then there may be way too much fire to get past. It was her only choice; she had to do it. She waited, holding her son close to her. She heard a rumble outside. She didn't want to think what it was. She didn't want to imagine where James was. She wondered when she was going to smell the fire. When she would know it was okay to make a run for it. She leaned forward trying to hear anything. Any sound of fire. Any crackle of burning wood. She heard nothing. Then a booming voice that startled her so much she jumped shouted, _"abolere_ !"

The ground outside crackled, she heard more rumbling, and then the door to the house shot open and James screamed, "Lily!"

"James," Lily said, pulling the cloak off her and running out of the cupboard, Harry still tightly in her arms. She was greeted with such a firm embrace from James she couldn't remember the last time she felt so secure. Harry let out a sound telling them they were squeezing too hard. James looked down at his son and laughed, releasing his embrace around Lily a little. Lily looked up into his blue eyes and asked what she feared. "Are they dead?"

James looked defeated and nodded his head. Only a second later Dumbledore came through the door. Sirius was behind him, scrape marks all over his body from being dragged across the ground.

"Dumbledore?" Lily questioned.

"Yes, I was told of the attack here today, but only just seconds after it happened. My source didn't know in advance what they were doing. I'm terribly sorry I came too late."

Lily looked at Dumbledore. His "source"? Could he mean Severus? And what did he mean he came too late? "Too late?" Lily said fearfully.

"They're all gone. All of them. Melly and my parents. Everyone," James tried to hold in tears, but he was unsuccessful. 

Lily looked at the baby boy who was in her arms. He looked questionably up at his mother and his father who were still in an embrace. Lily now held all the Potters in the wizarding world in her arms.

~@~

Remus Apparated into the living room and knew immediately that something was wrong. Sirius was sitting in front of a stack of books looking profoundly distraught. Sirius lost his mother and several aunts uncles yesterday when the Death Eaters killed them. Plus he now had suspicions. There had to be someone close to James who was relaying information to Voldemort. There was no other way anyone could have known where they were. It made sense now. That's how they knew how to find the Potters at James and Lily's wedding. That's how they knew where Lily was when she was pregnant and they captured her. There had to be someone. And Sirius thought he knew whom. He glared at Remus.

"Where were you?" He asked suspiciously.

"What do you mean?" Remus asked, fearing the tone he used.

"I don't buy the shit about you being at your parents. If you really were there you would have owled. Where were you!?" He asked more forcibly.

Remus took a breath and threw the article he had in his cloak to Sirius. "They are testing a new potion. I didn't want you to worry so I didn't tell you."

Sirius glanced briefly at the article. "They're gone, Remus."

"What? Who?" Remus asked, stepping closer to Sirius.

"My family. James' family. We're all that's left." Sirius told him in a tone that suggested Remus already knew this.

"James and Harry?" Remus asked.

"They're alright. Miracoulsouy." Sirius narrowed his eyes at Remus. "Someone has been passing information to Voldemort. Someone close to them. How else would they know where the Potters were?"

"Oh God," Remus said. Not sure how to take what Sirius was saying.

"I don't feel safe anymore, with anyone," Sirius looked into the eyes of his lover, and they seemed to look back hurt and confused.

"You are safe with me. Always," Remus said putting his hand on Sirius' shoulder.

Sirius moved so it fell abruptly. He crossed the room breathing heavily.

"Sirius," Remus said in a calm soothing tone.

"There are too many secrets," he said.

Remus got a look of fury in his eyes. "Why don't you just say what you're thinking?"

"Is it you? Are you passing information to Voldemort?" Sirius asked in an accusing tone.

"How can you even think that?" Remus asked disgusted. "Think what you are accusing me of."

"You're not denying it," Sirius remarked through gritted teeth.

"I don't have to. I can't believe you would think I could do something like that?" Remus shouted.

Sirius stared madly into Remus' eyes. They had a look Remus had never seen in them before. He looked like he'd lost all reason. "I don't feel safe. Not with you. Not with anyone," he said, looking directly in Remus' eyes. "Except James. I think you should be gone when I come back." He turned to leave then shot back and said, "Stay away from them. If anything happens to James, I swear I'll kill you myself," His eyes narrowed. He was totally irrational. Sirius Disapparated. Remus knew where he was going. He knew he'd be better off with James at that moment then with anyone, even himself. Heart broken, he went to his room and started putting his things in a trunk.


	8. The Death of Lily and James

****

Okay, thanks for the great reviews. And thanks to Emily. Now, here is the next chapter.

CHAPTER 8

The death of Lily and James Potter

Remus studied the spell that he'd drawn out. Only a lantern lit his dark room at the Leaky Cauldron. He planned on returning home to his parents' house in Scotland, but had this one last thing to do first. He was meeting Arabella Figg tomorrow to perfect it, then he would be gone. The less he hung around the better.

"Leg from an Acromantula mixed with blood from an ashwinder," Remus said, trying to work the potion out in his mind. He found why the potion in the _Fidelus Charm _was lethal to animals; he just couldn't find anything to use as a substitute. At least not anything that was available in this day. He sighed. He hoped Arabella would have more luck. He looked at the creaky old bed in the corner and wondered what Sirius was doing. He heart ached. He hoped that once the mess with Voldemort was cleared up he would be welcomed back to Sirius' bed. But right now he was alone. His lover believed him to be a traitor. More then anything he wished he could forgive Sirius for that. He turned the wick on the lantern, and the light went out. Remus climbed into his bed and fell asleep.

~*~

Lily stood over a small boiling cauldron in the kitchen fireplace. She stirred the yellow potion as Harry goggled in a highchair that was singing to him. James took in the sight as he stood in the doorway. He was lucky to have such a family. It was moments like this he hoped with all his strength he'd get to see more of. They had to defeat Voldemort so days like this would go on forever. He leaned in and kissed Lily's cheek. "Good morning," he said.

Lily smiled. "Good morning."

"What are you brewing?" James pointed to the bubbling thick potion.

"I've been feeling a bit under the weather. I'm hoping this will make me feel better," Lily lied.

"Aren't health potions usually green?" James asked sniffing it.

"This one has a different ingredient. It's more geared toward women," she smiled knowing that would be the thing to make him stop asking questions.

"Oh," he said quickly and turned to Harry. Harry looked up at his dad and the high chair stopped singing. 

Harry laughed, "Da da."

James looked at Lily with his eyes wide. "He said Da da."

Lily laughed, "Yes. I think he's going to be quite fond of you."

James rubbed his hand across his little son's hair that was now coming in more fully and thick. "Well, I'm off to see Dumbledore." James smiled at Harry then walked to Lily and kissed her again. "I'll see you tonight," he said and Dissaparated.

Lily looked over at Harry, then back to her potion. She pulled out a spoon and smelled it. "Don't worry, Love. We'll keep you safe after all." She paused to take in her son. He looked at her with his green eyes. He looked just like James. Lily winked at him. She was doing what any mother would do, she thought. 

~*~

Arabella Figg was sitting at a circular table in the Leaky Cauldron. Remus placed a glass of ginger ale in front of her. "Well, it makes sense that it would be poisonous to animals. An ashwinder is lethal if not brewed properly. When this potion was last made they didn't have the means to brew it the way we do today."

Remus sat across from her. "Does that mean that if we brew it properly, it should work on James and Lily?"

"Yes, I think it does. Of course we'll have to test it first, just to be certain. Does Dumbledore have any more of those enchanted dummies?" Arabella sipped her ginger ale.

"I don't know. You'll have to find out," Remus said.

"Why don't you go? I have things I have to take care of in Diagon Alley," she started gathering up the papers.

Remus sighed and said quietly, "I think it would be better if you went to Dumbledore." 

Arabella stopped. She didn't ask why, but she could sense there was something amiss. Why else would Remus be staying at the Leaky Cauldron? "Alright. I'll have Henry ask about it." She looked at Remus who had a bit of relief on his face then gathered her belongings and left.

~*~

"Oh, these damn weeds. I wish I knew a spell to get rid of them." Lily sat on the ground in her yard; her hair pulled up and in dingy Muggle clothes. Harry sat in the grass next to her. He let out a big giggle. "What's so funny, Love?" Lily said smiling. Then she noticed Remus standing in front of Harry, waving at him. "Hello. Did you just get here?" Lily asked, standing and brushing herself off.

"Well, a minute ago. You looked so involved in your herbs I didn't want to disturb you. Is James here?" He asked as Lily squinted her eyes in the sun to look at him.

"No, not yet. He should be soon," she noticed he had two bags with him. "Are you going somewhere?" She asked.

"Yeah," he said awkwardly. "I'm going to stay at my parents house for a while." 

"Is everything alright?" Lily asked suspiciously.

"I just have to leave for a while." Remus looked at Harry who was now trying to climb up his leg to be held. 

"Come in for tea?" Lily asked, grabbing Harry and picking him up.

"I probably shouldn't." Remus looked at his watch. He didn't want to risk running into Sirius. Lily gave him a sideways smile. Harry reached out for Remus. He couldn't resist; he took Harry and smiled. "Okay, maybe a spot of tea."

Lily led him inside their small flat and walked to the teapot. She tapped it once and piping hot tea was steaming from it. She poured some in a teacup for Remus. "How long will you be gone?" Lily asked.

"Probably until the war is over," Remus said putting Harry down on the ground. He started toddling away. He was just mastering the art of walking, so after a few steps he stumbled and crawled the rest of the way.

"Does Dumbledore know you're leaving?" Lily blew in her tea.

"Yeah, he knows. I'm still planning on helping as much as I can, just from my parents house."

"Oh good, so we'll still get to see you?" Lily pointed her wand at the doorway Harry was heading toward and a light purple orb covered it. 

"I don't think so. I'm going to be working with intelligence. Mr. Figg is taking my place with Arabella and you. This way I can still help, just from a distance."

Lily reached for his hand. He had grown to be one of her best friends since their days at Hogwarts. "Do you want to tell me why you're really leaving?" She asked gently.

He took her hand and shook his head. "Sorry." He glanced at Harry who was poking at the purple orb guarding the door. The enchantment swirled when his finger touched it then went back to its regular consistency. He poked it one more time, then crawled to his toy dragon that lay on the floor. He picked it up and bubbles came out of its mouth. Harry giggled.

"Sometimes Sirius says hurtful things. At the time, it may seem like he means it, but it was just hasty. I know he loves you." Lily didn't take her eyes off Remus.

"He means it, Lil. When all this stuff with Voldemort is over maybe we can get back together, but right now it's best this way."

Lily sighed and almost said something when James appeared in the room.

"Hello," James said leaning in to kiss his wife. "Moony, you're here. Sirius just went home for a second to change then he's coming over." James happily picked up Harry.

"Sirius is coming here?" Remus stood up. "I had better go then. James, I'm staying at my parents' place. Feel free to owl anytime, but it's best I don't come around. At least not for a while."

James looked confused. "What's going on?"

"I just need some space. I need to clear my head. It's best this way. Don't worry." He reached out and hugged James who still had Harry in his arms. "I love you," he said, kissing James on the cheek. Then he moved to little Harry and kissed his forehead. Then hugged Lily.

"Don't stay away too long. I'm sure after time Sirius will…"

"Thank you for the tea," Remus said interrupting her. "It's probably best Sirius doesn't know I was here." He walked to the door, grabbed his bags, and walked out the door, hoping he didn't see Sirius on the way. 

"What is that all about?" James asked.

"Why don't you ask Sirius," Lily said in an agitated tone. "Remus wouldn't say. He's the best thing that ever happed to Sirius and there he goes."

"Why do you assume it's Sirius' fault," James asked defensively, putting Harry on the floor. 

"What's my fault?" Sirius asked just popping out of the fire and whipping ash off himself.

"Oh, nothing," Lily huffed, picking up Harry and leaving the room.

~*~

"So we can test it now?" Arabella Figg was sitting in Dumbledore's office with her husband. Dumbledore was looking over the notes Remus had made, impressed.

"I don't see any reason why not. Sirius is in the field now testing some spells on the dummies. Why don't you two go out and tell him about this?"

"Thank you," Arabella stood up, Henry just behind her. They walked down several staircases out of the castle and on to a field where Sirius had his wand pointed defensively at a dummy that was in a duel stance. Sirius shouted something and the dummy fell to the ground, limp. 

"Nice work," Henry Figg said. "You haven't had that spell work in weeks."

"Thank you," Sirius said after the surprise of not being alone wore off. 

"Sirius, we have a charm we want to test. It's the _Fidelius Charm_. We've altered it a bit and we need to see if it still works."

"I've never heard of it," Sirius said curiously.

"It's ancient. We only found it on a whim. It normally doesn't work on humans, but we've changed the potion." Arabella walked over to the dummy and put the spell back on it. It sprung to life.

Sirius eyed her questionably. An ancient spell. He knew of someone who was well-versed in ancient spells. His heart twinged. "Who came up with this spell?" Sirius asked.

Henry was about to say Remus when Arabella stopped him. "I did," she smiled. She didn't know what was going on between Sirius and Remus, but she could tell by the way he asked that Sirius would be suspicious if he knew it was all Remus' idea. She really felt this charm was going to work, and she didn't want anything to ruin it. She fed the potion to the dummy then gave some to her husband who had volunteered to be the dummy's Secret Keeper. She waved her wand at her husband, said an incantation that Sirius couldn't make out and went to the dummies and repeated it. An astonishing thing happened. The dummy disappeared. 

"What happened?" Sirius asked.

"Can you see it, Henry?" Arabella asked beaming.

"Yes, I can. You can't?" 

"No. It works. We can perform it on the Potters."

Sirius looked disbelieving. "The dummy is right there, and we can't see it?"

"No," Arabella said making astonished circles around her husband and the spot she last saw the dummy.

"It's brilliant. They could be right in front of Voldemort's eyes and he wouldn't know." Sirius said.

"Yes."

"Well, let's do it now," Sirius croaked excitedly. 

"Wait, Henry, tell me where the dummy is," Arabella ordered her husband.

"He's right in front of you and just to your right." And as those words were said, the dummy became visible. Sirius gasped.

"They can only be seen if someone tells you where they are. And only be seen by the people who know. If Dumbledore were to come out right now he'd not see the dummy, even though we can." Arabella's face glowed, like she'd just gotten everything she wanted for Christmas.

Arabella and Henry Figg sat in Dumbledore's office with Sirius, James and Lily, who held Harry in her lap. "So that completes the spell," Dumbeldore said, taking a vile and pouring potion into it. "And you have agreed to be the Secret Keeper?" He looked at Sirius who nodded. "Are you sure? I could do it, you know?" 

"No, I'll do it," Sirius said in a forceful tone that was startling to everyone.

"Alright. The best thing we can do now is move Lily and James to a flat in Godric's Hollow. It used to belong to Mungungus, but he felt it would be safer for his family to relocate. So it's vacant and you won't be found there as long as the secret is kept." 

Lily and James looked at each other and smiled. Finally this seemed to be the breakthrough they were looking for.

Sirius followed Lily and James to their new home on a dark October night. He helped move things from one flat to the other, thinking all the while about being the Secret Keeper, until Lily let something slip. 

"You know, Remus really is genius coming up with this charm," Lily said carrying a large box up the sidewalk. 

Sirius didn't say anything, but his thoughts raced. If Remus knew they were doing this, then he would also know that Sirius would be the Secret Keeper. He grew frusterated. He couldn't have Remus knowing what was helping the Potters. It couldn't be like the _Portus Salus charm_. He felt his anger rising when another thought came to him. What if he threw him off? What if they found someone else to be the Secret Keeper? As the last box was placed in the house Sirius broached the subject.

"I've been thinking about it, and what if we use someone else as Secret Keeper?" Sirius looked over at Harry, who was sleeping pleasantly on some blankets floating a foot off the ground. 

"Why would you want to use someone else?" James asked.

"Well, it's only too obvious that I would be your Secret Keeper. If Voldemort comes after me and tries to get the secret out of me, he won't be able to, cause I won't have it in me." Sirius said. 

"Who were you thinking then," Lily asked.

"Peter." Sirius sighed.

"Peter? We haven't even seen him in months. He stopped working on intelligence weeks ago. Are you sure he's a good choice?" Lily glared into Sirius' eyes, seeing a fire she'd never seen before. He looked like he was about to go insane. It was almost frightening to her.

"They will never guess him, will they? He seems least likely." Sirius stated.

"Alright," James said in the same tone he used when he wasn't sure of something but trusted Sirius' judgement on it. 

"I'll get Peter." Sirius walked to the next room where the fireplace was. 

Lily closed the door behind him and whispered. "James, are you sure this is a good idea?" 

"I trust Sirius. More then anyone else, except maybe you." James was certain.

"I trust you then," Lily said. She too had a plan forming in her brilliant mind, one that now would hopefully not come into use.

~*~

The _Fidelius Charm_ had been successfully planted in the three Potters. Sirius was sleeping on their sofa, for extra security he told them. Really he just hated sleeping alone. The moon rose up in the dark sky. Lily thought about Remus. She never imagined she'd miss his company this much, but she did. He could help her with this spell she was working on. She looked over at her bed where her beautiful husband was sleeping. Then dipped her quill in parchment, writing.

__

October 24, 1981

The Mater Caritas _spell is complete. I just have to wait until James is gone to perform it. I hate that I can't let him know about it, but he would never let me sacrifice myself for my son. And he wouldn't understand that it has to be me that does it, not him, not Sirius, me. I've written it all down here. Someone like Voldemort who only knows power from greed can never understand the power that comes from love. _

She stopped and looked at the parchment that was next to her, explaining in detail, the spell. Then dipped her quill again and continued.

__

If James finds this, I want to tell him what he means to me. That he is my life. I never regret meeting him, or marrying him, or being in love with him. He gave me life and taught me more then just how to love, but how to be loved. 

Harry, my dear son, I don't think you will ever understand the love of a parent, until you are one. But just know that I love you. I will always love you, forever.

Lily Potter 

Lily stopped, whipped a tear from her eye and folded up the parchment. She placed it in her robes, hoping she would never need to give it to James. Then curled up next to him. His warm body comforting to her. His loud breaths soothing. She leaned her head on his chest and fell asleep. 

~*~

It wasn't until two days later that Lily heard the news, the thing she'd least expected. Sirius and James sat at the kitchen table, whiter then she'd ever seen. Harry was playing with his breakfast of scrambled eggs. Lily's heart sank when she saw the two men.

"What happened?" She couldn't imagine. There were no Potters left to take. No Blacks. Her mind raced with people who were dead. Who was is now--Dumbledore, Remus, Arabella? It was killing her. She had to know. "Tell me!"

James stood up and helped her into a chair then kneeled down and put his hand on hers. "Your mother and father were taken by Voldemort…" He didn't get to finish. Lily's sobs filled the room.

He looked over at Sirius, not sure he should tell her what happened to them once they were taken. Sirius shook his head, now probably wasn't the time to tell her they were tortured and mutilated before being killed, all because Voldemort didn't believe that they didn't know where Lily and James were. He took Lily in his arms and held her. He didn't know what else to do. Now all her family was gone, all except her sister. And all his family was gone. Now it was just them.

****

October 31, 1981

Godric's Hollow seemed busy on this evening. The moon was full and there were children Trick-or- Treating down the street. Lily loved the sight. She didn't need to dress up on this night. She could openly be a witch, and nobody would think twice about it. It was too unfortunate that she couldn't be seen, though. She would have love to been involved in the apple bobbing or the fire ceremonies. She remembered all the things her and her sister used to do when they were young children on Halloween. She wished Harry could do them too. Still, she sat with her gaze out the window watching the children walk up and down the street, hoping she would be able to one day watch Harry do these same kinds of activities. 

"You want to put Harry to bed?" James asked, carrying his son up to his room.

"No, you go, Love," Lily said, looked into the blue eyes of the man she loved. "I'll only be but a minute." She turned her gaze back outside, where she could hear children's parents calling them in. It was getting late, she guessed. She looked out the window one last time and noticed the street had emptied. That was sure fast, Lily thought. The clouds had covered the moon, so it looked particularly dark outside. She felt a shiver down her spine. She turned and went upstairs. Just as Lily reached the top of the stairs she was filled with the greatest fear of her life. A shrill laugh echoed through the house. Lily turned and looked over her shoulder and screamed as Lord Voldemort himself stared back at her. She ran to Harry's room, where James was running out, his wand raised. 

"James!" She shouted, knowing if he went to battle against Voldemort, he would never make it out. 

"Take Harry and go, I'll hold him off," He shouted back, reaching the top of the stairs and seeing him for the first time, Voldemort. 

Lily ran into Harry's room, shut the door and grabbed her son, stroking his head. She knew now what she had to do. It was now or never. Her son's life depended on it. She pulled a vile of green potion out of her pocket. "Drink it, baby," she said pulling the top off and handing it to him. She watched as Harry looked at the green potion then drank it. He seemed to like it. He looked up at Lily as if to ask for more. She smiled. "I love you, Harry," She said as a horrible green light filled the house. She didn't need to wonder, she knew. James was dead. She heard footsteps up the stairs and held in her tears. She had to be strong; she had a charm to put on her son. She needed all her strength to do it. She focused on Harry, wholly and intently, until the door burst open and she was faced with the most evil wizard of her time.

"Step aside," he said, his voice high.

"Not Harry," Lily pleaded, knowing it was useless. What Voldemort couldn't see was Lily's wand, behind her back, spinning in her hand. She focused all her energy on her son, while trying to hold off Voldemort until it was complete.

"Stand aside, silly, girl." Came the cold chilling voice again.

"I'll do anything, not Harry," she said again, finally satisfied with her charm. She stood as tall as she could, blocked her son's crib and puffed out her chest. This was the last moment she would ever have alive. Only a second later a green flash filled the room. Lily Potter was dead. 

Voldemort looked at her body on the floor. "Mudblood," he muttered walking past her and to the crib. He looked at Harry, who didn't seem scared at all. He looked right back at Voldemort. Voldemort raised his wand and shouted in triumph, "_Avada Kedrava". _Certain this would be the final obstacle in his quest for immortality. But he didn't count on what happened next. The little boy, sitting perfectly still, didn't wince. The spell hit him in the forehead and bounced off, hitting an astonished Lord Voldemort squarely in the chest. The scream that followed was horrendous and the body that the dark wizard had occupied had crumbled to the ground, just as the house itself was beginning to fall. 

"It'll be alright now, Harry," Lily's voice echoed from some mysterious world. "Don't worry, Love. I'll always be with you." The voice seemed to calm Harry, who was now starting to feel scared from the events around him. A pleasant song filled the sky, a lullaby sung in his mother's voice, 

"_Lay thee down now and rest, may thy slumber be blessed  
Lullaby and good night, thy mother's delight  
Bright angels beside my darling abide  
They will guard thee at rest, thou shalt wake on my breast". _

Harry took the yellow blanket that lay in the crib with him and clutched it, as his mother's voice rang in the air, there was a horrible shake in the earth and the house around him collapsed. 

~*~

Sirius pressed the young witch he'd only recently met against the wall, kissing her madly. He tried to focus his thoughts on her smooth skin, her soft lips. On how he'd been so lonely for so many months and now he was going to have someone fill his bed once more. But his mind was nagging him. He released her lips and stood back.

"What is it?" She asked disappointed.

"Nothing," Sirius smiled to her. It would just take a second to check on Peter, he thought. He'd just stick his head in the fireplace and yell. He could do that, and then he could get back to, what was her name, Helen? 

"I'll be back in just a second." He pulled away and stuck his head in the fireplace. "Peter," he called. There was no answer. He looked around. His sitting room was empty. Where was Peter? Without thinking twice about the girl waiting for him he hopped on his motorcycle and left his flat.

"Peter," Sirius said knocking on the door of the flat. "It's me. I'm checking up." Still there was no answer. "Peter?" Sirius called again. He started to feel panic. Looking around to make sure there were no Muggles, Sirius drew his wand pointed it to the lock and said, "_Alohamora."_ The door flew open. Sirius looked around the small flat. "Peter!" He yelled, now getting even more scared. There was no sign of a struggle. It looked as if Peter had left on his own. But he wouldn't go anywhere without telling Sirius, would he? He was Lily and James Secret Keeper, he would tell Sirius if he was leaving. Unless… Sirius ran out the door. His first thought of James. He mounted his motorbike and took off, flying as fast as he could to Godric's Hollow. The bike only reminded him of one more person he didn't want to think of--Remus. Sirius had believed it was Remus who was passing information to Voldemort. Now Sirius could see how stupid that was. But now it was too late. Remus was gone. He only hoped Peter hadn't gotten to James and Lily before he could. He landed with a thud just outside the Muggle neighborhood, then rode as fast as he could down the street, hoping more then he had ever hoped that James and Harry would be there safe. As their house came into view Sirius' whole body went numb. 

Above the house was the symbol every wizard and witch feared seeing, the Dark Mark. The whole house was in ruins. Sirius jumped off his bike before it had even stopped and ran to the rubble. His first glance down he saw James. The only scratches on him seemed to come from the rubble of the house. His blue eyes were still open. He didn't look dead. Maybe, Sirius hoped, he wasn't. Sirius knelt down and picked up the lifeless body. 

"James," he said through tears. "Wake up." There was no movement. Nothing. It suddenly seemed like gravity had multiplied, and Sirius fell on top of James, unable to pull himself up. He knew this was his fault. He knew if he hadn't been so arrogant and listened to Remus this wouldn't have happened. He just wanted to die right there. Next to James. Now there was nobody. He lost his immediate family; he lost James and Harry. He pushed Remus away. He lay on top of James sobbing uncontrollably for minutes before he heard footsteps stop in front of him. He looked up through his teary eyes and made out an enormous figure. He couldn't tell who it was at first. The figure bent down to Sirius. He could now tell who it was, Hagrid. And he also noticed in Hagrid's arms were a bundle of blankets. Something was in them. When the bundle made a gurgle sound Sirius realized what it was. "Harry?" He asked.

Hagrid nodded. 

"Lily?" was all Sirius could get himself to say.

"She didn't make it out. I reckon she tried to protect Lil Harry, and she got it too."

Sirius found some strength now. He stood up. "Can I have him?" Sirius asked, his arms outstretched. HaH Hagrid placed the bundle into Sirius' arms. Harry smiled and reached up for him. This was the first time Sirius realized how much Harry looked like James. They were almost identical. Sirius ran a finger down Harry's cheek and then circled the cut on his forehead. "Is this from…" Sirius couldn't finish. 

"It's from a curse. How he survived it, I don't know." Hagrid said, now getting emotional at the site of Sirius holding the only remaining Potter.

"I'm his Godfather, I'll look after him," Sirius said.

"Dumbledore gave me strict instructions. I'm ter bring him ter his Aunt and Uncle in Surrey." Hagrid held out his arms for the baby.

"James wanted me to raise him, Hagrid. I'm his godfather." Sirius held on to Harry.

"I know it, but Dumbledore wants him with his Aunt."

Sirius looked at Hagrid, then remembered. They didn't tell Dumbledore that they switched Secret-Keepers. Dumbledore thinks this was Sirius' fault. Sirius lost hope again. He kissed Harry on the forehead and whispered, "I love you, Harry," then handed him back to Hagrid. There was no sense in arguing. Dumbledore believed him to be a betrayer. So Sirius had only one thing he could do. Track down Peter and kill him. Peter destroyed everything that Sirius loved, and now he would pay. 

"Take my bike. I won't be needing it," Sirius turned and walked down the street, not turning back. He looked like a mad man heading toward his execution.

After walking for what seemed like hours. The sun had risen and the birds chirped. Sirius stopped on the street where Peter lived. The thoughts that swarmed through Sirius' head clouded his thoughts. He dwelled on Remus. His heart ached. He just wanted to find him and curl up in his arms and sob. But how would Remus ever want him back after the horrible treatment Sirius gave him? His life had taken an awful turn and now there as no way out of it except by death. Sirius would find Peter, kill him and then kill himself. There was nothing left for him anymore anyway. Sirius looked around the busy street. Muggles everywhere were bustling along, appearing to be heading to their jobs. Then Sirius saw Peter, walking toward him. Sirius straightened himself up and readied himself for what he had come to do. He pulled out his wand. But before he could do anything else Peter started screaming. "Sirius! James and Lily? How could you?" 

Sirius was confused. What was he talking about? He started to reply but cut off when Peter stuck his wand behind his back and blew the whole street to pieces. Sirius heard screams but couldn't see through the dust. It brought back the terror of the attack at James and Lily's wedding. When the rubble cleared Peter was gone and there were a dozen bodies lying on the street. Sirius began to move toward them when Ministry wizards appeared and threw him against the wall. They bound his wrists and threw him into a Ministry vehicle. No doubt taking him to their offices where he could explain what happened. But he was wrong. 

The vehicle landed outside a castle surrounded by water. It was dark. Darker then usual for this time of day, or for any time of day for that matter. Sirius had the impression the sun never rose there. Sirius had never been here before, but he knew where he was. Azkaban, the wizard prison. The Ministry official took Sirius out of the vehicle and handed him to a hooded figure. All the warmth in Sirius' body left him. He felt depressed and doomed, more so then he had before. He was almost so consumed with his morbid feelings that he didn't hear what the Ministry wizard had said. "He's in for life. High security." 

In for life? Sirius thought. No trial? "But I'm innocent," Sirius said.

"We have eye witnesses that say you killed Pettigrew plus a sworn statement from Albus Dumbledore that you were the Potters Secret Keeper." The wizard turned and left, no doubt feeling the same feelings as Sirius, only he would get to leave the place. Sirius was here for life. He wished he were dead. The hooded Dementor took Sirius into the prison. Up two staircases and down three long hallways and into a room six feet by nine feet. The Dementor raised a crusty hand and locked the door. Sirius stared at the door and then noticed two more Dementors standing outside his door. They would be there night and day, he assumed. They would suck the happiness out of him. Sirius sat on the only bit of furniture in the room, a creaky small bed. He tried to think about something that would cheer him up. Harry, or Remus or anything. But he could only think about the terrible things he'd said to Remus or how he'd left Harry without putting up more of a fight. He had just destroyed everything in his life and he was going to be in prison until the day he died. 

About to loose control from the sadness that was overcoming him he got up and looked out the six-inch gap in the wall. This was the only source of fresh air and his only view to the outside sky. He looked into the dark starry sky. The moon was out, even though it was still day. It was bright and full. He heard a wolf howl. "Moony," he whispered. Then collapsed onto his bed.

~*~

__

Remus,

I trust you've heard the news about the Potters. I offer my sincerest condolences. 

However, I need you to keep in touch with me. Harry will be looked over and kept safe by Arabella who has agreed to live nearby the house of his Aunt where he will live. But if the time comes I need your assistance, I would hope you could offer it. It is no secret that you were chosen as well to be godparent. I may turn to you for such a task in the future. As for now Harry will be looked over and kept out of harms way. 

Sincerely, 

Alibis Dumbledore.

Remus looked over the note, then down at the Daily Prophet. He was starting to make sense of the night. But it still didn't add up. He knew how Sirius felt about James. He wouldn't turn on him. But then Sirius had turned in to another person after the death of his family. It was all confusing. The daily prophet article read:

**__**

Sirius Black sentenced to life in Azkaban

So obviously there was a trial. They wouldn't send an innocent man to Azkaban for life. Remus felt his heart ache. He had wanted to share a life with this man. This man who turned on his best friends. Who murdered his best friends. He had shared a bed with this man. He loved this man. He loves him still. Remus could now add guilt to his other feelings. Guilty that he could desperately love a murderer. Guilty that he still wanted to feel Sirius body on his. 

Remus glanced into the glass ball. It was supposed to show him what he wanted to see. It was an object used mostly in Divination, but he found one in his mother's attic. He closed his eyes and thought of only one thing. A large castle on a rock up north somewhere. He had no idea where Azkaban was or what it even looked like, but his heart knew where he wanted to be and soon the glass was filled with an image. It was a dark image at first, hard to make out. Then it became clearer and clearer. As if he were flying on a broomstick the castle zoomed closer and close in the glass. It was dingy. It looked bitter cold. And outside stood at least 20 hooded Dementors. This was Azkaban. Remus' heart shook. Sirius was in this place? If Sirius was truly a murderer he deserved this then? But Remus wasn't so sure. He didn't know if it was his feelings toward Sirius or if he really believed nobody should be in a place like this. 

The building kept getting closer until it zoomed in on a window. Not six inches wide and at least a foot deep in stone. It had two bars on it, as if anyone small enough to fit through the six inches would not be able to get through the bars. The image pushed still farther through the bars. And sitting on a dingy cot in a cell was a man so thin and pale he was almost unrecognizable. It had only been a few months, could this have had so much effect on Sirius already? Remus couldn't think about it. He tried to focus on the face. On the eyes. Sirius just sat, unmoving. He was mumbling something, though what Remus couldn't tell. 

He knew he had to stop looking. He would go mad thinking about Sirius in this place. There was nothing he could do for Sirius. Remus had to move on. He had to never think about Sirius again. If only it were that easy.

**END OF PART ONE**


	9. Echos

PART 2

Chapter 9

Echoes

July 1993

Sirius sat in his cell in Azkaban, pressing his head hard against the wall. In his hand he clutched a picture of a family and on the shoulder of one boy was a rat. Not just any rat, it was Peter. Sirius knew he had to get out of this place. Peter was at Hogwarts with Harry, and Sirius had to protect his Godson. Though not much joy was in Sirius' mind anymore, he felt like he'd lost all sense of happiness ages ago, he still thought of Harry. He thought of all the times Harry had been around and he'd ignored him. Or all the times he'd begged James to go to a pub and was angry with the boy when James chose to stay at home with him. Then there was something else. Sirius was the baby's godfather, and someone else turned it down. Someone he must have loved, but he couldn't remember. He felt his mind start to cloud up again and pressed his head harder into the concrete wall. He had to get out; he was not going to die in this horrible place for something he didn't do. That stood out in his mind vividly. Peter. The rat. The one who would betray his best friends, and put Sirius in prison for the rest of his life. The hate dwelled in him. It was the only emotion he could feel anymore. Hate and despair. But he had to get to Harry. He had to get to Peter. If he could kill Peter at least he'd feel he was in Azkaban for a reason. His head started pounding and he realized as blood dripped into his eyes he was pressing his head too hard into the wall. He stopped and looked around the room. He could see a Dementor standing outside his door. He could hear the creek of cell doors being opened. It was time to eat. This was his moment. His mind was clearer now then it had been in years, he had to seize this opportunity and go, now. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to focus on Harry, but realizing the memories of Harry were so far away he focused on his anger. The one emotion he could summon on command. He focused on Peter. The little rat living freely as Sirius was in this horrid prison for Peter's crime. His anger intensified and he transformed into a dog. A huge black dog, yet so skinny he was almost thin enough to fit through the bars. He saw a scabby old hand reach out for his door and open it. Sirius closed his eyes, took a deep breath and ran past the Dementor, thin enough to slip through the gap between the bars and the Dementor. The Dementor stopped and sniffed around. He seemed to know something had just happened, but what it was he couldn't tell. He dropped the food for Sirius on the ground and closed the bars, then went to get the wizard in charge. But by the time the wizard had gotten to the empty cell the big black dog was gone. 

Sirius paddled his four paws across the water. Now suddenly his mind was unclouding. He still felt a sense of the chill from Azkaban, but it seemed like this water was warm. Warmer then anything he'd felt in years. He paddled harder, knowing now that if he stood a chance he would have to get as far away as possible. The farther out he got, the more came filling his mind. He heard laughter, though it took a minute for that to register in mind. The laughter seemed to be coming from a baby. It grew louder and louder the harder Sirius paddled. He could now see the baby in his head. A black haired boy who looked just like James. It was Harry. He was hearing Harry's laughter. The last thing he ever heard from Harry. He smiled. Realizing now how far he'd gone, he stopped, hoping to find something afloat to rest on. He looked ahead but saw nothing but dark water and dark sky. He looked behind him and saw in a distance a huge castle on a rock surrounded by water. That was the place Sirius had just spent 12 years in. The sight seemed to make the laughter in Sirius' head get dim. He turned and looked ahead and paddled his legs some more, focusing now only on the baby he heard in his head. 

Sirius finally reached a rock and rested. The cold was starting to effect him, after the chill of Azkaban wore off. He sat on the rock, staring out at the sea. How much farther was it, he wondered? He had heard brooms flying frantically overhead a few miles back, no doubt the Ministry going to Azkaban. He needed to keep moving. Even a dog swimming in these waters was suspicious. But he was exhausted. The laugh from his godson had taken him this far, but his exhaustion was starting to get the better of him. Maybe he should just admit defeat. Maybe he could just jump in the water and sink to the bottom. Then a different sound came to his ear. It came from a man, someone he remembered only in agony and fear. The voice whispered to him at first_. "Sirius, I love you."_ Then it got louder. He could hear the same voice in ecstatic groans. He knew the voice; he just had to try to remember the man. His heart ached. He was brought out of it by the sound of another broomstick flying over head. Luckily the wizard on it didn't seem to notice the dog sitting on the rock. Sirius jumped back in the water and swam, trying to get the voice back. Trying to place the man.

Shore came not soon enough. Sirius climbed up the rocks to land and shook himself off. It was dark and he looked up at the moon. There was something about it. The moon was half. It seemed like it was beckoning to him. Then he heard the voice again. The groans of ecstasy. His mind was trying to tell him who the person was, but he couldn't place it. He was too tired to think of much more at this moment anyway. He saw a group of large trees and flopped down under them. Tomorrow he would find Harry. 

~@~

"Remus," Arabella Figg opened the door to her home. Remus leaned in and kissed his old friend on the cheek. 

"I heard you lost Henry a few years ago. I'm sorry. How are you holding up?" Remus held on to her hand.

"I've been getting along alright," she smiled. 

"Minerva comes by on occasion when Harry is over and checks on him. It's easy for her to do as a cat. I think sometimes Dumbledore doesn't trust me." 

"Oh, I'm sure he does, he just would like a second opinion," Remus stopped a moment then continued, "That's why I'm here."

Arabella motioned for him to come in and got him some tea. "So I trust you've heard about Sirius then?" She called from her kitchen. Then walked out with a small red teacup.

"Yes, Dumbledore wants my help, though I don't know how much help I can give him." Remus took a teacup from her and sipped.

"You don't give yourself enough credit, Remus. I think you are one of the best people to help get Sirius. After all, you knew him better then anyone else," Arabella looked at him through narrowed eyes.

Yes, Remus thought, he did. And it still troubled him. It still bothered him that he missed the companionship of Sirius, a murderer. He missed being near him. He felt guilty that on dark lonely nights he could imagine his arms around him. Yes, he knew Sirius better then anyone else. And what did that say about him? He could fall so desperately in love with someone who took every friend Remus ever had. He shook the thought out of his head. "Well, at least I get to teach. I can't wait to see Harry again, it's been years." Remus smiled.

"He's a lovely boy, Remus. Much like his mother." Arabella poured more tea into Remus' empty cup. 

"Has Dumbledore asked you to help catch Sirius," Remus asked, feeling a bit uncomfortable with the topic. He had not been allowed to see Harry after the death of James and Lily, even though he was still helping protect him. Dumbledore felt the less he was around people from his parents past, the better off he would be. But Remus was going through a hard time many years back. His parents had just passed and he had never felt more alone in his life. Fortunately for him, Arabella owled out of the blue and asked how he was. When he told her she insisted he come to visit one day when Harry would be by. After much debate he conceited, and when Harry was 4 years old, Remus got to see him. Though only briefly, for less then 10 minutes, it still made everything else seem better.

"Dumbledore wants me to keep an eye out here, in case Sirius decides to turn up on Privet Drive." Arabella said.

"Well, he wouldn't be that dumb would he?" Remus asked.

"I don't know. When someone is desperate they will do just about anything. Terrible thing it is that he turned so bad," Arabella said into her cup, distantly.

"Yes," Remus replied, feeling the guilt.

~*~

The sun was burning into the black dog lying under the trees. He woke, hotter then he'd been in years. Maybe if he were a man he'd be sweating, but as it was his tongue was dry and he was panting hard. He stood up and walked to the huge sea he'd just swum across and drank. The water was salty, but it offered him a little relief. He turned at looked at the land before him. He had no idea where he was, and for that matter, where Harry was. Hagrid Harry told him was going to live with his aunt. That must be Lily's sister. He tried to remember her name. All the clouds in his mind were starting to thin out. He could picture him and James. They were laughing. Sirius smiled. In his mind he saw another person. His smile dropped. It was Peter. Now the animal in Sirius burst out. All he could see for 12 years was Peter. He only heard the bad things he'd said. He only could remember the painful things. But he remembered Peter. He hated Peter. He took off in a run toward the land, still not sure where he was going, but knowing it was farther from Azkaban and closer to Peter.

Hours later Sirius reached a small town. It looked beautiful and green unlike any Sirius could remember seeing. He stopped in a large field and rested. He was starving. He wished he had his wand, but they took that just before they committed him to Azkaban. This would make things very difficult on him, as he was never very good with wandless magic. But he had to do what he could. He was still uncertain where he was, and his hunger was growing, so he stood up and walked into town. It looked like a tourist attraction. He saw many Muggles; speaking different languages and all dressed differently. Though in Sirius' opinion all Muggles dressed odd. He walked down a large hill and saw in the distance castles. He had a sneaking suspicion he knew where he was, but he hoped he was wrong. Northumberland was very far from where he suspected Harry to be. It wasn't that far from Hogwarts, though, he thought. Maybe he could just go to the forest and wait for Harry. He shook his head, clearing it and heading down toward the shops, hoping to find some remnant of food and maybe even get a chance to hear where he was.

"Have you heard about the new choir in town?" An elderly woman asked an elderly man.

"No, do tell," the man replied. Sirius cocked his head and listened, trying to be inconspicuous.

"The Burwick-upon-Tweed Children's Choir. It's quite fabulous," the woman said.

Sirius stopped listening. Burwick-Upon-Tweed, damn, he was in Northumberland. He walked a little farther until he came to a restruant. It smelled delicious. He walked around the back of the building and sniffed around. Something smelled good. It was coming from the bin in the back. He walked over to it and sniffed some more. Luckily he was as big as he was; he could just drop his head in and pull out whatever it was. And it was a piece of meat. It was delicious, though raw. He didn't care; he hadn't eaten anything like that in years. He sat and quietly chewed the delicious steak to the bone, then decided to take the dog thing all the way and gnawed on the bone. His mind cleared and he heard an echo.

"There are too many secrets." 

"Why don't you just say what you're thinking?"

"Is it you? Are you passing information to Voldemort?" 

"How can you even think that? Think what you are accusing me of."

"You're not denying it,"

Sirius knew the conversation; he'd replayed it over and over in his head in Azkaban. He remembered seeing the hurt in a beautiful man's eyes. Then another echo came to him, even more distant. The groans of ecstasy. _"Oh God Sirius"_. It was the same voice. It was Remus. Had he really said those horrible things to his lover? Sirius wondered if he really deserved what he got in Azkaban. He shook his head and recalled the laughter he'd heard as he left Azkaban. The small child he remembered seeing. Now there were more memories coming back to him. A black haired boy looking up at him. His green eyes full of life. Harry. He smiled. His Godson. He would soon see his Godson. A second wind came to Sirius. He was going to see Harry at his Aunt's house; he couldn't wait until the start of school. He jumped up and ran down the road.

Sirius climbed in the back of a truck carrying sheep and lay silently among the pack. His head rested on his legs when he heard the driver of the truck yell to the passenger, "We have to get there soon. It's the 31st you know." 

Sirius picked his head up. The 31st? That means it's Harry's birthday. He would be 13. Sirius tried to remember what James looked like at 13. He imagined Harry would be quite similar. He squinted his eyes and thought. Then more echoes. "_Can you say 'Uncle Sirius'?" _He heard laughter. It sounded like three people were in the room with him. Was Remus one? He could only guess. _"Padfoot, he's only three months old. He can't say anything yet."_ The memory made him feel warm, feel happy. Emotions that were still very new to him. He put his head back down in his lap and tried to remember more. _"We want you to be his godparents,"_ he could hear James say. It was so frustrating to Sirius. He couldn't remember much. And he desperately wanted to. 

Miles later the truck stopped, and Sirius jumped out. The sun had gone down and it was starting to get dark. He'd had enough rest on the truck, managed to gag down some sheep food, which was probably one of the worst things he'd ever eaten, and felt that now he could go a while longer by foot. He still didn't know where he was, but he knew that once he got to London it would be easier for him to find his way to Harry. He strained his memory again, trying to come up with the name of Harry's aunt. His feet carried him toward the light that told him a town was nearby. There he could tell where he was and possibly get some food. He still tried to remember as his legs ran. Lily. What was her maiden name? He could see her now. He could see her vivid auburn hair and her bright green eyes. They used to tease her at school, he remembered. They chanted something. What was it? _Silly Tilly Lily Evans_. He heard the echo. Evans. That was it. Lily and her sister had a similar name. He tried to remember as he entered the bright lights of the town. People were bustling around the streets. He strided down the street then stopped as an image in the store window caught his view. He remembered Lily talking about these objects. Televisions they were called. This television had a picture of Sirius on it. His heart dropped. They had the Muggles looking for him? Fear coursed through his veins. What would the Dementors do to him if they caught him? He couldn't bear to think of it. But as if he were back in Azkaban the thought overcame him and he couldn't control it. He had seen it happen to numbers of prisoners in the 12 years he was there. The Dementor would lower his hood. Sirius never saw their faces, but he could see the backs of their heads as the Dementors performed the infamous Kiss. The back of the head was crusty and looked like one giant scab. He shuttered at the though. He had to keep those memories out of his head. He was not in Azkaban anymore, and if he could keep his head straight, he wouldn't ever be there again. He tried to think of something more pleasant. His parents. But the only thing that came to his mind was seeing his father's body in the field where James and Lily got married. He stopped, feeling overwhelmed by his pain again. Something that hadn't happened since he'd left Azkaban nearly 24 hours before. He had to stop running; he had to get his mind under control again. He panted deeply. Maybe it would be best if he just stopped for the night. 

_"Wormtail!" _A scream came from two cells down. _"You set the Dark Lord up, Wormtail."_ Sirius tried to push his head through the bars to see whom it was, but the bars were too close together. He leaned closer. Then he heard, _"Black, we will get you. We will kill you." _It was a menacing sound. It was the Dementors, hundreds of them coming toward his cell. _"No, I didn't do anything,"_ Sirius shouted. _"You killed Lily and James."_ He saw someone in front of the Dementors. It was Remus, his wand drawn. He looked like he was about to attack. _"You killed them,"_ Remus taunted. The Dementors were close behind Remus. He stopped at the bars of Sirius' cell and now Sirius could see it wasn't Remus at all, it was James. _"You did this, Sirius. We're dead because of you."_

_"No,"_ Sirius shouted. Still the hundreds of Dementors closed in on his cell. They walked through the bars, as if they weren't there at all. Sirius looked up desperately to the Dementor. _"I didn't do it,"_ he shouted. The Dementor raised his hood and Sirius saw what was under it. He awoke with a start, hearing barking coming from his mouth. 

It took Sirius a few minutes to realize where he was, and why he was covered with fur. He looked up at the dark sky. It was still night, but he wasn't tired anymore. He looked around, scared. Still thinking he may only be dreaming and will wake up in Azkaban. 

He started walking again; there was nothing else for him to do. He hadn't eaten in hours. He had to find someplace to get food. Maybe he should have gone the other way from Northumberland. He was so much closer to Hogwarts then. But it was too late for that now. "Keep your head, Sirius," he told himself in barks. He headed toward even brighter lights, a city perhaps? He hoped, maybe it was London. Could they have gone that far already? He tried to remember his way around London. He had lived there, he remembered. Now, once again, what was Lily's sister's name? It was sort of similar to Lily. Was it Jill or Milly? Milly, he thought. Melly Potter. She was dead. She was 13 when she died. Damn, why couldn't he keep these terrible memories out, just for a moment so he could think? 13. That's how old Harry was now. He had to hurry to see Harry. He wouldn't let his Godson die at 13 the way Melly did. 

The lights in the city were getting closer. He tried to remember what London looked like at night. Sketches, vague images came to his mind, but he still wasn't sure he could recognize it now. 

After what felt like miles, his legs ached. The sky was pink as the sun was coming over the horizon. He reached a newsstand in the outskirts of the city and read on the newspaper, _The Manchester Post_, his heart sunk. He was only in Manchester. He was miles from London. It would take him days to walk there. Sniffing around, he decided he'd better find some food before the sun completely rose.

Two long days later, Sirius arrived in London, panting and out of breath. He hadn't been able to catch another ride and found that at night he tended to make more mileage, since he wasn't being gawked at by passersby. Once in London his mind swirled again. Lily Evans, he thought. What was her sister's name? He seemed to recall Lily shouting about her sister once, but he couldn't remember what she'd called her. Some sort of flower, he remembered. Rose. No. Lavender. No. Jasmine. He couldn't remember. Think, Sirius, he shouted to himself. 

"Petunia," a woman on the street said to a young girl. "Petunia, get over here and keep up with me." The little girl trailed behind her mother.

Petunia. That was it. Petunia Evans. No, wait, that wouldn't be her last name. She was married. Sirius remembered that Lily was crushed at not being invited to her sister's wedding. He had to remember her married name. James spoke of his brother-in-law sometimes. Called him by his last name. Sirius closed his drooling snout and sat on the grass. His mind was clearer then it had been in years, yet still too cloudy. He tried to clear his head. Tried to only remember the conversations he had with James.

_"It's a caterpillar. Watch, I'll make it do a cartwheel." _A 5 year old James Potter sat in the grass next to an 5 year old Sirius. Sirius couldn't help but smile. 

_"Sirius, look. Wow."_ Sirius remembered James holding on to his shoulder as he first saw the Hogwarts Express their first year. 

_"Lily Evans. She's incredible,"_ James said. He could now remember them staring across the Great Hall watching the beautiful auburn haired Gryffindor sitting next to her Slytherin boyfriend. _"That Snape's a git,"_ he said annoyed.

_"It's complete. Are you ready?"_ James voice echoed. Sirius could remember them sitting in a circle on the floor of their dormitory. Remus sat nervously on the bed. A ball of a jelly like substance was in his hand. He could feel it. It was cold and sticky. Sirius looked at Remus and said, "_I'm ready."_ Then popped the jelly in his mouth. Once he swallowed it he looked around at James. Then thought as hard as he could of an animal. Next moment, Sirius was a huge black dog. James was pleased, Peter was a little startled and Remus was worried. But Sirius just felt like he'd accomplished the greatest feat any wizard could do.

Sirius shook his head. These were great memories, but he needed to help Harry now. He pulled his hind leg up over his head and scratched an annoying itch behind his ear. 

_"That bloody prat, Dursley. He won't even let Lily phone her sister." _It just popped into his head. James voice echoed once again, this time giving Sirius the information he was searching for. He jumped up. Dursley. That was it. Petunia Dursley. Now all Sirius had to do was find a directory, figure out how to make his paws turn the pages without looking too conspicuous and find Harry. That sounded difficult. Maybe Sirius could risk taking on his human form for a brief moment, just to check the directory. If he waited until it was dark. He thought about it. Would it be worth going back to Azkaban? He didn't want to remember that horrible place. It seemed every time he thought of Azkaban another memory he'd tried so hard to recall went back into the vault, where Sirius had to try to retrieve it. But there was no other way. He had to risk it. 

He sat in the grass in a park in London and watched the Muggles. Amused by their lives and the devices they used to get around. He even saw one man shouting into a device that he held up to his ear. It looked like a thing Lily had in her house to talk to her parents when they weren't there. He strained again to remember what it was called. Oh yes, a lellytone. No, that wasn't right. A telephone. He smiled. Now that he had Petunia Dursley ground firmly in his head, he could afford to remember more, and he was rather enjoying it.

"Sirius," came the echoed shout of his best friend Remus when they were 16. _"Look. I got more OWLS then anyone else in the class." _Sirius remembered. Remus had to take the OWLS a week later then the rest of his classmates, because the day they were scheduled to take them in the 5th year was the day of a full moon. And since it took sometimes until late at night to finish the OWLS, they couldn't risk it. James was done before anyone else and managed to meet him for the transformation before Sirius and Peter got there a couple hours later. Sirius remembered the excitement Remus felt at having done so well, and then the sadness he felt at realizing it didn't really matter. _"It's not like I can do anything anyway. Who will hire a werewolf, even if he did get top OWLS?"_ Sirius felt Remus' injustice. He put an arm around his shoulder and said, "_Well, whatever happens, you know we'll always care about you, right?"_ It was uncommon for Sirius to be sentimental like that, but for some reason it seemed right. Remus looked at him and smiled. _"Thanks,"_ he said. Then, as if it were something he did everyday, Remus kissed Sirius. Sirius pulled away uncomfortably. _"Sorry,"_ Remus said, looking at his feet. _"Don't know what came over me." _He started walking down the corridor back to the dormitory. Sirius just pretended he didn't notice. But whenever he needed someone near him, he knew from that moment on Remus would be there.

"Harry, no. Harry, come back here." A small boy was climbing up a large rock. He seemed not to notice the red haired woman yelling for him. _"Harry, please, come back."_ She yelled again. The boy reached the top of the rock and turned back to face the woman who was yelling. But it wasn't the face of a little boy at all. It was the most terrifying face anyone could imagine. It was scabbed and decaying. 

Sirius shot up from his sleep, whimpering. He wondered how long these dreams were going to last. Looking around, noticing it was night he got up. 

He came to a newsstand about twenty feet from the gate of the park and stopped. He looked at a newspaper. **Sirius Black still at large.** And there was a picture of him. He felt more nervous, but he knew he had no choice. He walked down the street until he saw a phone booth and looked around. The street was not busy, but there were some Muggles on it. He couldn't transform here. He looked behind him and saw a dark alleyway. He entered it. 

A minute later, a disheveled Sirius Black adorned only in horribly torn robes, emerged from the alley. He looked around nervously. It seemed nobody acknowledged him. That was fine, he didn't want to be seen. He casually walked to the phone booth and picked up the phone. How do these things work? He wondered. He'd seen Lily's, but he'd never seen her use it. Well, you talk into it, he remembered. 

"Um, is anyone there?" Sirius said, startled by his own voice. He hadn't used it in months. It sounded odd to him. It was hoarse. But there was nothing on the phone line. He looked at the device hanging on the side of the booth. It had numbers three to a row in four columns. He punched one number. Luckily for him, it was the zero.

"Directory," a voice came into the phone. 

Sirius jumped at hearing it. He was embarrassed that he startled so easily these days. "Um," he said again, still not used to his voice. "I need an address to a Petunia Dursley." He tried to sound as normal as he could, but failed miserably.

"We have two Petunia Durlsey's in the London area. One in Surrey and one in Canterbury." The lady said in a Cockney accent.

"Can I have both please," Sirius asked. He then realized he had no way to remember both. 

The lady rambled on. "4 Privet Drive in Surrey. And 125 North Chamber Street in Canterbury."  
"Thank you," Sirius said into the phone. He repeated the numbers in his head, hoping to remember them. The line went dead after a moment and Sirius put the phone back on the cradle. Then he slipped out of the booth, this time getting a strange glance from a man walking by. He walked back to the alley and transformed back into the dog. Well, that went smoothly, he thought.

Now, which place should he try first? Well, Surrey was sure a lot closer then Canterbury, so he'd try that one first. However, he could see the clock on a wall shop, and realized it would be daylight soon. He would make better progress if he traveled after a meal, so he'd better just wait a few hours until the restraunts opened, rummage through some garbage and then find Harry.

The sun was just going over the clear horizon, and Sirius could see ahead for miles. It was hot and sticky. He panted wishing more then anything at that moment that he could find a puddle of water. He stopped about a mile away from Privet Drive and looked at a map that was posted inside a bus portal. A red arrow pointed to the spot he was, and it looked like Privet Drive was east. He sat and rested for a moment, his legs aching from walking all day. He would see Harry soon, he hoped. But thoughts kept nagging at him. There was a possibility Harry wasn't there anymore. There was a possibility he wouldn't come outside for a while, so he'd still have to wait. But at least he was close. He hoped. He only prayed he didn't have to walk clear to Canterbury after this. He closed his eyes for a brief moment. And then came more echoes. 

_"I can't let you go now,"_ James voice called.

"Uncurse me, dammit. I need to help you." 

"Mortificus," he could hear James voice call. Then he heard retched screams. These were sounds he'd heard in Azkaban. Sounds that were only too familiar to him. Sounds of pain suffered by his friends and family. 

Sirius sighed and stood up, walking east toward Privet Drive. The street looked amusing to him, all the houses looked similar. All the yards were neat. It looked like a place Remus would love—very green and clean. But it made Sirius uncomfortable. Too much order for him. He was looking for number 4. He walked along the sidewalk, trying not to be noticed, but failing. A little girl ran inside her house when she saw him. He must be a frightening animal to a child. He was rather large and unkempt. 

He stopped in front of a house with a number 4 on it. The house looked just like all the others ones. It was white with green shutters. He walked around to the backyard. Did Harry play back here, he wondered. He felt anticipation at the idea that his godson lived in this house, or at least he hoped his godson lived in this house. He heard a noise and hurried into a hedge in the yard. The hedge was barely big enough to cover him. He hoped he wasn't noticed. The dog pound was not a place he wanted to end up either. 

A large round boy came outside. Sirius heart sank. That wasn't Harry. He was sure of it. He was at the wrong house. He had to walk all the way to Canterbury now. He growled.

"Harry, Harry, where are you?" Sirius heard the shout from inside the house. His ears perked up. He could have sworn the man's voice said Harry. He was at the right place. He wanted to run to the window and peek in. He started to venture out of the bushes when the other boy went inside, but then was met by a horrible creature. A small dog, spoiled looking. Sirius glared down at the ugly British Bulldog. He let out a vicious bark and the dog ran the other way. Sirius couldn't help but laugh a little, but still though maybe it would be better if he stayed hidden, at least until dark. 

When the sun had disappeared, Sirius trotted to the front of the house. He walked close to the window and tried to peek in, but all he could see were two very fat adults. Surely that wasn't Lily's sister? Lily was thin and beautiful. These two people looked like overgrown sows. Then a thin, lanky, not attractive woman came into the room. She was standing in front of someone, but Sirius couldn't see whom. The persons black hair was showing over her shoulder, but Sirius couldn't see his face. Was this Harry? He hoped. He would get to see Harry in a minute. He could hardly wait. But then the same boy he saw in the yard earlier that day appeared in the window and startled Sirius. He drew the blinds, and Sirius couldn't see anymore.

Defeated, he plopped down in the grass at the side of the house. How long was he going to have to stay there? 

~*~

Remus sat with his eyes closed and his head rested on the back of a chair. His thoughts were fluttering back and forth. He could see a black dog walking down Harry's street. He tried not to worry, he knew Sirius couldn't attack Harry at his Aunt and Uncles house. He thought about talking to Arabella again. Telling her to keep a look out for Harry. But he couldn't tell her Sirius was animagus. They had sworn to each other years ago that they would never tell anyone. Lily only found out by accident when she was following the boys out to make sure they didn't get into too much trouble. After the prank they'd played on Snape the year before Lily didn't seem to trust their mischeif. Lily had sworn not to tell anyone as well, and even offered to become animagus herself. _"What would you transform into?"_ He remembers James asking with admiration in his eyes.

_"A butterfly,"_ Lily spread here arms out as if they were wings.

_"Yeah, Remus would tear you up in two seconds,"_ Sirius laughed.

(indent) But in the end, James fear of the impending war and his obsessiveness to keep her safe, stopped them. 

Remus sighed, trying hard to see if he could tell the dogs intentions. He'd always been able to sense others' thoughts and intentions, a sort of sixth sense. But he'd never told anyone, and he never really understood what it meant until a few years ago. He'd been the best student in Divination when Sirius had the worst time with that class. Three years ago he started honing it. But still, nobody knows. It was not believable to be a Seer to most wizards. He wasn't sure how accurate it was anyway, since he never sensed anything about Sirius going bad. Maybe he was too emotionally involved in Sirius. He was too blinded. 

He sighed again and tried to see the dog. His mind was blank now, though. He opened his eyes and saw his tawny owl sitting on the table, a note clutched in his claw.

"You should have made a noise, I had no idea you were there," Remus said to the bird. Feeling lonely these days, he often talked to his owl. He pulled the note out of the bird's claw, gave him an owl treat from the cupboard and went back to his chair. He pulled the note open. It read:

Remus,

Harry has been taken to the Leaky Cauldron where Tom will look after him. He had a mishap at his aunt's house and will be spending the rest of the summer there. We have several wizards who will be keeping an eye on him, unknown to Harry. 

It would be beneficial, however, if you could ride on the Hogwarts Express on September 1st, just as an extra precaution. Be at platform 9 ¾ at 11:00. If this won't work for you, as I know it's the day after the moon is full, please owl me immediately.

Dumbledore

Remus looked at the letter. He couldn't help but worry now. Harry was gone from the protection of his Aunt, gone from the watchful eye of Arabella. He would be on the Hogwarts Express even if he had the worst transformation ever. He owed that to Harry.

"She has the most amazing eyes," James voice echoed in Sirius' head. He smiled. It was so comforting for him to hear James after so long. _"They were just glaring into my soul._" Sirius remembered blushing when sixteen-year-old James told him this. _"And it wasn't the same as with the other girls, Padfoot, it was incredible. It was like we were made to fit together."_ Sirius remembered he thought James was just a raving loon when he was talking like that, but now it seemed he once felt that way about someone. Could it have been Remus? Part of him hoped not, because he had said horrible things to Remus. But part of him hoped he at least shared that feeling with someone. He did love Remus, but was it in a different way he loved James? He wished he could remember. He was a little upset when his thoughts were disrupted by shouts from inside. 

"COME BACK HERE." A large voice yelled. "COME BACK HERE AND PUT HER RIGHT."

Sirius tried to peek through the gap in the curtains and caught a glimpse of what looked like a large balloon with arms and legs floating on the ceiling. 

"She deserved it. She deserved what she got. You stay away from me." A voice from a younger voice shouted.

Sirius perked his ears. Could that be Harry? Then he put it together and if he could, would have bellowed with laughter. Harry had blown this woman up. He _was_ James' son. He'd have been proud. Then the door opened.

"I'm going. I've had enough." A young dark haired boy ran out the door carrying a trunk and a snowy owl. Sirius' heart lept. _James?_ He sunk back in the bush trying to hide, but still needed to see the boy. He flashed his emerald green eyes in the direction of the bush and then Sirius knew. This was Harry.


	10. Reconnecting

****

Chapter 10

Reconnecting

The black sky silhouetted the strange animal flying with a fleeing wizard on its back. Sirius contemplated the events of the past evening as Buckbeak flew south. He had not much of an idea as to where he would go except far away from where he was. The strange movements from the animal seemed to make him wary. He remembered an alternate means of flying he used to have. A motorcycle. He remembered the man who gave it to him. The man he'd seen just hours before. He tried not to remember their brief meeting. It wasn't exactly what he was hoping for. The first time he saw Remus since coming out of Azkaban he had wanted to touch him. He had noticed his features were more defined. His face had a few more wrinkles. His hair was now flecked with gray. But he still made Sirius' heart pound. All the questions he'd had earlier about how much he'd loved Remus, all the feelings he'd wondered about, were answered when he peeked through the dark Forbidden Forest on the first night at Hogwarts. He remembered now. He remembered how much he loved Remus. 

Remus was climbing out of a horseless carriage. Nobody noticed the large black dog hiding in the forest. But Sirius saw Remus. And all the events of their life together flooded into his brain like a dam bursting. He could remember the feel of Remus' body on his. The smell of him. His heart ached. He wanted more then anything to run to him, to touch him. But when Sirius glanced again, he was gone. 

I really messed up, Sirius thought. If only he could have talked to Remus without the glaring eyes of 13 year olds. He now had more questions. Would there ever be anything between him and Remus again? Was Remus even still single? Surely not. He had to have found someone else. Sirius pulled on the reigns of the hippogriff, and they landed on a grassy ledge. 

Climbing off Buckbeak, Sirius looked around. There was a small shack sitting on the cliff. In fact, it looked like if the wind blew it too hard it would fall right off the cliff. His eyes glanced over his shoulder to the East. He could see some pink starting to appear. It was almost dawn. 

He pulled the crumpled parchment out of his pocket. Hours earlier he had been riding on Buckbeak, scared and wondering where he would end up. And once he was there how on earth he would live. All his money was in the vault in Gringotts. To his surprise a tawny owl fluttered beside him, a note in his claws. Still holding on to Buckbeak, Sirius pulled the note off. The bird flew away, a little intimidated by this large unfamiliar flying creature.

Sirius read the note again.

__

I trust you have gotten off all right. Fly Southwest until you reach a cliff shaped like an elephant. There is a hut on the cliff. It once belonged to my brother Alberforth. Feel free to use it as long as you like. I will keep in touch.

Dumbledore

Sirius looked at the shack again. Then tied Buckbeak to a post farther from the edge. He suppressed the growls in his aching stomach and walked through the wooden door. It wasn't locked. He wondered if it _could_ lock. Sirius didn't have a wand. He couldn't put a locking charm on it. Oh well, he thought, probably aren't many people who know about this place anyway.

The inside was cold and bare. There was a fireplace against one wall. He wondered if it was connected to the Floo Network. There was a Muggle refrigerator in the opposite corner, but it was completely empty. Sirius ignored the rumble in his stomach again. He pulled off his robes and placed them on the floor, now wishing more then ever he had a wand. He would have loved to transfigure it into a bed. But this would have to do. He collapsed on the floor not aware how tired he was until the moment his head lay in his hands. He was asleep before he could even contemplate it.

Sirius woke the next day, realizing he was hungrier then he'd ever been. He wasn't sure what time it was. He walked outside the hut. Buckbeak was lying on the ground and when he saw Sirius he hopped up hopefully. 

"Sorry, we aren't going anywhere just yet," Sirius said, patting his feathery head. He looked up to the sky; the sun was high over head. It had to be afternoon. There didn't look like anyplace he could find anything to eat on this cliff. It was all rock. He looked down the rocky ledge. He hadn't been able to see what was at the bottom the night before. But now he could see a small village. He had no idea where he was, just Southwest from Hogwarts. It was certainly a warm place though. There was a green field at the bottom of the cliff. It was far enough down that if there were people in it he wouldn't be able to tell. Well, he thought, I guess I'll transfigure and check it out. Maybe he could find some food. Seconds later a large black dog padded his way down the precipice

. 

~*~

As the sun was just starting to go under the horizon the dog reappeared at the top of the cliff, panting and full of food. He'd managed to bring back a few bones for the Hippogriff, sad that he couldn't bring more. He laid the bones down in front of Buckbeak and started to transfigure back when he saw a light on inside the hut. Keeping his dog form he walked to the doorway and poked his nose into the door, opening it wider. At a table that hadn't been there earlier sat a light brown haired werewolf. "Hello, Sirius," he said.

Sirius stood in the doorway, too stunned to transform back to his human form. When he tried to speak, but only gave a bark, he realized and quickly became a man. "Remus," he said. He eyed him cautiously, not sure why he was there. He took a seat across the table from him. "You did this I suppose?" He asked, referring to the table that wasn't there earlier in the day.

"Dumbledore told me where you were, and when I arrived there was nothing in this small hut but a pair of old tattered robes. I figured you could use some furniture." Remus said as if it was only common knowledge he would show up there. 

The casual tone in Remus' voice eased Sirius a little. Now he looked longing at him. He had so many things he wanted to know. But he started of simply. "How did you get here?"

Remus pointed to a broomstick in the corner. It was at that time that Sirius also noticed a settee and a bureau. "Would you like some tea?" Remus asked.

Sirius noticed a kettle sitting on the fire. He was envious of Remus. He could do nothing without a wand. "Thank you," Sirius said, still reeling at the site of this place. It actually looked a little cozy now. There were drapes in the windows that the breeze was blowing. Without meaning to sound rude, Sirius asked, "Why are you here?" 

"We never got to talk. You know, that night in the Shrieking Shack." Remus placed a cup of tea in front of Sirius. He eyed it cautiously and then sipped it. He's a bit paranoid, Remus thought. "I want you to completely understand that I don't think you were responsible for any harm that came to Lily and James." He said it evenly. 

"But I am," Sirius said, his voice not even. 

"No, you aren't. You thought you were doing what was best for them." Remus looked him squarely in the eyes.

"Peter got away," Sirius said softly. 

Remus looked out the window. The sun was gone and the sky was turning a dark purple. "Maybe it's better that way." 

Sirius' eyes shot up and glared into Remus. Remus saw the shadow of a man who had nothing to live for in 12 years. There was still some madness in those blue eyes. "Better? He's going to return to Voldemort. How is that better?"

"He owes Harry a life debt. Dumbledore noticed this as well. Maybe that was the plan all along," Remus said mysteriously.

"What?" 

"I had a feeling, no it was more then that, I had a premonition once I saw Peter on the map what might happen. I understood that _if _Peter was in fact the traitor and _if_ he returned to Voldemort with a life dept to Harry, we would be a step ahead of Voldemort. I was, however, willing to kill Peter if Harry didn't stop us." 

Sirius took in the things he'd just heard, processing them. Then looked at Remus with a new admiration. He'd forgotten how clever Remus was. "How will we be sure Peter will actually one day return Harry's life debt?"

"The bond between someone whose life is in your debt is so strong, that the guilt you feel from their deaths will consume you, tear you up. Make you half a man. Look at Snape. He's brilliant, yet he has nobody in his life. He's an angry man. He was helping Lily for James' sake. He tried as much as he could, but he couldn't save James." 

"How do you know he tried to help Lily?" Sirius said, his tone still expressionless.

"There were too many things that seemed to go her way. Too many things that were just too convenient. And he was in love with her once. He must have been helping her."

Sirius looked out the window, not seeing anything, just staring. He'd been out of Azkaban for 11 months, but he still didn't feel like he was whole. Maybe he never would feel that again. But sitting here with Remus was making him feel things he hadn't in more then 12 years. He knew one thing; he didn't want Remus to leave. He didn't want these new feelings to go yet. "Were you planning on staying in the village," Sirius asked.

"No," Remus replied. "I was hoping to stay here."

Sirius looked into his brown eyes. He wasn't sure how to take that. Sirius was too broken, to incomplete to bring another person into his life. He couldn't be intimate, not yet. He hoped this wasn't what Remus was saying. As if reading his mind Remus replied.

"I'll turn your robes into a bed, and I'll sleep on the settee. I can put a charm on it to make it quite cozy." Remus smiled. "Then tomorrow we'll give you a hair cut and a nice shave and get you some decent robes and a wand."

"Is there a wizarding shop here?" Sirius asked, relief in his voice.

"Not here. We are in the Maldives. There aren't any wizarding communities here. But if we go to Sri Lanka there is a small shop that sells wands and potion ingredients, that sort of stuff, in an underground."

Sirius smiled. His first real smile since he had told Harry he wanted him to leave the Dursley's and live with him. "Alright." Sirius said. 

~*~

The next day was met with excitement. Sirius couldn't remember ever having been so excited. He was going to spend the day with his best friend and he would be carefully entering the world. Neither he nor Remus knew if Sirius' escape from Azkaban had made it to Sri Lanka, but they decided to be careful. Remus cut Sirius' hair shorter then he'd ever remembered seeing it. Then used his wand to remove the facial hair from Sirius. Indeed, he looked like a different man. He still had no clothes to wear but the two sets of robes he came in. So Remus transfigured them into a rather tattered looking pair of trousers and a shirt. It would have to do until they got to the underground.

Not sure how they were going to get to Sri Lanka on the broomstick without being seen, they decided to walk as far away as they could with the broom until nobody would notice two men flying south. 

After only an hour they reached the shore of Sri Lanka. They still had quite a way to go until they reached the underground. They walked the rest of the way, talking and trying to ease a tension they felt. 

"Maybe I will make a Portkey while we are there, so we don't have to do this walk every time," Remus said, gasping for air. They had been walking nearly two hours. Remus had only seen this underground in his mind, so he wasn't sure he would even know it until they came right upon it. 

Sirius said nothing, but was curious about the use of "we". Had Remus planned on staying with him? He had to admit he loved the idea. He loved the old memories Remus seemed to bring up. Most of them from their days at Hogwarts, careful not to mention Peter. There would be a memory thrown in about their days as a couple, but that was seldom, as if he was avoiding having to think or talk about that. Maybe Remus did have someone else. 

They arrived at the underground as it was getting dark, something Remus hadn't counted on. They would have to stay in a hotel in the Muggle town above the wizard shops. 

"I haven't got much money," Sirius said, suddenly realizing he actually would need to pay for things. He felt so foolish at times like this. It had been so long since he'd been in the real world. 

Remus smiled, "Dumbledore seemed to know that. He gave me a loan to give to you. He knows you'll repay it. And if you don't he knows your Gringotts account, and he'll just recover it himself," Remus laughed.

"He's a smart man." Sirius smiled back and for a brief moment caught Remus' eye. There was so much life in his eyes. But he could see hurt. Hurt that Sirius undoubtedly put there. He turned away quickly. "Well, lets get a wand before we find an inn. That sound alright?" 

"Sure," Remus said, disappointed that he couldn't keep his gaze longer.

Sirius was so grateful to finally be able to shower properly. He let the water drip down his body and just stood in the spray, feeling finally like a human. In Azkaban he was given a bowl and a cloth to clean himself. He was only allowed out of the cell three times a day to use the loo. Since he was in high security, he wasn't allowed any contact with anyone else. He wondered if maybe he had been able to communicate with someone else he wouldn't have gone so mad. But he was fortunate not to have lost his mind completely, though often he thought it would have been better. To not know what you're feeling, rather then to feel so horrible. To relive the worst moments of your life. He shuttered thinking about it. 

Remus was sitting casually at the table in the room they'd gotten. It had two beds, which had both been slept in as neither of them had yet to feel like moving to the next level. And a table and chairs and a Muggle telephone. Remus sipped some tea he'd brought up when Sirius came out of the shower, draped only in a towel. He tried not to look, but his eyes wandered over to his body. It was sallow and waxy looking, not like he remembered. The years they'd spent playing Quidditch didn't show anywhere, and he was thin. Remus thought he might be able to count his ribs sitting where he was. He couldn't imagine what Sirius must have gone through. Sirius dropped the towel and threw his Muggle clothes on. They were going into the underground again, but they had to blend in until they got there. They noticed yesterday that most of the witches and wizards in the underground shops wore Muggle clothes. The only way you could even tell they were witches was by the wands they carried, or the peculiar things that happened around them. 

When Sirius finally had his clothes on he turned to Remus. "How do I look," he asked smiling.

Remus laughed. He couldn't remember ever seeing Sirius in Muggle clothes before now. "Very much like a Muggle."

The shops in the underground were virtually empty. Remus wondered how they could stay in business with as few people as he saw. They got Sirius some robes and a few spell books to brush up on some of the things he'd forgotten in the past 12 years. By the time they had finished their shopping it was nearly dinner. They went back into the Muggle town and sat down in a restaurant. The waiter, whom Sirius pointed out reminded him of a House Elf, hardly spoke English.

When the food arrived Remus eyed it questionably. "Is this what I ordered?" 

Sirius chuckled. "I know this isn't what I ordered." He picked at the strange looking meat on his plate. "Maybe we could get them to put it in some sort of container and we could bring it back to Buckbeak?" Sirius wasn't sure he could eat this strange food even if he was an inch from starving. He spooned the rice on the plate. 

They started walking back to the inn. Tomorrow they would go back to the shack, and Remus would go back to Scotland. 

"I have to look like I don't know where you are," Remus said earlier in the evening as they walked around the wizarding shops, marveling at how different Sri Lanka was from England. "I can't stay forever, you know that."

"I know, I wasn't expecting you to," Sirius said, a little disappointed that all the happiness he was having with his old friend was going to be ending soon. He was quite afraid to be alone with his thoughts; they were not happy ones.

"I won't be gone long though," He said, putting a hand on Sirius and stopping him. "We have far too much catching up to do." Sirius smiled, that would have to be good enough for him.

Remus stopped at a store along the way and bought a few items. "Just to show we were here," he said when Sirius gave him a questioning look. Sirius picked up what looked like a fur ball and eyed it.

"What is this, Moony," he asked. It was just a ball about the size of his palm that was made of feathers.

"I don't really know. It's just something I think Harry might like." Remus looked sheepish.

Sirius tried not to laugh, but failed. "What would Harry do with this?" 

Remus took the ball out of Sirius' hand. He looked around to make sure they were alone, then tapped it with his wand. The ball suddenly sprouted a beak and eyes. It looked up at Remus questionably and hooted. "Maybe for his friend, Ron?" Remus looked quite pleased with himself.

"That's the smallest owl I've ever seen," Sirius laughed. He looped his arm in Remus' and they walked back to the inn.

~*~

A rat was running through a grove of trees. His little feet moving faster then they eye could see. He was chasing something. A man. The man had dark hair and black robes trailing behind him. He was yelling. Running madly away from the rat. The rat began to grow. The man kept running. In a clearing he saw a red headed goddess, holding a baby. The baby and the woman were only clothed in a simple white silk sash. The man was yelling to them, but his words were incoherent. Suddenly the rat reached ten feet tall and trampled the man, looking into his bespeckled blue eyes. The rat took the man in his mouth and walked to the goddess and the child. With a simple glance the goddess had disintegrated and the baby sat alone, crying. The man was motionless. The rat disappeared and Sirius was standing where the large animal stood. The crying baby looked at him, pleadingly, but Sirius couldn't move. Then the goddess reappeared, "_Murderer." _Her voice echoed. The sound bounced off the trees and repeated until finally Sirius knelt on his knees and cried, "_No. I didn't do it_."

Sirius awoke with a scream. Remus sitting at his side.

"Oh God, when will the dreams stop?" Sirius held his head in his hands. He hadn't had a peaceful sleep since he entered Azkaban. 

"Are you alright?" Remus asked in a tender tone.

"Just when I think I may be, the dreams…" he stopped. He was still imprisoned by Azkaban.

Remus moved closer to him, his face now just inches from Sirius. "Tell me," he put his hand on Sirius' cheek. He brushed his pinky on his rough lips. He felt Sirius' chin tremble. 

"I can't," Sirius said, his voice shaky.

Remus moved his hand to Sirius' forehead, caressing his hair. "You can, I want to know." 

Sirius closed his eyes. He just wanted to forget Azkaban. He couldn't though. "I lost the memories. After 10 years there I lost the memories of you and me. And now I'm haunted with images that would make the strongest man crumble." He was quiet for a moment. Remus put his hands on his forehead. 

"You're sweating," He said. Remus moved a hand down to the bottom of Sirius' nightshirt and pulled it. Seconds later the shirt was gone, and Sirius, feeling self-conscious with his thin sickly body, sat quietly trembling. 

"You remember when we went to Rome?" Remus asked running his hands over Sirius' body. Feeling it, but not remembering it. His skin was pale. It was rubber like. He pressed his lips to Sirius' collar.

Sirius' nodded his head slightly, "Rome, I remember vaguely." 

Remus moved his kisses up to Sirius forehead, then to his cheeks where tears were resting, then to his lips.

In thirteen years there was nothing Sirius wanted or needed more then this moment. Intertwining his frail fingers in Remus', feeling the fire of his kiss. Missing the familiarity he knew he once felt, but struggled to remember. It was bringing life into his body again. Life he hadn't felt in over a decade. 

Leaving his kiss, gasping for air, Sirius buried his face in the crook of Remus' neck. The smell of him was like heaven. The feel of his skin was so warm. A warmth he'd forgotten. The feeling of his lips on his head. Sirius broke down and sobbed into his neck. A broken man, finally home.


	11. Dementors at Hogwarts

****

Okay, here is chapter 11. The next chapter is the last, and as soon as my beta gets it back to me I'll have it up.

As for this chapter, I hope you enjoy it. I had a really hard time trying to get out all I wanted to, and Emily said it seemed too rushed. I tried to make that better. So, without farther adu…..

Chapter 11

Dementors at Hogwarts

It had been almost two years since Sirius broke out of Azkaban. He lay on the bed with nothing but a single sheet draped around him. He recalled the reason he was at this place. 

_"Contact Arabella Figg, Mundungus Fletcher, the old crowd. And lay low at Remus Lupins", _Dumbledore had said. He thought about it, and to his recollection, there were no members of the old crowd left, except him and Remus and Arabella and Mundungus. He rubbed his eyes, contemplating what the new course of action would be. What were they going to do now to stop Voldemort? 

"Good morning," Remus stood in the doorway with some tea and a plate of toast.

Sirius smiled. At least that was going well. Remus stayed with Sirius in the Maldives until Sirius had to be closer to Hogwarts. Remus found himself a job working in a Muggle factory. His money had run out and nobody in the wizarding world wanted to hire a werewolf. He worked everyday except Saturday and Sundays. It was quite depressing for Sirius, who had nobody to talk to and nothing to do all day except brood about Voldemort. Remus crossed the room and placed a kiss on Sirius' mouth. 

"I didn't hear you get up last night. The nightmares seem to be going away," Remus put a bite of the toast in Sirius' mouth. 

"It's cause I'm not sleeping alone," Sirius said with his mouth full. He remembered the night in the Maldives, on the single mattress in the corner of the small hut. The first night his lover reclaimed him. He could still fell the anxiety when Remus moved close to him and whispered_, "Are you sure you're ready?" He wasn't sure. But he knew he wanted to feel Remus again. To feel something other then despair and pain. He nodded his head slowly._

Remus made love to him. To every part of him, with every part of himself. Sirius felt something he couldn't ever remember feeling before. It was like his first time, like he was 16 again. His body ached. He wanted the moment to go on forever. It was like nothing he remembered. He was lost with Remus inside him.

Hours later Sirius lay awake in the bed. There was only a thin sheet separating their flesh. He watched Remus sleep recalling the past hours they'd spent together. In eachother's arms. Making love the way they used to before Voldemort threatened them. He felt the welcomed ache in his legs and thighs. An ache he feared he'd never feel again. He leaned in and kissed Remus' cheek, gently. Surely heaven couldn't be this wonderful. Not better then this moment. It was all he'd ever wanted. Sirius leaned in and meshed with Remus. He put an arm around him, making sure this was real, afraid he may wake up in Azkaban and have this all gone. He once more touched his lips to Remus' cheek and drifted off into the most peaceful sleep he'd had in 13 years.

"I have to be to work in 15 minutes," Remus said. He looked at Sirius. Then felt a twinge of sorrow for all the years they'd lost. "You just re-entered the world, and it's already gone back to the way it was before. You never got a chance to experience the security of not fearing Voldemort." 

"That was a false sense of security, as I understand." Sirius stood now, completely naked, and crossed the room.

Remus noticed. _Fifteen minutes, that's not enough time to do anything about the naked man standing in my bedroom_, he had to tell himself. He threw some robes at Sirius, hoping he would get the hint. Sirius threw the robes on. Only moments later, they heard Arabella calling from the fireplace in the entryway.

"Is anyone there? Remus?" Arabella's head lay in the green flames. And even though the flames distorted her color, Remus could tell she was flushed.

"What is it?" Remus asked. Sirius followed and was studding right behind him.

"An attack on a Muggle school in Surrey." Arabella held in the emotion that was in her voice.

"God, no. Are they sure it was Voldemort?" Remus crouched closer to the flame.

"Yes. There were 20 children on the grounds at the time. Luckily school was out for the summer holiday or there would have been several more. They were having some sort of carnival thing. All the children were killed, Remus. And they left a message, painted on the side of the school." She caught her breath. "GIVE US HARRY." She couldn't hold the emotion anymore. A sob escaped her.

Sirius closed his eyes in disgust. "They killed children." Was all he could say.

"What are we doing about it?" Remus asked.

"Dumbledore sent Mundungus over right after he heard. He hasn't heard anything back from him." Arabella looked concerned. "That was nearly 40 minutes ago. He should have told Dumbledore something by now."

"I'm sure he's fine," Remus said in a flat tone that suggested anything but he was sure.

"He doesn't want any of us going to check it out yet. Dumbledore will go himself and see what he can find. But he doesn't want to risk any more of us." She looked at her hands. "There aren't very many of us left," she said softly.

"Don't worry, Arabella. He'll work it all out." Sirius said. She nodded sadly, and then her head was gone from the fire.

Only mere seconds later Hedwig, Harry's owl, landed on the windowsill. A note from Harry was in her paw, and rewarding her with some toast, Sirius took the note.

_Sirius,_

Everything is quiet here. I'm ignoring the Dursley's and they are ignoring me, so I'm happy. 

Ron said he and Hermione are going to Bulgaria together to see Viktor Krum with her parents. Seems a bit odd to me, but okay.

Don't know what it means, but my scar hurt again. This time it was a horrendous dream. 

Voldemort and Wormtail had blown up a school. They were talking about taking children next and targeting the British government. 

_Harry._

Harry's fifth year at Hogwarts started uneventfully. And none of the students seemed to notice the extra security surrounding the castle. There was a large black dog guarding the doors constantly. Only a few people, including staff, knew who the dog really was. 

However, three weeks into the school year, the worst was confirmed.

It seemed like a normal clear Saturday in September. It was starting to cool off, but that didn't stop the student's from taking advantage of the grounds. A large group of first year Ravenclaws didn't seem to think anything abnormal was going on when the lake started to bubble. It was only moments later when they realized, and then it was too late.

The sky clouded over and it seemed like it was dusk rather than mid day. And before anyone could register what was happening, Dementors started walking out of the lake by the hundreds. The young Ravenclaws ran weakly into the castle, followed by the other students that were out. The mayhem was eminent. The large black dog guarding the doors ran inside the castle and up a corridor where he changed back into a man. Sirius gave the password to the stone gargoyle and saw Dumbledore, flanked by Severus Snape and Professor McGonagall. "You've heard, then?" Sirius asked, voice raspy from running.

"Yes, how many are there?" Dumbledore asked walking briskly.

"Couldn't tell. Hundreds. I've never seen so many Dementors. Even when I was in Azkaban." Snape gave Sirius a harsh look when he mentioned Azkaban. As if it reminded him why he hated Sirius. They got closer to the Great Hall and Sirius transformed back into a dog, just as Harry, Ron and Hermione reached them. They all walked in silence to the Great Hall, and were brought upon a horrible site. Dementors filled the grounds. They were gliding toward the castle, but there were still students outside, running in fear from them. 

"Severus, I will collect the remaining students while you try and keep the doorway free."

"Yes, Professor," Snape said. He stood in the doorway, held out his wand and shouted "_Expecto Patronum_". A large white wispy object floated out of his wand. A woman with long flowing hair. She looked like an angel. She shooed several Dementors away, but clearly this wasn't going to rid them all. Snape stepped aside and dozens of students ran inside, teary eyed and screaming. As Snape conjured another Patronus he noticed Dumbledore was walking with someone. Someone who was very large. It was Hagrid. He appeared to be unconscious, but he wasn't cause he was walking. It just seemed like nobody was behind those eyes. When they reached the door Dumbledore said, "Close the doors and lock them." He walked with Hagrid to an empty classroom, eyes following them along with Sirius in dog form, Harry, Ron and Hermione and Professor McGonagall. 

"What happened?" Harry asked looking into Hagrids vacant eyes.

"He was walking several students to the castle. A Dementor approached them. He got in front of the students," Dumbledore's voice went soft, "and was Kissed.

Professor McGonagall put her hand on his shoulder in sympathy. A tear was in Dumbledore's eye. It was hard for anyone to really understand how much Hagrid meant to Dumbledore, but seeing this display, one could get an idea. The room was quiet except for the sobs that escaped everyone.

Sirius paced back and forth in Dumbledore's office. Remus and Arabella had come in as soon as they got the news something was amiss. Snape stood in a corner, arms crossed on his chest. Dumbledore was at his desk, looking concerned.

"If there are so many Dementor's here, who's guarding Azkaban?" Sirius asked. The room fell silent. They all knew the answer, even Sirius when he asked it. Nobody was guarding Azkaban.

"How could they get in to Azkaban?" Remus asked.

"If the Death Eaters took care of whoever was working for the Ministry, maybe put them under the Imperius? They could offer the Dementors plenty of happiness in the students at Hogwarts. How could they resist?" Sirius still paced, not looking at anyone.

"I thought the grounds were protected," Arabella said, a quill perched in her hands. Her memory not what it was, she had to keep notes now.

"The enchantment that protects the school is only protects it from humans wanting to cause harm. Most animals don't leave the forest." Dumbledore looked at Remus and gave a small smile. "Dementors are not human. They were created by a warlock 300 years ago to guard Azkaban. They don't die. They aren't born. They don't age. They are just created, and then can stay around forever." 

"There has to be a way to get rid of them," Sirius said.

"The Patronus will scare them off, but there isn't any way to rid them. Even if each of us produced at Patronus, it still couldn't hold off all those Dementors."

"So what does this mean," Snape finally spoke.

"It means Voldemort is using the Dementors to get onto the grounds. If it's true, if he has broken everyone out of Azkaban, he has gained quite a few in number," Dumbledore looked at Arabella. "Have you heard any news on Azkaban?"

Arabella shook her head. "My guess is that the Ministry is still trying to hide as much as they can, though I can't imagine how they intended to keep this a secret."

Sirius stopped pacing. Everything in him went still, except his voice. "What if the Ministry is on _his _side?"

"They can't be?" Remus said, looking into his blue eyes.

"Not all of them, obviously, but what about Fudge? I was there last year when Fudge was giving you such a hard time about Voldemort's return." He looked at Dumbledore. "I never trusted that man," Sirius sneered. With good meaning, it was because of Fudge Sirius went to Azkaban without a trial.

"It's possible," Dumbledore said, "But I don't think the Minister of Magic would turn sides _willingly_." 

Sirius sighed and started pacing again. "Not turn sides, but maybe to cover up the fact that Voldemort has returned, he made it quite easy on him." Sirius shook his head, "I don't know."

"He may be on to something," Snape said from the corner. Sirius stopped and looked at him. That was the last thing he had imagined hearing from Snape. "We had a hard time with the Ministry before. I think it wouldn't hurt to keep them out of our affairs, for now." Snape looked at Dumbledore.

"I agree. We will be working top secret. Nobody but those in this room can know what we are doing. Nobody." Dumbledore said. "Meanwhile, I need to see how Professor Flitwick is coming along with the locking charms on the doors. We have made announcements that nobody is to leave the castle for any reason. All classes will be held indoors and Quidditch has been canceled until further notice." Dumbledore sighed, clearly he wasn't happy with this, but the safety of the students was the most important thing.

"Can we stay in the castle? To be closer to Harry?" Sirius asked.

Dumbledore smiled, "Of course. We'll prepare a room for you and Remus in the staff wing." Remus blushed. He was still getting used to the idea of being with Sirius again, and now there was no hiding it from Snape and Arabella. As if they didn't know already. 

Remus sat in Arabella's office and looked over stacks of students' essays. He and Arabella had agreed to split the Defense against the Dark Arts job. This way Remus was able to quit his Muggle job. 

He had his quill poised in his hand and read a third year's essay. _The best way to kill a Blood Sucking Bugbear_ _is by using a coagulating curse._ Remus smiled. Then stopped. Something nagged him in the back of his mind. He jumped up, spilling ink all over his robes, but not caring as he could to a cleaning charm later. He ran out of the office, amidst glares from him for students in class and Arabella who didn't look too happy to have him disrupting her class. Without saying a word he left the classroom and ran down the hallway. He ran directly into Harry, who didn't have a fourth class today.

"Harry," Remus said, out of breath. "Where's Sirius?"

Harry looked at him concerned. "We were supposed to meet up in his room for tea. But he just sent me an owl saying he had some important business to do and he had to cancel."

"Can I see the note?" Remus asked, having a hard time standing still. Harry handed Remus the note. It was in Sirius' handwriting. It looked real, but something still didn't feel right. 

"Follow me," Remus said, running back into the Defense Against the Darks Arts class and back to the office. Harry followed.

Remus sat in a chair by the fire. Somewhere he could be completely relaxed. He looked at Harry and said, "I need you to be absolutely quiet." He closed his eyes and concentrated on Sirius. 

He saw it in his mind. A room. It was dark. There were no windows. No doors. Interesting, how could they get in without doors, he thought. He took a deep breath. He saw Sirius in the room. He looked like he was putting up a good battle, but he wouldn't make it. There was a stone sculpture in the corner of a badger. "Concentrate," he told himself out loud. "A room with no windows or doors. A badger." 

Harry's eyes widened. "What?"

Remus came back into consciousness. "Do you know where it is?" He asked desperately.

"The dungeons in Hogwarts. There is a trap door in the floor of one of them. There is a badger statue in it. We took it out of the corridor going up to the Hufflepuff common rooms earlier this year."

"Are you sure?" Remus asked.

"I'm sure there is a badger, I'm not sure that's where Sirius is." Harry sighed.

"It'll have to do." Remus grabbed his wand, then stopped and looked at Harry. "May I borrow your invisibility cloak?" He asked in a tone much more calm then he felt.

"Of course," Harry said. They ran out of the office, disrupting the class once more and went up the stairs to his common room. A few moments later he returned carrying a shiny silver cloak.

Remus took it and ran down several flights of stairs, Harry at his heals. "What are you doing?" Remus asked.

"I'm going to help you get Sirius," he said as if it were only common knowledge.

"No, it's too dangerous," he didn't stop walking, they were descending the stairs at quite a quick rate. "I need you to get Dumbledore and Arabella. Tell them where I've gone. We will need an army." He stopped and looked at Harry. "Don't try and help with this one, Harry. It's too risky." He received an assuring nod from Harry and he was gone.

~*~

"_Crucio."_ Screams echoed out of the cave. "Hurts, doesn't it?" The deep voice of Shimson said amused. "If you tell us what we want to know, we won't have to do it again."

Sirius was bound to a concrete wall with metal bindings. Peter stood next to him, a sort of confidence in him Sirius never knew he had. "Where is Harry, Padfoot?" Peter asked, emphasizing the last word. Padfoot. 

Sirius felt sicker now at the sound of his nickname from a mortal enemy. His body ached, but now is soul hurt too with the reminder that Peter had once been like a brother to him. He imagined that was the same reason Voldemort and all the Death Eaters called him Wormtail. The nicknames James gave them. So he'd never forget how he betrayed the one who loved him. "I won't tell you," Sirius tried to sound strong, but in truth he just wanted it to be over.

"Fine, we'll just kill you then, and go after Remus. He'll tell us." Peter looked into his eyes.

"He won't tell you," Sirius said defiantly.

Shimson raised his wand. Sirius knew what was coming. He knew he was about to feel the agony of _Crutaius_ again. He closed his eyes and braced himself. "_Crucio," _Shimson shouted again.

Sirius screamed. So loud that nobody heard the door in the cave open. Someone was in there now, hidden, invisible.

"Still not telling?" Shimson asked. "What if we keep you alive just long enough to get your lover in here. We could let you watch us kill him. That could be fun," he glared into Sirius' eyes. 

Sirius was torn. He knew they would go after Remus. The last thing in the world Sirius wanted was Remus to go through this. But he had to protect Harry. Sirius was afraid one or two more_ Cruciatus Curses_ and he would give Harry up. He closed his eyes, trying to clear his mind, trying to make sense of these feelings and block out the pain. He thought he felt something inside him. Something warm and comforting. His eyes shot open. Someone else was in the room with them, he could feel them. But he couldn't see anyone. Just as Shimson raised his wand again a flash of red light shot out of a corner and a voice yelled, "_Mortificus_." Shimson fell to the ground twitching. The old look of fear flitted onto Peter's face. 

"Who's there?" Peter yelled. 

Sirius knew. He recognized the voice. It was Remus. The last place Sirius wanted Remus to be was here. He wasn't sure how Remus even knew where he was. But another part of him leapt with joy. Now, maybe, he stood a chance of getting out alive.

Peter ran across the room to where the red light shot from, but there was nothing there. "Remus is that you?" Peter asked in a snarly voice. "We were just about to come for you," he reached out in front of him and grasped air. He repeated it several times, hoping to be able to feel Remus. "You have Harry's cloak, I see. How lucky I would be if he was there with you. Harry? Are you here too?" Peter kept grabbing for the air.

Sirius was reeling in pain, trying to keep his mind clear. He felt someone touch him, gently, softly. He trembled. Remus was still hidden but whispered to him, "Don't worry. Harry is safe. We have to hurry though." Sirius tried not to change his expression. Tried not to give Remus away. Only moments later the warmth from Remus body was gone. A red light shot across the room again, this time from the other end of the cave. Remus must have moved fast. "_Relashio" _followed the red light. Sirius fell to the ground. 

Peter ran across the room to the spot the light came from. Remus was not fast enough this time. Peter tackled him and pulled the cloak off. Remus took one terrified moment, the found all the strength in his body to stand up. Peter fell to the ground. Remus looked across the room at Sirius, who was so weak he couldn't walk. He was crawling to the body of Shimson. Remus tried to reach for the cloak, but Peter's foot blocked him. Peter had a look of triumph in his eyes. He held up his silver right hand and smiled grimly.

"Remus, you know something? Silver is poisonous to werewolves. All I have to do is run my beautiful silver arm across a cut on your body and you are dead, Remus. I've heard it can be quite painful to die from poison. You'll have to tell me," Peter pulled out his wand and ran it across Remus' cheek, cutting a painful gash in it.

Remus flinched from the pain and crossed his eyes to the floor, where Sirius had grabbed the wand of Shimson and was crawling toward Peter.

Peter raised his arm. Remus could already feel the weakness from just having the silver that close to him. He felt nauseous, not sure if that was from fear and loathing or from the poison of the silver.

"_Mortificus_" was shouted from Sirius, who surprised himself with the volume of it. Peter fell to the ground and Remus ran to Sirius.

"Harry was supposed to have rounded up Arabella and Dumbledore. They should be waiting outside the cave. We have to hurry. They have a bug in them that lets Voldemort know when something has happened to one of them. There will be a dozen more here in a second."

Sirius tried with all his strength to stand up, but he couldn't. Remus bent down and picked him up, draping his head over one arm and his legs over the other. "You said Harry was safe," Sirius said.

"He was told not to come here. He is hiding," Remus pointed his wand at the invisibility cloak and said, "_Accio_." The cloak flew up over them. 

Under the cloak Sirius reached his hand up to touch the gash on Remus' cheek. "Does it hurt?" He asked.

Remus carried him down the cave, looking into his face he smiled. "Yes, but not as much as it would have hurt if I'd lost you." 

Sirius tried to pull himself up to give Remus a kiss, but couldn't. He kissed his hand and placed it over his cheek. "Thank you for saving me," Sirius said. "And I don't just mean today."

Remus knew what he meant. He felt the same way. His life would never be as full and as honest as it is without Sirius. He kissed Sirius forehead gently, then hurried out of the cave, where Arabella Figg, Neville Longbottom Ron and Fred Weasley and Hermione were standing watching in awe. It took only a moment to realize what they were watching. Dumbledore stood in a duel stance. Standing only feet from him, also in duel stance was Voldemort.


	12. Amare Via

Okay, here it is, the ending. I hope you enjoyed it. And I want to specifically thank Silverdanica for the nice things you've said about my story. And everyone else who reviewed. Thanks to much! Without farther adieu….

****

Chapter 12

Amere Via

"You do not frighten me, old man," Voldemort said with a trembling voice. 

"Then why do you tremble, Tom?" Dumbledore asked firmly. Both stood in duel stance, neither one making a move. The rest of the group stood, waiting for something to happen. Waiting for hundreds of Death Eaters to show up. Waiting for Dumbledore to tell them to do something. 

"When did he get here?" Remus asked, setting Sirius down.

"It was all a set up, taking Sirius. Dumbledore got here and then immediately You-Know-Who showed up." Ron Weasley said. 

"Where's Harry?" Sirius said, making an incredible effort to stand. 

"He's safe. He's inside with the rest of my family." Ron didn't take his eyes off Dumbledore.

"I can't imagine he can fight the Killing curse." Remus said out of the corner of his mouth. 

Dumbledore's eyes no longer held their benevolent twinkle. They held fury. Voldemort had destroyed more lives then Dumbledore wanted to imagine. He pointed his wand directly at Voldemort's heart and shouted, "_MORTIFICUS."_ But nothing happened. 

Voldemort cackled with laughter. "You can't kill an immortal." He had a sort of triumph in his eyes. "_Avada Kedavra",_ Voldemort shouted, so loudly the trees shuttered.

Dumbledore fell to the ground. He was dead. 

"_No!"_ Shouted Sirius. He tried to run to Dumbledore, but his legs wouldn't work. 

Voldemort had a fierce look on his pale face. It would give the strongest man nightmares. He started to move toward the rest of the group, wand pointed, when there was an earth-shattering scream and he was gone. Seconds later all the Dementors were gone as well.

"What happened?" Ron asked after a moment of silence.

"I don't know," Remus said, shaken. He walked to Dumbledore's body. He couldn't believe he could be dead.

"Everyone, let's get inside," Arabella said. Her voice shook, and her eyes were on Remus as he examined Dumbledore's body. Hesitantly, everyone except Remus and Sirius followed Arabella inside.

Sirius still couldn't walk. He felt stronger then he had earlier, but he was still too weak. "Is he…" Sirius couldn't finish the sentence. He saw the answer as Remus looked over at him, tears streaking down his cheek. "We can't win without him," he said, defeated.

~*~

Without Dumbledore, Hogwarts seemed to have forgotten how to operate. Professor McGonagall tried to fill in as Headmistress and still teach Transfiguration, but it was nearly impossible. Her mind was with the poor students, but her heart was in the school. It almost seemed blasphemous to keep the school running. She couldn't bring herself to move into the Headmaster's quarters, and since she hadn't been officially named Headmistress, the office lay empty. It was left to Remus, Sirius and Arabella to go through the files in Dumbledore's office. It was not a small task either. They each took a section of office and tried to organize things, so when Professor McGonagall did finally take over officially, she wouldn't be overwhelmed with all her new responsibilities. 

"Remus, look at this," Arabella held a piece of parchment out. Remus took it and read it outloud.

__

Several years ago, just after the time I was made headmaster of Hogwarts, I had a spell put in my body. The Aslyum charm. It was done in complete secrecy. Hogwarts and it's students are the most important things to me. As long as I was living, the school couldn't be harmed. However, this charm also assured that should I be killed by something other then a natural cause, any person who may have caused harm to me was banished. When I die my spirit will leave my body and form a protective shield around Hogwarts. It will be impenetrable. This way, my spirit will always reside there. 

Remus swallowed. "He would have died to save Hogwarts. And that's what he did."

Sirius put a hand on his shoulder. "So we do have him helping us, then. And we can make it out of this war." Remus met his eyes and smiled. Maybe they could.

~*~

Remus stayed in the office after Sirius and Arabella had gone down to dinner. Sirius, still awaiting an official pardon from the Ministry after they discovered Peter's body, had to eat alone in his room. The somber mood of the castle, however, made it feel more appropriate. 

Remus rubbed his forehead. Many of these old files in Dumbledores office were written in ancient Latin. How was he supposed to know if they were important? As he pushed the last file onto a shelf he noticed something. In the back of the shelf, halfway hidden in a secret compartment, he found a diary. He thumbed through it, feeling it was important. The pages were blank. There had to be something written in this, he just had to find a way to read it. He turned it over and over, sure he recognized it, but not sure from where. He put it in his robes and left the office.

He returned to his quarters and found Sirius sitting at the table. His plate filled with food. He glanced up at Remus and smiled. "Done finally?" He asked.

Remus sat down across the table, and his plate immediately filled with food. Chicken and mashed potatoes. Corn and peas. He picked up his wooden goblet that magically filled itself with pumpkin juice. 

"I found this," he pulled the diary out of his robes and tossed it across the table at Sirius.

Sirius' eyes examined it for a moment, then lit up, and he laughed out loud. "Where did you find it?" He asked.

"It was in the back of one of Dumbledore's shelves. I can't figure out how to work it." Remus took a bite if his chicken.

"Do you know what this is, Moony?" 

"It's a diary, love." He said after swallowing his chicken.

"It used to be my diary. Mine and James. We called it the Marauder's Diary. We enchanted it in our third year and meant to tell you and Peter, but then we got hacked off at you for something, I can't even remember what," He chuckled at the memory. "Anyway, we wrote some not so nice things in there about you and Peter, and once we were on good terms again we decided not to tell you. It would be something that just James and I would share. We used it until sixth year, when James started pouring his heart out to Lily instead of this," he rolled his eyes playfully as if he was annoyed with Lily. "I haven't seen it since." He thumbed through it.

"What things did you write?" Remus asked.

"Just stupid things. Thoughts that we would only want each other to know but couldn't say. And some other things, like I think we put some Quidditch moves in it, so the other teams couldn't find our strategies."

"What sort of things did you write about Peter and me?" Remus asked, an amused tone to his voice.

"I can't remember." He held up his wand. "Here, I'll show you." Pressing his wand to the book he said, "_Our thoughts will not betray. Our words will never say_." The diary opened to the first page. It was dated November 19, 1973.

__

This is our first entry in the Marauders Diary. Messers. Padfoot and Prongs will use it to aid in mischief….

Sirius smiled, then thumbed through it more. The pages now were all full with words and symbols. 

__

June 12, 1974

We are devising a new language. It will be a code used only between Messers. Padfoot and Prongs and mostly to discuss the happenings of Messers. Wormtail and Moony. Once Prongs has completed it, we will put it in here as a reference. 

Sirius read aloud.

"What sort of things are in there about Peter and me, then?" Remus tried to grab for the book, but Sirius jumped up and walked to the other end of the room. 

"I cannot say, Mr. Moony. The things in this diary are top secret. I would have to kill you if I told you," he said with a smirk on his lips.

Remus shot across the room and pounced on Sirius, taking the book from his hand and holding him playfully on the floor. He opened it and started reading. "You didn't use it much did you?" He asked sarcastically. Each page was full. Some with words some with Arithmancy problems. "Look, you even have a schedule of the cycles of the moon," Remus said.

"I think we did that in our fifth year. About the time the Animagus transformations were complete." Sirius was still pinned to the floor, but he seemed not to mind having Remus sitting on his torso. "I stopped using it a while after that. I guess life got too busy." He sounded regretful. "Clearly James did, though. Look how many more pages are full."

Remus hesitated. It was on thing reading Sirius' private thoughts, since he was there with him. It was something else to read James'. He turned the next page.

__

October 31, 1976

Tonight Lily kissed me. All I could think of was why it took us so long to get to this point. Why had we been just friends for the past 4 years when this felt like heaven? And it took her to make the move. She_ kissed _me._ Me. The captain of the Quiddtich team, prefect. And I still didn't have the nerve to make the first move. She does that to me I guess. She's incredible. _

Remus sighed trying to hide his embarrassment for intruding on such private things.

"See when he quit using it," Sirius said, now resigned to not being able to move.

Remus read aloud. 

"_October 24, 1981_

The Mater Caritas _spell is complete. I just have to wait until James is gone to perform it. I hate that I can't let him know about it, but he would never let me sacrifice myself for my son. And he wouldn't understand that it has to be me that does it, not him, not Sirius, me. I've written it all down here. Someone like Voldemort who only knows power from greed can never understand the power that comes from love. "_

He looked down at the bottom of the page. "_Mater Caritas,"_ he mumbled, now unaware of Sirius looking over his shoulder. He stood up, entranced with the spell. It took him a moment to realize what he'd found. What Lily had found. It was a spell that would ultimately destroy Voldemort. He glanced at Sirius and felt hope for the first time in days. 

~*~

It was months later. They had gotten through that school year in grief and disbelief. It was summer now. The school was still in shock from losing Dumbledore but determined to start picking up pieces. Harry, Hermione and the whole Weasley family had joined in the fight to bring down Voldemort. With the Ministry in disbelief that Voldemort was back, many wizards were hesitant to help. 

The group, plus Snape, sat in one of the dungeons at the bottom of the school. Papers and spells were spread all over a table. The organization that used to come in these meetings was gone. 

"If Harry dies in a duel with Voldemort, it will destroy Voldemort," Mundungus said. He glanced quickly at Harry, who nodded. They had previously discussed this venture but felt it would be best for Mundungus to bring it up, as it would be less likely for Sirius to refuse it since it would sound more concievalbe. 

"What? Absolutely not," Sirius said, amazed he even brought that up. 

"Sirius, we've already talked about it," Harry said. "When Voldemort used my blood and part of Peter to revive himself he made himself bound to me. If I live he lives. If I die…" Harry broke.

"No. We won't sacrifice Harry," Sirius said, looking to Ron and Hermione for support.

"What if there is no other way?" Arabella asked painfully.

"Excuse me," Hermione said, as if she were just an unwelcome student, not one of the brains behind the operation. "If Voldemort dies, will Harry then die too. Does it work both ways?"

"I don't believe so," said Mundungus. "He may loose the parts of him Voldemort gave him, like Parslemouth, but I don't think he will lose his life. Voldemort's life was dependent on Harry and Peter, who had a life debt on Harry. Harry's life is not dependent on Voldemort." 

Ron sighed. It made sense, but he couldn't watch Harry die. As Ron glanced around the room, from Harry's contended eyes, to Sirius' determined eyes, to Hermione's worried eyes, he hoped it wouldn't break the strength this small group had. His thoughts were broken as Remus broke his silence.

"I know of another way," he said quietly.

"What?" Arabella asked. He threw the diary entry in front of her.

"Lily knew how to do it, she just couldn't get all the components before she died. Here, I've made notes." 

Harry's eyes flitted from Remus to Sirius. He had no idea what he was talking about. "My mother knew what?"

"She was brilliant, Harry. She figured it out. While she was standing in front of you, protecting you as it were, she was charmed. She put the charm inside herself then performed the charm on you, so when she jumped in front of Voldemort to protect you, the charm caused Voldemort's wand to rebound on his next victim." Remus was so excited to get all the information out he hadn't realized he wasn't making much sense.

"Wait, tell me more about this charm," Arabella said intrigued.

"The _Mater Caritas. _It only works in someone like a parent. Someone who has unconditional love, a nurturing, and a love that can only come from a parental figure. She knew when she did this she would have to sacrifice herself. But there is another component to it. That is why Voldemort didn't die. The victim, the person who was being protected, has to perform a spell that will destroy the soul of Voldemort"

Severus' eyes shone with comprehension. "I know the potion for that spell. It's illegal. It's very difficult."

"Can you brew it?" Sirius asked.

"Wait," Hermione said. "I still don't understand. What do we have to do with the potion? You- Know -Who can't drink it if he's merely a soul."

"Say Voldemort, Hermione," Harry retorted.

"You pour it on him. It's like what the Muggles call," Remus stopped and tried to think of the word, "petrol. The spell that accompanies it is like the match that lights the petrol."

"I don't know why she didn't tell us. We could have helped her," Arabella said.

"So," Harry said, "let's do it."

Remus shot his eyes from Sirius to Harry then said, "Do you understand what this means?"

Harry looked at him blankly.

"Harry, he has to do the Killing curse on you, this way it will rebound on him, and kill his body. I have no doubt he will use this, but if the _Mater Caritas_ isn't precise, you will die instead." 

"Absolutely not," Sirius said. "He can't do it."

"There is no other way," Harry said to Sirius. "I've survived that curse twice so far. Why not one more time?"

"I cannot willingly expose you to that curse." Sirius banged his fist on the table.

"Sirius," Remus looked into his eyes, "it has to be him."

Sirius was quiet for a moment. Numb.

"Is there really no other way?" Sirius asked.

"I'm sorry," Remus said feeling his pain. 

"Alright, what do we have to do?" Sirius closed his eyes and accepted it.

"Since Voldemort has regained his body, we will have to have a sacrifice." He stopped and looked at Sirius. "I will perform the charm on myself. I will be the sacrifice." Remus said softly. 

"No!" Sirius said forcibly. "There has to be something else." He sighed. "Let me be the sacrifice."

"Sirius, you're the stronger of the two of us. You will be more beneficial to them." 

Sirius seemed to have forgotten that the room was full of eyes watching their every move. "Me? You're the one that's come up with all the charms. You're the one who's got the logic."

"I've already accepted it. It's going to be me," Remus said with a force that he rarely used.

Sirius pulled a wild card, one he hadn't used in 15 years. "I'm his godfather. I'm doing it."

Remus knew he was serious. There was no talking Sirius out of this.

~*~

It took Snape a full two weeks to brew the potion, and then it took the intelligence another month to discover where Voldemort was hiding. But eventually they did.

"We know where he is," Sirius said, fear in his voice. His face looked pale. His eyes met Remus'. "McGonagall and Snape seem certain he will be there tomorrow, and it would be more beneficial to attack during the day, as most Death Eaters are up all night. So that's the plan."

They looked across the room at each other, both knowing this would be the last night they spent together. As if they had no legs, just magnetic pull, they floated into each other's arms. There were no words spoken. Sirius looked into the brown eyes of the person he loved more then anyone else in the world. Then he realized he'd never told Remus that. So tonight he would show him. He would show him that when he looked in his eyes, he saw a love that frightened him sometimes. He would show him that his body does things to Sirius the nobody else's has ever done. He would spend his last night alive with his lover. Getting so familiar with his body that it would make up for the years he would miss. The thought tugged at his heart. He would miss the rest of Remus' life. He would miss seeing his already flecked gray hairs turn grayer. The lines in his beautiful face become more definite. He traced his finger across the lines, hoping to etch them in his mind. His rough fingers traced the soft lips that had given him so much pleasure in the past. He replaced his fingers with his lips, hoping that maybe he could get lost in the kiss. Hoping maybe it would last forever.

Their bodies moved in sync. Like they understood that they would never be with this body again. It was gentle, it was beautiful, and unlike anything they had done before. It was always beautiful with they made love, but this night it seemed the cosmos were helping them. The universe was on their side, making it a night neither hoped to forget, even in the few hours they had left.

They lay together, their eyes locked. "I love you," Sirius said, tears forming in his eyes.

"I love you," Remus said, wiping the tear from his own eyes. They stayed this way until they drifted to sleep, faces still turned to each other, tears still staining their cheeks. 

The next morning Sirius and Remus met with the gang in a field just outside London. There had been a Portkey prepared to take them all to the place Voldemort was rumored to be, and they would destroy him, once and for all. Nobody dared speak as the Weasleys, Harry, Hermione, Mundungus, Arabella, Snape, McGonagall and Sirius and Remus held on to a deflated rubber ball. Moments later they were whirling into space and then they landed on a dark mountain. They were alone, and they looked around at each other. Still afraid to speak, Snape pointed uphill and they followed. 

When they arrived at the top of the mountain the site that met them was enough to stop time. Voldemort and 40 Death Eaters stood in a line, wands pointed, ready for battle. Obviously, they were expected. Before another wand could be raised curses were shouted. There was confusion as hexes went everywhere and people tried to duck them. 

__

"Anathema," Someone shouted, and a Death Eater was flung over the cliff of the mountain. 

__

"Crucio," a deep voice said, and there were deafening screams.

Remus looked up the rocky mountain. If he could move the rocks from the top ledge he would be able to take out several Death Eaters. The problem would be trying not to get their guys. He concentrated his thoughts and waved his wand. "_Cadere". _The ledge jarred a little at first, then fell. Rubble and dust everywhere, it was impossible to see who was still standing. Remus hoped he'd done the right thing.

When the cloud of rubble cleared Harry stood face to face with Voldemort. Of the many times he'd been in this position before, he felt most confident now. He never took his eyes off Voldemort. Even as Sirius and Remus joined his side. He knew what was about to happen. He knew he was going to lose his godfather. The closest thing he had in his memory to a father. He wanted to call the whole thing off. To just let Voldemort finish him off. 

Voldemort got a look of triumph on his face as he raised his wand. Sirius stood, ready for what he had to do. Trying to keep the image of Remus in his mind. He wanted that to be the last thing he saw. As Voldemort opened his mouth to form a word it happened, almost like slow motion. Sirius bounded and threw himself in front of Harry. Harry screamed, Remus screamed. And then Remus bound in front of Sirius. 

"Remus, NO!" Sirius shouted.

The words "_Avada Kedavra_" came out of Voldemorts mouth. As a flash of green light flew out of the wand a third figure jumped in front of Remus out of nowhere. Remus tried to push the man out of the way, but it was too late. The third man fell to the ground. Voldemort had a look of confusion and fury on his face only seconds before his body disintegrated. A cloudy orb floated where he stood. 

Sirius and Remus looked down at the fallen man, trying understand what just happened. Harry, as almost by instinct took a potion out of his robe walked to the cloudy orb and poured the potion on it. The orb flinched as if it were in pain. Then Harry heard something. "You don't want to kill me," the orb said. "Harry you know you don't. I'll help you." Voldemorts soul had a wispy voice to it. A pleading voice. It entranced Harry. He almost lost sight of his goal. Almost.

Harry raised his wand. Disgust on his face. "_Non Vita,"_ he said pointing his wand to the orb. There was a hideous scream that seemed to fill every inch of earth and then the orb was gone. It was silent.

Sirius and Remus still had their eyes on the figure in front of them. A tall dark haired man who had been their enemy since they were 11. Severus Snape was dead. 

"Why did he do it," Sirius asked 

"He loved my mother," Harry said bending down to look at Snape's body. "He did it for her." Harry put a hand over Snape's eyes and gently pushed them closed.

"What happened?" Ron asked, exasperated at what he'd just seen. "That's not what the charm was supposed to do, was it? Wasn't it supposed to rebound off of Harry, not the sacrifice?"

"He changed the spell," Remus said as if it were a revelation. "I thought those weren't the right words he said when he performed it on Harry. He knew he was going to do this. He put the charm in himself. Sacrificed himself, and it rebounded off him. He must have known Voldemort knew we would do this. Yes, it would make sense. It worked once before, why not try it again. So Severus altered it so it would rebound off the sacrifice."

"I guess we can't hate him anymore can we?" Ron said in a light tone. 

Harry stood up and walked to the place Voldemort's soul had floated. It was peaceful. The world seemed different now. Somehow it seemed brighter. All Harry could do now was cry.

The beginning of Harry's sixth year of school approached just as Harry was starting to get used to the idea to life at Hogwarts without Dumbledore. Just one month earlier a very peeved Minister of Magic had cleared Sirius. He had wanted nothing more then to keep his belief that Sirius Black was a murderer. Harry was going to spend his summers and holidays with Sirius and Remus. He smiled at the idea. When he was younger he thought about Sirius marrying a woman and taking him in, but he thought this was just as well. Remus was also like a father figure to him. It would be the family he'd always wanted.

He adjusted to life with Sirius and Remus very quickly. Remus took on his old job at the Muggle factory, and Sirius would be the new Transfiguration teacher at Hogwarts. They sat quietly at the small end table in the living room, drinking tea and eating crumpets. 

"Harry, what's this?" Sirius asked picking up the tattered leather book off the table.

"Oh, that's just a photo album Hagrid gave me of my parents," Harry replied.

"I helped contribute to that. Can I take a look?" Remus asked. Sirius handed it to him and looked over his shoulder interested.

They sat down on the couch, Remus in the middle, Harry on his left and Sirius on his right, leaning in close. Remus opened the book. They were quiet at first, as a sort of reverence to Lily and James, but a few pages in the laughter grew. 

"Moony, do you remember what we were doing then?" Sirius asked, smiling at a picture of Lily and James on the grass eating a picnic. In the picture James leaned in and kissed Lily, then took a bite of his sandwich. 

Remus blushed, "Yes, I remember, but since Harry is here, I don't think I'll comment." 

Sirius looked pleased at successfully embarrassing him. He turned the page. It was Lily and James at their wedding, Sirius smiling next to them. Their happy expressions dropped. 

"What is it?" Harry asked.

"That's when it all started," Remus said. Sirius turned his face down and looked at the floor. "That's when your family was attacked," he looked at Sirius, "that's when Sirius lost his father."

There was silence. Awkward silence. Finally Sirius looked up and smiled, as a hope to break the tension. He stood up and opened an old cupboard. He pulled out a box.

"Would you like some new pictures, Harry?" Sirius asked. 

"I've got loads." Remus said, then his face fell as if he suddenly remembered something. "Sirius will have to look at them first, there may be some incriminating pictures in there." He turned red.

Sirius laughed, "You kept those? You told me you were going to burn them?" He shuffled through, hoping to find the pictures of which Remus spoke.

Harry just tried to get the past minute out of his mind, and he surely didn't want to hear more about those pictures.

The rest of the evening was spent in reminiscence over Lily and James and their adventures at Hogwarts. Hours later Harry journeyed down the hallway to his room. 

Sirius pulled out a picture and handed it to Remus. Then laughed as Remus blushed. "Wanna try that again?" Sirius asked, winking. Remus didn't say anything, but the expression on his face said it all. He turned and walked down the hall, Sirius behind him, when they stopped in front of Harry's room. He had fallen asleep on his bed, still fully clothed.

"He looks so much like James," Remus replied. "Maybe that was his gift to us."

Sirius was quiet for a minute, staring at the boy he was responsible for. "It's hard to imagine that it's all over. This whole thing with Voldemort. I don't know what to do with my life now."

Remus smiled, "Maybe we can be a normal couple now. You know, barbecues on Sundays, walks in the park."

"So we'll just live happily ever after?" Sirius said, a tone of amusement in his voice.

"Of course we will." Remus said. He smiled and looked into Sirius' eyes.

Harry Potter was safe. He stirred briefly in his bed, still sleeping. And Remus and Sirius didn't even notice. They were locked in the sweetest kiss. Their journey had taken them to places they never could have gone. They lived a life most never get to. It's their love journey. Their amere via.

****

The End


End file.
